h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm a firm believer that my cat is the most evil thing in the world, but what do you think is?

In order of eveilness:
Cows.
Clowns.
Cows.
BT Internet.
Cows.
Spiders.
Cows.
Piccalili.
Cows.
Gherkins.
Cows.

I don't agree with cows. Why are they evil?
On the other hand, I agree clowns are very evil. They should all have that sadistic smile wiped off thier faces!

*has scary flashback of Pennywise*

Not many people do agree with cows which just shows how sneaky they are, they have everyone fooled you see!

I think the clown thing comes from watching Stephen Kings 'It' when I was about 3...but they are naturally very traumatising

That was Pennywise.

Oh...well I'm glad it's not just me who was scared by that, in my defence I was only tiny at the timeI was terrified of going near a sink for weeks...but I still maintain that cows are worse!

What is it about cows? Is it the way they just sit and chew for hours but never eat?

'IT' was a great movie, drove circuses to ruin all over the world, but it went on to long like alot of his other movie/tv movies!

Cows are eveil mean and sadistic and whilst you may think that they just stand and chew grass all day this is just part of their eveil plan to take over the world.

Through their complex disguise as foolish and harmless grass munching animals they have studied the ways of the world for the past 2000 years relatively uninterrupted by us and so now know our habits and thus can start their attempt at world domination.

If you need further proof then you'll note that over the past two years there have been an increasing number of cow related crimes, you will note that this also coincides with many cows being killed by us due to the BSE scare...

See now it's obvious isn't it

So let me get this straight. You say cows are evil and that they were going to take over the world, but the attempt was foiled by the mad sceintists creating BSE and useing it as an excuse to cull there leaders and many of there evil armed cow forces.

And there was me thinking that BSE started because we fed cows cows and over animals like sheep, ground up into small pieces so they didn't know what they were eating. I stand corrected.

No you have me confused...cows still are going to take over the world the thing was the cows were using the BSE as a way to avoid being eaten but then we decided to kill them all which they didn't count on and so they got their revenge by rampaging in cow like crimes...did you not see them all on the news, there was one near me just last week.

Ahhh, but you miss the point with BSE. It shows how cows are sneaky, but not necessarily that intelligent.
You see, all these cows got together and realised we kill them to eat them. they obviously wanted to stop this so came up with a grand scheme of acting a bit weird. They thought that if we thought they were mad, we wouldn't want to eat them, thus they wouldnt be killed. They'd be sent to the Happy Cow Farm and tended to till their dying days.

Unfortunately, as we now know, this didnt work and now they have to act more normal than ever just so they ain't shot on sight.

I guess they didnt count on all those students going 'Wow Cheap Food' and buying all the beef they could find. I know I lived off it for a year :-0

MOOOOO!

Y'see that was posted at the exact same time as mine which only goes to prove I'm right, cows are eveil and now I have another person who understands where I'm coming from

A- HAAAA (is there an alan partridge emoticon?)

Sounds like I've found another recruit for Mi7, the secret service branch looking after insurrection from enslaved life forms.

Did you know that Sheep and Chickens tried this too? thing is, how do you tell if a sheep or chicken is acting a bit wierd!

Still, there's at least one farm my parents way which now farms Llama's instead of cattle. What I want to know is, Where did the Cows go? I'm afraid to walk about at night in case I am accosted by balaclavad gun toting bovines.

Join our cause now, before the cows gain power!

Yes And another thing the cattle grids, they're alleged to be to stop cattle leaving fields, why? Because cattle are eveil are will try to kill the farmers. However, the cows are far too clever for this and so were never fooled by the cattle grid, the reason for their hooves is so that they can tip toe across the cattle grids on their hind legs but yet humans have never grasped this and so just fall through the holes thus allowing the cows (who have encircled the victim) to pounce!

and, of course, the cattle grid exposes the a hitherto unknown sadistic streak in cows. The only animal I know of that gets stuck in them properly, is hedgehogs. I think more research is needed here, why do cows hate hedgehogs sooooo much that they would evolve this elaborate plot just to torture them?

Perhaps a letter to the lottery commission is in order!

Hamsters would probably get stuck too but I see your point

It's obvious that the hedgehogs are the ones out snuffling round at night and so they are the creatures who see the cows when they are in their true eveil form after midnight when they're running amock and carrying out world domination plans. I reckon the cows are trying to supress the hedgehogs so that no-one else finds out their plans...I mean they have to ensure that badgers don't know as badgers have a nasty bite on them and could easily stop a cow in it's tracks thus you never see badgers crossing cattle grids either...

I definitely think an investigation is in order.

I'm still not convinced.

*puts on a cow mask*
Moooooooooo!!!
See now didn't that seem sinister?

*looks at 6 inch high fairy waring a cow mask*

Ummm, not really.