h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Glad to be of service

(That'll only mean anything to hitchhiker fans)

Srsly, welcome to the world of adulthood. Affairs of the heart are never easy, but you sure as heck aint gonna get through life without experiencing some heartache. So feel proud that you've moved one step up on the great snakes and ladders board of life.



And good luck with the exams

yes - good on you edg

happens. I am glad to know that you have the presence of mind to deal with it rather than cave in - and you must be a lovely person to have your friends rally round you.

Good luck with your exams. I am sure with your strength of personality you will succeed. And afterwards - you should stick around here - we need bright young members!

I think the best advice you have been given comes from anancygirl'

If you see the college counsellor you will be given a lot of help but you also need to see your tutor(s) and ask/warn them that you are deeply upset.They will be on your side and may have a quick access route to a counsellor.

I know I'm seem to only offer practical suggestions..but frankly this person wasn't the love of your life.He's just the love rat of your life.The real love of your life awaits somewhere else beyond your exams and you need those to get on with the rest of your life.Put the little turd in his place and show him that you are made of sterner elements than he is..

I'm saying this at 57 looking back to the times I was 18 and about to take my A-levels..and feeling the same.I got over it and I've now been married for 36 years to a man I met a month later.

Best of luck on your exams.
one last pearl from my divorce lawyer, "the best revenge, is your living well".
Hope to see you around, let us know how the exams went.

Good luck with your exams - hope you'll be able to come back..and get over all of this. Hearts break, and they heal, the pain feels awful, but it will get better.

Bonchance, m'dear.

Invest in a relaxation/sleep CD or mp3. There's a good one on Amazon MP3 section called Sleep Deeply by Gail Borden for 80p, and a friend recommends Deep Sleep Every Night by Harrold somebody. The friend is going through a separation with her husband, and had been tossing and turning all night every night, but she can sleep now thanks to Harrold somebody, and is coping with everything wonderfully.

Tiredness makes everything seem worse, if you can sleep, you'll be amazed about how well you cope with everything. x

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What happened there?

"The love-rat of your life" - great phrase Incognitas.

Superb advice here (someone should turn it into an entry).

I'll just add a couple of things.

Spend some time single. When we are in a relationship, we adapt to accommodate the person we're with. If we're with someone clever who spends time studying then we'll study harder ourselves, we discover the joys of running on summer evenings if we are with someone sporty, and so on. So whenever you come out of a relationship there's a period while your previous partner's influence wears off and you rediscover who you are. It's important you do this. You deserve to be you, and whoever you fall in love with next deserves to fall in love with you not you-as-shaped-by-your-ex. (There's a novel I'll never write about a woman falling in love with a man based on his ex-wife's book collection).

If you hate being alone, then hook up with your girlfriends rather than looking for another relationship immediately. And don't go out and get legless, it's shite for your self-esteem, very boring, and NOT a path of self-discovery. Quite the reverse, it's how people run from who they are.

This advice about being yourself and doing things you like doing for a while is particularly relevant given your age. Everyone changes a lot between 15 and 18, and I doubt you really know who you are. I hope that doesn't sound patronising, it's true for most of us whatever our age. I've just been reading 10 year old diaries and not recognising a lot of aspects of me then.

You are going through two processes at the moment; someone's already said you are grieving, and grief is largely future-oriented - it's about your hopes, expectations and plans which won't now come to anything.

The other process is called de-cathexis. Cathexis is the process whereby the ego-boundaries dissolve and we become increasingly comfortable and happy with another person, to the point where we need them around. They are our "other half". De-cathexis is the process of re-building those ego-boundaries. In other words, of re-fixing that broken heart. Give it time, and follow Mina's excellent advice to think of something else. I used to have a written list of subjects to think about instead of thinking about my ex.

Good luck with it all. You are clearly a wise and self-aware young woman. I doubt that he deserves you.

Ben

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It's still crap advice

i said right at the start its bad advice, but it is an option!!!

balanced debate and free speech and all that

Good advice or bad, it has to be considered.

Saw this a while back, it took me ages to find it again. From a source I wouldn't have guessed:

*Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore; only the life I have lived. The pain now is part of the happiness then.*

Anthony Hopkins

A bit of a Debbie Downer I guess but he's right, it's all wrapped up together.

My own advice- go to a comedy show or a night spot with a comic- even a bad comic lets you see that you aren't alone.

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Man up and drop it Taff.

iv'e been ed again????

so much for free and open debate



get over him, enjoy yourself, then knuckle down and study, then pass your exams

is that acceptable to the prigg???