h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I sometimes read these Question & Answer type interviews in the papers, and a question that crops up now and again is "What important lessons has life taught you?", and the celeb being grilled usually comes up with something inspirational. But when I try to answer it for myself, well, maybe I've led a dull life, or maybe I'm a poor learner, but the best I can manage is:
"Never pass up on the chance to take a pee."

So. What important lessons has life taught you?

never eat yellow snow

Never assume.

Never get too stocious in a pub if it's your first night there.

All that guff they tell you in primary school about smoking is true.

The more pompous the man, the more he's in need of a tickle.

It's better to be honest about what you want and hurt others in the short term than keep it bottled up and hurt yourself forever.

At any other time I would have tried to come up with something funny, but this is something I've genuinely learned recently... the short term hurt caused by honesty always heals, and I'm done lying to myself and others about what I want out of life.

If in doubt say yes and do it... you never know it might be fun..

Pain always ends. eventually.

Don't mix water and electricity.

There will always be more beer/booze another day. (the one I always seem to forget)

Love is wonderful for longer than it hurts.

Be kind to your body and it will be kind to you.

Typing classes weren't just for meeting girls.
Actually, I met one of those girls 45 years later and when I told her I had a secret crush on her back then, she said, *I know*. I was struck speechless.

Not everything can be fixed with a pill, somethings you have to smoke....

A hangover is never a good look.

Never get involved in a land war in Asia

No-one over the age of 3 is happy all the time: everybody gets scared and sad at times.

Never crying is a sign of weakness, not strength.

Oooh, I like those, HI, I'm pinching those!

I think I'll pinch them too...

To add to the list:

Fashion is supremely unimportant; don't buy ridiculous clothes you don't feel comfortable in just because that's what's in right now.

Don't take anything on trust. If you can't see the logic of something, there might not be any.

If you buy cheap things on principle, you'll probably end up buying them more than once.

Deep and meaningful statements are easier to formulate while drinking.

>Never get involved in a land war in Asia<

Unless you name is Genghis

Or Norman.

if at furst ya donn sucseed

pull yer foreskin oe'r yer heed

When the pin is pulled Mr Grenade is not our friend.

And *how* long did it take you to learn that one?

When my instructor came down on me like a ton of hot S

As my fire-juggling instructor told me:

"Not the red ends! Not the red ends!"

RF

No-one ever said on their death-bed: I wish I'd spent more time at the office.

RF