h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

These are really good, (or really bad), but it's supposed to be the opening sentence.

For instance - "Ben Bradshaw's apartment reeked of seduction, from the calculatedly uncomfortable chairs which would practically force a female guest to share his overstuffed and undersized couch to the prominent and well-stocked bar to the full-ceiling mirror over the bed with the little white letters which said, "OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE LARGER THAN THEY APPEAR." "

Mine was an opening line. I knew what you were looking for.

Christopher should win something.
If only my appreciation, which is famous for being hard won.

~jwf~

PS: Pedro has confused me now by claiming 'Dark and Stormy' comes from Book 2 of the Three Musketeers. No one objected to that claim. So are we still sure that Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton's 1830 novel "Paul Clifford" which famously begins "It was a dark and stormy night" is the original?

BTW: thanks to all concerned for entry A22547829.

It was almost the best of times, not the worst. Everything regressed to the mean. He, undistinguished; she, nondescript. Still, they had each other, a bus pass and so much to live for.

"My life is like an open book," he claimed in a rather conceited manner that put her in mind of a certain vainglorious aunt she tried - with mixed success - to avoid, and not unlike one of the many oversized coffee table books in her aunt's living room, he was pretentious rather than entertaining, covering far too much of the leather Chesterfield, and revealing trivial details in which she was not the least interested.

Evening came and the sun was setting low and bloody red on the horizon. Last few birds were rushing to the wind-swept trees to find shelter in their nests and await the final battle of man. Steam rose from the earth as if trying to set the scene for the bloodshed that was about to commence. All around the town shutters were hastily closing to avoid blood spatter and sight.

- some of these are more than one sentence....

Oh, true. Opening Paragraph, then?

"Yes, come on people", exhorted Happy Nerd, who was suffering from insomnia, "by simply ignoring everything we know about writing and refraining from using a period (also known as full stop) or other final punctuation mark until just before hitting the "post message" button, we can make a single, ridiculously long and possibly convoluted sentence, such as this one, since a single sentence is - at least in part - that for which the contest asks.

*Dips big toe in the water, shuts eyes, holds nose and dives in*



"O drat!" exclaimed Meridith, "Oh dratandblowandcrumbs!", as the rock buns went rolling down the steep path, closely followed - and some even overtaken - by the tinny lid of the biscuit tin she had just dropped - with a clatter and a bump, surprising the children following behind her in Indian file who were all excited in anticipation of a super adventure ahead of them and chasing the odd squirrel which had ventured out onto the path to investigate the noisy crowd passing his little lair and spoiling his afternoon nap: for what is an adventure without a tin of rock buns?

The problem with your offering, TC, is that it actually makes me want to go on reading!

Yeah, y'can take the good out of writing but you can't take good writing out of TC. Bad writing is just too easy for the truly sophisticated and caring mind. And there are some mighty fine examples above.

~jwf~

She did manage to get that slightly sickening Enid Blyton quality into it though, credit there.

I have a great one but it uses a trademarked caracter name can I post it anyways if it is a parody of the original. It is actually a decent parody sentce but no one would want to read the rest of the book

>>>> but it uses a trademarked caracter name

You mean, like...


They call me Ishmael, or at least they would if their mouths were filled with bubble gum, or oatmeal, or perhaps an extremely large wad of salt-water taffy, the kind you can get from the sweet shop on the boardwalk, provided it isn't Wibble, because that's the day the sweet shop is closed, and I'm pretty sure even a really humongous piece of salt-water taffy won't last a whole day, no matter how slowly a person sucks on it - the taffy I mean, what were you thinking - because without a gargantuan chunk of salt-water taffy, they'd call me Ismay (it's French; it means "loved" - cool, huh?) or just Izzy for short.

I mean like
Mesa Jar-J@r Binks mesa gonna be your story tell for another bad star wars spin off

Go with the alternate spelling for now.

_____
Dear Mr. Lucas,

This following is for educational purposes only. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Sincerely,

Happy Nerd.
--------

Okay, go!

Thank you, ~jwf~. Your indiscernment is... well, I think it is

Thank you Bouncy - that was the idea!!!

Which leads me to suggest a thread along the lines of "a story in the style of". It's been done before, I think, but so what. Used to be a scream on "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue"

She was a redhead, with the kind of figure that made him think of an early Yes album cover, but that as they say was a story for another time.