h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was just thinking, when would a sub-infinite number of monkeys realise they that have failed to re-produce the complete works of Shakespeare?

"When will we tree met again" - No, we're missing something there

"To be or not to be, that is the aardvark" - No, that doesn't sound right

"What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! the banana of the world, the parrot of
animals" - Oh, and we were doing so well


Geggs

Bonobo, bonobo, wherefore art thou bonobo?

The quality of monkeys is not strained, it droppeth as the gentle gorilla from the baobab tree..



(Exit, pursued by a bare-bummed simian)

"I would that I were low laid in my grave. I am not worth this banana sundae that's made for me."

And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Simian's day.

"Is this a ragged I see before me?" - Aaarrgghh, and we were so close!


Geggs

Two sheep, perchance two bream?

Then there's the two old ladies in the Theatre....

'Tommorow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.'

One leans over and whispers over-audibly to the other:

'That would be Wednesday.'

Oh! Pardon me thou bleeding piece of earth
That I am meek and gentle with these butchers.
Thou art the ruins of the noblest man that ever ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! cumber all the parts of Italy
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh! ooh!
And let slip the dogs of war.

I'd like to see the Broadway rendition of "Merchant of Oook!"

Would that be the production with Shymonk? He greatly impressed me with his dexterity ...

Shall I compare thee to a banana?

And mimmsy were the borogroves, them groves were filled with fruit and twain ...

"Lead on, MacDuff" - you know what, we'll let that one go. It's what most people think it says anyway.


Geggs

Similarly...

'All that glitters is not a banana.'

One of the most misquoted lines in the canon, surely? (from 'The Merchant of Ook!', of course.')

a banana by any other name would taste as sweet : )

"You have not experienced Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Klingon"

taH pagh taHbe' (To be or not to be)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiRMGYQfXrs

many of these have reduced me to tears of mirth...
but number 8 is sheer genius!

Also from "The training of the crew" :

You lie, in faith; for you are call'd plain Bubba,
And bonny Bubba and sometimes Bubba the curst;
But Bubba, the prettiest Bubba in swampdom
Bubba of Bubble Hall, my super-dainty Bubster,
For dainties are all Buubs, and therefore, Bubba,
Take this of me, Bubbah of my consolation;
Hearing thy tail praised in every tree,
Thy bananananananas spoke of, and thy beauty Oook!ed,
Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs,
Myself am moved to Oook! thee for my Bottom.

"Friends, Romulans, countrymen, bend me your tears"

All the world's a cage,
And all the men and women merely paying visitors:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time pays many visits.