h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It was almost 14 years ago and I can remember it like it was yesterday.

It was cold and dark and there was a comet in the sky (this is where the I remember it like it was yesterday goes wrong) but I can't remember if it was the one with the tail or the one like the thumb print.

Anyway, it was a lovely clear dark night and my daughter was a babe in arms wrapped with swaddling clothes. She was in her daddy's arms and we were at the back of my house with a couple of neighbours waiting for the lunar eclipse to begin.

It was just after 11.00pm I think and I went to the telescope to set it up to view the moon.

At first, big and bright as it was I couldn't find the moon, then I couldn't get it to stay in focus.

My other half then muttered the immortal words ..... maybe you're too close ..... at which point I lifted telescope and took about 10 steps backwards.

It was only the laughter of the assembly that made me realise I'd taken 10 steps to move further away from the moon.

I think that this may well have been my dumbest moment .... but I could be wrong. What's your dumbest moment?

http://www2.jpl.nasa.gov/comet/


What's your dumbest moment?
waking up in hospital after a car accident(can't remember the accident)just seeing that I was in a hospital.
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and seeing mam/dad and sister round my bed, my first words were "sorry dad! couldn't think of anything else for your birthday".
It happened on it, I wanted to die 1 millisecond after I said it

Ok. I don't know how you've got me to admit to this one in public, but here goes... and it's a long one, so you may want to grab a
Oh, and before anyone reaches for the Yikes button, for legal reasons, all names have been changed.

In my early days at the lab, I occasionally covered for our van driver when he was on holiday. One of the jobs was to collect samples of food produce from factories around the county, to be brought back to the food lab for quality control testing. I'd driven the route a number of times, and quite enjoyed it - it was about a 130 mile round trip, I was out and about meeting people, and I could listen to my own music.
One day, shortly after I'd arrived back at the lab, one of my colleagues called me into the food lab.
"I've got Yummy Foods on the line. They say you haven't been in to them today."

- "I did, I was there about an hour ago. The woman on the desk said they didn't have any samples today."

(to the phone)"My colleague says he was there an hour ago... and that you told him there were no samples."

To cut a long story short, the woman on the phone swore blind I had not been in, and that there were two samples waiting. I swore blind I had been there, quite distinctly remembering her telling me there was nothing to collect. My colleague apologised to the woman, and said I would be out again in the morning, and would make a special trip just for them. I was given the name of the woman to deal with, lets call her Bob, for no particular reason.

This all caused quite a stir - it was rather worrying for me, as I was being accused of lying. My colleagues, however, rallied round, and nobody doubted me. They were, in fact, quite annoyed, as this woman could potentially have got me into trouble. A couple of people suggested that when I go in next day I should have words with her, demanding to know why she was causing this trouble. Someone else said it was a shame I couldn't make a secret recording of her...

"Hmmm..." thinks me. "I *do* have a mini tape recorder... and I have a small tie-clip microphone, too..."

So, next day I set out on my usual route. I'd tested the microphone and recorder with a couple of colleagues back at the lab, and checked that the microphone was hidden, but could still hear okay.

Eventually I pulled into the carpark of the factory, one of many on a small industrial site. I switched on the tape recorder, and headed in. There was a different woman on the reception desk today, so I asked to speak to Bob.

"We don't have anyone of that name working here."

Oh, great. Not only were they lying to my boss yesterday, now they're even denying knowledge...

-"We spoke to her yesterday..."

"Sorry, there's no Bob here. Are you sure you're in the right factory unit, there's several here, they all look the same..."

-"No, this is the only one here that I visit,"

"Which company are you after?"

-"Yummy Foods."

"This is Tasty Foods."

-"......ahh...."

That's when it dawned on me. I'd been driving on autopilot, following the usual route I'd done so many times - but Yummy Foods was just an extra...

-"...oh dear..."

I'd gone to the wrong place...

-"...this *is* embarrassing..."

...and I'd recorded myself doing it...

-"I'll be going then..."

...and everyone at work was waiting to hear the recording of me shaming the woman who had been lying to my boss...

Oh.... bum.

I drove to the right factory, which was about 25 miles away, and apologised profusely to Bob, who was sat at reception, with the specimens. Fortunately she was very understanding. (Perhaps she wouldn't have been if she knew about the tape recorder - which was, by now, stashed in the back of the van!!)

I got back to the lab, where, a large number of people wanted to hear the tape - still unaware of what had actually happened, still believeing in my innocence.

I had contemplated saying that the tape hadn't worked, Bob apologised, and everything would be forgotten... but what the heck, I laugh at other people, why not give them a laugh too...

"Did you get the recording?"

- "Oh yes... you are not going to believe this..."

And I pressed play.

When the woman claimed there was no Bob there, everyone gasped "I don't believe it!! How could they? The liars!!"

Then we reached "This is Tasty Foods..."

There was a pause... and everyone fell about laughing. I think it was a good three or four months before people let me forget that.

Well Prof if nothing else it was an indication that you were 'alright' .... after a fashion.



Why does your story not surprise me Moonhog you're not exactly Roger Cook more Roger the Dodger.

I live for humoureven on a deathbed, no holds barred

Well I thought this would have got more takers... maybe us three are in a class of our own.

A thought, Fizzy - perhaps you could start this again, copy and paste it into a Miscellaneous Chat thread? Then more people could see it?

I've been trying to decide on my dumbest moment; there are rather a lot to choose from. On balance, I think it's the riesling-related incident that saw me end up hanging upside-down on a rose bush with a broken foot (and a spilt drink, which distressed me at the time) but I can't really explain how that one happened.

Nope.... I really can't think of a specific one

Just pick one, lil... any will do!

I can tell you one of VV's, if you like?

She wouldn't thank you for that!

Go on then!

*giggles*

When she first left school, she went for an interview and got the job.

She was so happy, she visited her grandad to tell him.

'Where will you be working?' asked grandad...

.. 'In a solicitors' replied VV....


'What will you be doing?' asked her uncle...

After a few moments thought, she replied...


...'Soliciting'


And guess what she's doing now??

Erm... Eating lunch?

She's a prostitute?

Daughter Jem is well known for her gaffes. Her bf recently had his phone stolen. Sob, boohoo but he got over it.

Last week he bought her a shiny new iPhone, the same make as the one he'd lost. We were discussing the advantages of different covers, when she asked him

"Could I not have your old cover?"

Now those stories have given me a lift ..... I was beginning to think that all my friends were way too clever to make dumb mistakes.



Having said that you're pretty good at volunteering other peoples gaffs.

OK, well I'm not going to admit to falling asleep on the train on Saturday, and ending up in Moira.....


...so here's an oldie from when I'd just moved into a newly built house, a bungalow. When I emptied the washiing up water, I noticed that it spilled over into the garden, so I thought there must be some builders rubble or similar stuck down the outside drain hole. So, pink marigolds on, I shoved my hand down the drain, and found what felt like a piece of rope. I pulled it out to discover it was the tail of a rat. And of course I promptly dropped the thing back down the drain again. And no way could I force myself to reach in and get it again, now I knew what was down there! That's what husbands are for, of course.

Eeeuuuuuugh Bea - what a shock, pulling a rat by it's tail - I'd have died, at least you had your gloves on.


I fell asleep on a bus one night aiming for Newtownards but woke up in Donaghadee. I got into big trouble for that one.

Dumbest moments? Too many to choose from, and best not posted in public.

I think everyone who tells us they've got loads, but then don't post any, should be made to post two as punishment- or we'll send lil round to press buttons on your computer.
As for a threat to lil herself... erm...we'll take your buttons away!