h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I see shere you are coming from and while agreeing with you about betrayal I disagree with your own "grown-up" venmous barbs .

As a grwon up who lives in the real world you too should know that monogamy is a rare thing, unusual,so unusual it sould be best described as an abberation. Those who expect or demand it of their partners are infact the ones not behaving like grown ups. I know this because Ive looked at the real world and seen the truth. Monogamy is about as *natural* as the pixies you talk of.

Now at no point did I mention any of the possible back story regarding the super gluing assailant because the back story makes not one bit of difference whatsoever.

She did what she did and should be responsible for her actions like...well an adult. It wasnt self defence it was an act of cruelty she knows she was wrong and has shown it by unsuscribing.

She should certainly not be applauded by other people simply because she was a woman and the person she possibly maimed was a man. My initial point in all this.

I have every synpathy with those who suffer mental and physical cruelty at the hands of their family and loved ones. So often they feel they have no where to turn or feel unable to out of loyalty or shame take any positive action to change anything.

More importantly cant you see that cheering on MORE violence is the answer to emotional and physical abuse or and does nothing to encourage people to actually deal with it in a constructive way. Have you even considered that the perceived and actual inequality in this hypocrtical attitude only spurs on some men and parents in their self pitying attitude which are the cause of so much domestic abuse in the first place.

not enacting more violence is not the same as putting up with it.

one love

I'm going to try and get this conversation back onto the topic (I think) the author originally intended because it is arousing an awful lot of bitterness
As Hoo said, the best sort of revenge is a life well lived - I can personally attest to this. Without going into too much detail my dad was a seriously unplesant human being and as soon as we were old enough my elder brother and I (having grown, by the age of 14 and 13 respectively, much bigger than him) planned to get our revenge in kind. Nothing came of this talk and I just cut my dad out of my life. By sheer coincidence he happened to ring the place I was staying a couple of weeks ago (he had no idea I'd be there, it was a surprise to all except the person I was staying with) and asked, full of melodrama, if I still hated him. I'm insanely proud of my reply "No, I don't. I pity you sometimes but mostly I don't think about you at all, you're kinda irrelevant" I then went onto detail how awesome my life has become since I last had contact and then I hung up. End of story but probably the most satisfying revenge I've ever had
The most entertaining piece of revenge happened while I was doing my GCSEs, I was doing a piece of experimental Physics coursework and this lad kept on resetting my apparatus, making me start all over again. Eventually he left the room and I went fishing in his bag and took out a piece of his coursework and hid it. This lad had a less-than-stellar academic record so when he said truthfully he couldn't find the work, people didn't believe him. For a week I let him squirm, panicing about what was going to happen to him. I then handed back the work, undamaged and told everyone what I had done. I accpeted my punishment with a smile on my face because it was worth it

hi Iago,

I went through a period in my twenties where I would not have any contact with my mother at all (she having been a very abusive mother, alcoholic, the whole vindaloo). I got back in touch with her when I turned 30. It somehow hit me that at that age my mother had four kids and an abusive husband and I asked myself - 'would I have done any better than her' - given that all this happened in the mid-late sixties. And we were living in a fairly small and isolated community in northern Canada. And my very honest personal answer to that was - probably not. So I gave her another chance.

My father was a whole other story.

The point is, I didn't feel like I had got revenge, rather that I had helped heal certain wounds. I know now that both my parents suffered because of what they did to us to the extent that they never ever had proper lives themselves. They were too lost within their own pain.

So, when I got to the age, to the point where I could have taken revenge and could have hurt them too, it was just not something I could consider. Because I saw that, in spite of the serious abuse they had heaped on us kids, that they were actually way worse off than any of us were.

Yes, I agree that the best sort of 'revenge' is a life well-lived. That you have not let others make you stoop. That you maintain what is important to yourself. And that you continue to fight for what is important to you.

I still think that wanting to take revenge is just as nasty as what motivated the feeling. And personally speaking, I want no part of this.


az

Yeah, I suppose revenge is the wrong word for what I got with my dad, but oh well.

My take on this is that bearing grudges is an utter waste of time. How on earth are relationships going to develop if one can't move forward instead of harping back to things that have happened in the past.

I'm thinking particularly about relationships with work colleagues.

I also like 'the life lived well' thang.

I.

Iago, I think what you managed with your Dad was great and very good for you - a semblence of closure and letting him know he could no longer hurt you. Well done.


az

Thanks az, I still prefer the other bit of revenge I got though

Yeah, I've felt that too, with both my parents, Iago. Perhaps a milder sort of 'revenge'. As in, there was nothing I did about it other than realize that was the case. That they ended up way worse off than I ever did. Still, I took no pleasure from this.

Having said that I also see your point, that you felt you had 'won a battle' with your father. And I think that's great, especially the way you did it.


az

Here's the thing, it wasn't about winning a battle. Unsurprisingly for someone growing up with abusive parents I tended to see the world in terms of power and frequently how little I had. What I did with my dad wasn't about power, it was like closing a door on a room that's too noisy or smells. I simply removed an inconvinience from my life
Iago

As I said before, well done Iago. Very well done. Sometimes you do need to close the door, remove what was not either wanted or needed.

Perhaps ten years from now you'll be telling me about how you opened the door a bit again? Or not. Whatever.

I still think the best 'revenge' happens outside one's own actions.


az

Perhaps I will, we'll see.

Hoo dlumPriest, you refer to massive assumptions. Specfically, the massive assumption that someone is in a loving relationship, which implies trust.

I disagree with your belief that for a persons to be in a loving relationship is a massive assumption, and I will fight you to the ends of the earth.

OK, I have no direct experience in the area you're talking about, Az and Iago, but I do have an ex-wife about whom I occasionally have revenge fantasies. I feel that they are exactly that...fantasies. I treat them in the same way as sex fantasies, i.e. I would never want to act them out IRL. And actually, the outlet for my negative feelings is to indulge in these fantasies, rather allow them to impinge on my real life, which I'm trying to get on with regardless.

Does that make sense?

RF

I've missed the past page or so of blog, but gather that some of it is whether or not to dwell on any forms of revenge as the whole thread started. (Including some very barbaric examples) I've an ex, who caused me and an infant child no end of grief. I was even offered, by strangers, to resolve the 'problem' for a minimal price. And while my own mind could envision many ways to seek retribution, I settled on the "wait and see what happens" method. Twenty-two years later, our child despises her, she's been through a couple more marriages and another teen-child who thinks little of her. Simply put, there is nothing I could have devised or wished on her that the fates and her own nature haven't inflicted.

And yet, being a soft-hearted and humane lad, I occassionally feel sorry for the poor wretch she has become.....

I think the best revenge symptom, for me anyway, was the satisfaction of saying 'i'd moved on and your not part of my life anymore'. Hope he dwells in his own self pity.

I'd just like my ex to stop breathing - nuff said.

hi freddy,

<>

Really? I always thought most people would want to act out their sex fantasies if given half a chance. Hmmm. . .

But I think I know what you mean. Fantasies often allow us to release our emotions in a harmless manner. Far better to fantasize about doing something nasty to someone than actually do it. But I also think that, for myself, I prefer to do without the fantasies because even thinking about stuff like that makes me feel like I am still reacting like a 'victim'.

If that makes sense . . .


az

hmmmmm

Freddy, I have had fantasies about what I'd like to do to my dad but, completely surprisingly the most effective piece of 'revenge' I never saw coming. Oh well

In the cinema where I work we do get the occasional idiot who treats us like dirt so many of the staff have have a game - appropriate but bizzare revenge. The last guy who really pi**ed me off has been deemed deserving of the following revenge - he was a loner for certain and a bit of a loser. As soon as he walked out of the cinema he saw the love of his life, the love at first sight. As soon as she sees him, she will be similarly smitten. However just as she looks at him a bird defecates on his head. He rips off his wig but it doing so puts his hand in the guano. Shocked by the feeling and smell and just eww of it all he flings it away. Who does it hit? His soul-mate of course who is also a black belt and gives him a nifty karate chop to the neck and walks off, their love never to be fulfilled. It took me a whole 40 minutes to devise that one

any more iago?