h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes, as announced recently, I am to become a mother-in-law this year. my eldest son plans to marry his girlfriend.

Sometimes people collect recipes or poems or photos to give to the couple for their wedding.

I would like to assemble a book of good advice.

If you've run a household for a good while, or observed others doing it and have any ideas as to how it could be done better, or if there is a sensible tradition in your family which you can't understand why more people don't do (eh?), list them here and I'll put them together for the happy couple.

They're not getting married till September.

I doubt if they'd take advice from me, but if I was thinking these up for other couples, I'd advise:

1. When you arrive at a place where there are a lot of people and you are unfamiliar with it (fairground, festival, concert, department store) don't split up till you arranged what to do if one or more of you get lost.

2. Never leave anything in the kitchen sink - especially not water.

3. Don't gather too much clutter - have thorough annual clearouts.

Off you go then - three pieces of advice per contributor. They can be funny, but should be as short as possible.

If there are just two of you, if lost go back to the last place you were together.

Never go to bed on an argument.

Never point & giggle in the bedroom.

Remember it's a long war; it's ok to lose some battles.

There's no telepathy in marriage - you need to talk.

Always have seperate wardrobes.

Treat all advice with a pinch of salt

1. Remote controls can be operated by both sexes.*

2. Problems that go away by themselves come back by themselves.

3. One I learnt at boarding school, which has stood me in good stead ever since:

Use safety pins to pin your socks together when you put them in the laundry basket - it saves sorting them when they come out of the washing machine.

RF

* Apparently

1. allways go for a s**t when you need one

2. the 2 most important words you can say are "yes dear"

3. never eat yellow snow

1. Never assume.

2. Never turn down the offer of food, drink, or a chance to use the loo (this one is more appreciated as you get older)

3. No invoking satan! (the hoof marks on the carpet are a beggar to remove. And believe it or not, this was actually one of our house rules )

1. Talk things through, before they become a problem.

2. Make time for yourselves.

3. Share everything, including housew*rk.



lil xx

1) Decide whether the toilet seat belongs up or down before you get married and stick to it.
2)Remember thing anniversary and keep it holy.
3)Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
Not the most insightful advice but I think it’s all pretty solid.

1. never eat yellow snow
2. never get involved in a land war in asia
3. never get involved in a life and death gamble with a scicillian

inconcievable!!!!!!

Don't get petty.It just leads to pointless bickering.Does it really matter which way the toilet roll hangs or how one squeezes the toothpaste tube?

Always know where your towel is.

...so long as it isn't left in a soggy heap on the bed

Have the courtesy to understand that people will worry - let them know where you are and that you are safe if you are not where you are supposed to be. from My Grandmother

She also used to say "If you want to know the easiest way to do something ask either a lazy person or someone who hates doing the job."

She was a wise woman - will add more as I remember them.

Always eat a good breakfast, you never know where your next meal is coming from.

Always polish your shoes, you don't get a second chance at a first impression.

Never marry a woman with big hands, they make your willy look small.

1) For men: 'yes' sometimes means 'no' and 'no' sometimes means 'yes'.
2) For women: 'yes' means 'yes' and 'no' means 'no'.
3) For men: women always ignore rule (2) refer to rule (1).
4) When writing a fantasy 'I'd let you have sex with these people if you got the chance' list remember: only put down celebrities NOT your wife's sister.

Re 4): Even so, it is safer to virtuously claim, 'but my list would be empty '.

To which the reply would be 'Liar'...

Which is just a cheap trick to trap you. Stick to the official version!

Both should know how to cook. It´s not only cheaper and healthier, it also gives you an easy and delightful opportunity to please and show your couple how much you love him/her (and how creative you can be)

Both should improve their Ars Amandi techiques. Being the giver is as pleasurable as being the receiver. It´s actually a sweet selfish "investment" in your own pleasure.

Play, whatever, but play together.
Any time is perfect to show how much you love/care him/her

Once a week, celebrate the Dionisos´Day. Add tasty food, music, candles...