h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Take care! They know who you are and they know where you live.

So does this mean that Santa Claus is one of Them?

They have no names. Do They really exist, or are They just something someone made up once because they had no other cause for an event. Just like the Perfectly Normal Beasts in Mostly Harmless. They aren't normal but that guy said they are and all the people belived him.




Pretty Hard Too

I once had a math tutor who drew me a diagram of where They lived (convened, whatever). You entered through a secret passage right beside a fire hydrant that led down into the earth, then once you got down far enough you abruptly started going straight (North? South? East? West? he wouldn't tell me) until you were directly under a farm house with a silo, where this huge meeting room or underground lair or whatever opened up and that's where They were. He claimed he was one of Them. He said They had Their eyes on me. Of course he was doing this while he was supposed to be tutoring me in math, so perhaps it was all one of Their plots to keep me from excelling at the subject by tempting me with just enough infor to keep me interested, but not enough to give anything away.

They are indeed everywhere. You ever handed in an essay on a subject you love, which you have spent hours working on and have lovingly crafted before carefully taking possably one the best essays ever written on that subject and handing it in. Two weeks later teh results coem out and bam, not a bad mark, just a mediocre mark for your masterpiece. Meanwhile the top grade was won by the person who did everything in one cofee-fuelled day. This is the influence of them. They intend to break the will of everyone who cares. they are increasing apathy in order to take over the world.

They are also putting some intelligence enhancing drug in coffee.

I believe it's called cafiene.

no, cafiene just enhances your ability to fidget with your pen, it doesn't actually increase your articulation.

Cafiene need I fix inarticulate help .....

Try Ritalin.

I'll try anything once but it'll have to taste as good as coffee!

Well, I'd suggest washing down the Ritalin with coffee, but I've see what happens when one mixes that sort of thing with caffiene. not pretty

Right! So, I'll need to clean the carpet afterwards then? Or is it worse than that????

Lets just say that, although Ritalin allows you to focus energy better, it doesn't mean that you have more control over what you focus energy ON. Add caffien...

Oooh, ta! Sounds great - where can I get some???????

Don't bother. They won't tell you.

I'm off to sulk now then!

DON'T YOU SEE!?!? THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO!!!!!

Alright then - I'm NOT off to sulk. I'm off to make someone else sulk instead - probably an unsuspecting civil servant!

Are They civil servants then?