h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh and one of my absolute pet hates is friends saying to me "oh there's someone out there for you" or "it'll happen soon" "you'll meet someone.." or "Oh being in a couple is not all that great you know- lucky you- i wish i was single" (whilst patting me on the head in a condescending manner)

Rubbish. Utter tosh. I know they're well meaning, but that guff really annoys me. There are no guarantees at all. It is perfectly possible that i will live out the rest of my life single and unhappy.

I just feel like i'm missing out on so much. As I said above, the fleeting hours that i've been with a woman i've cared for, have been so enjoyable. Even simple things like going out for a walk or watching TV become more pleasurable when you've got someone you're emotionally bonded with to talk to or share the experience with. It's not quite the same with platonic friends.

I really feel like i'm wasting my life. I'm not daft or idealistic. I know relationships aren't all a bed of roses. I just want the chance to find out for myself

"What's for you, wont go by you" Another meaningless piece of nonsense I hear all the time.

I wish i was so simple of mind that i believed in some grand master plan with someone up there planning out my life for me, and with my best interests at heart. How easily comforted some people must be.

Moi, bitter? I'm sorry, i know there are worse things going on out there, and in the grand scheme of things, my singledom is totally irrelevent, but i defy anyone to get to my age without having had a relationship, and not be a little bitter and twisted and slightly off kilter... I believe, that like all animals, humans are designed to couple in some way- if that never happens, brain chemistry and perception of the world are going to alter in some way.

Am i ranting and raving yet?

I wonder if there is some key in that you mentioned the only people with whom you felt a mutual spark were unobtainable? We're only hearing your version of encounters - perhaps subconciously you give some erroneous message to available women.

Sorry I haven't any advice to offer other than to seek some professional advice.

Hmm. I'm not quite in your situation, Nimbus, but not far off it. I also do internet dating. I have to say, I'm quite pushy, and try to get to a meeting reasonably quickly. Frankly, if I'd been chatting to someone every night for 5 weeks...well, it would never have happened. She'd be history by now. But seeing as you've got there, I would seriously apply some pressure to meet now, otherwise you're just wasting your time and energy.

My

RF

And here is my on internet dating.

Is it possible that the lady is stalling you because she is already seeing someone? Or has someone else lined up?

Sorry to sound like the harbinger of doom, but when I do internet dating there is usually one guy that I am most keen on and then a couple of 'possibly's waiting in the wings. If my favourite doesn't ask me out, then I might go out with one of the others. That probably sounds horribly scheming, but I have tried the 'actually I'm already seeing someone' approach and it usually just makes them even more keen to get a date.

I don't like the pushy guys who try and foist their phone number upon me after two messages. My approach with the internet dating is a few messages on line, then a couple of e-mails, then the phone call and then meet. It usually takes less than three weeks to get from the first message to the first meeting. If I was still exchanging messages with someone after 5 weeks, I wouldn't actually have any intention of meeting them. I would suggest giving her an ultimatum 'meet me or move on' - what have you got to lose?

Personally, if someone was wanting to exchange messages with me every night, I would see that as over keen (yes, it's true, women are impossible to please) - anyone who leaves a message every day appears a bit desperate to me. I'd like to meet someone special - otherwise I wouldn't bother with Internet Dating - but it wont be the end of the world if I don't.

Liz
~

Thanks for all the replies guys

On the subject of internet dating. Well yes 5 weeks (6now) is a long time, and i am fully aware that many of the usual dating rules don't apply online. For example, in 'real life' anyone dating more than one person at any time, or even chatting other people up whilst going out on other dates, would of course be frowned upon. This behaviour, is however almost manditory with internet dating, as any site worth it's salt will be finding you more than one 'match' per search. The chances are, therefore, that like buses, when one match comes along several other potentially suitable ones will follow in quick succession...

As i have often been, and currently am in the situation of talking to more than one person , then i fully expect that the people i am talking to could be in a similar situation. So Lizzbet, i take on board your comments The difficult thing i find, is that as we all know, no two people are totally alike and everyone you talk to will respond differently to the same dialogue. For example, I have in the past been fairly forward in volunteering my email address first, then a few emails later, my number, then after a week or 2 of texting or phoning a meeting. I try to judge how pushy to be though- if it's always me and never her volunteering personal info, then there's probably not as much interest on her part as mine. But i do agree with ReadyFreddy on timescales- a week or so on each progressive level of communication before a meeting after 2-3 weeks would be my ideal balance between rushing things too much and wasting time and effort, and totally over-anylysing each other. After-all, in conventional dating, you usually know very little about your partner before you 'click'. You find out all your similar likes and dislikes whilst dating. I don't really see why on an online environment you should need to know much more than what's in the profile...

I have, however a few years back, had a girl arrange a meeting upon first contact! (I went along and she was awful... she even stalked me on the phone for weeks afterwards), so i couldn't have been too pushy for her! The one i'm mainly talking to now, however.. well, we're honest with each other about other rivals.. i don't really see any point in lying about anything much in internet dating. When you meet, you'll be found out. So i do believe her when she says, she has to get to know someone very well before meeting.. She says she's had a few disasterous dates with people she's met really quickly. Now she's taking her time, and getting to know more about me.

Now here's the twist.. and the reason i haven't given up on her... We're now having MSN cyber sex! Several hours, most nights typing furiously all manner of x-rated prawn at each other, even exchanging some tastfully lit photos! To say this frustrates me is an understatement though.. and we are moving towards a meeting. It was almost on Friday, but she's on call this weekend and doesn't want us to be disturbed if we really do fancy each other when we meet!

She is scared to meet me, after a guy she got on with as well as me, suddenly stopped contact without explanation. We have now re-assured each other that this wont be all or nothing.. we've established that we get on well enough (she's turned on by a man's writing skills of all things) that even if we don't fancy each other enough for sex, we would be at least friends, and if that were the case we would both keep looking for a real date on the site. If only one fancies the other.. well we'll cross that bridge if we get to it.

Can you see where this is heading, after my first posts on here? I always get to this stage, whether it's online, or more conventionally meeting someone.. it gets to a stage where it almost seems inevitible that some sort of coupling will ocur.. my single days are almost over Then nothing happens

Watch this space.

Is anyone still watching this space?

I'm still here. My situation is a bit different than it was, though. I'm still single, still live alone, but I do have a gentleman admirer. We've been seeing one another for 2 years. We spend quite a bit of time together, 3 or 4 evenings a week. We've vacationed together. But he has his placed and I have mine. I still have my space and time to myself. This is important to me. It's as perfect an arrangement as I can imagine. I am genuinely amazed that this happened considering my age. We have a lot in common and have a good time together. So, never say never. If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.

I'm here and I'm listening... I can certainly see where you're coming from, Nimbus.

The most superbly unhelpful piece of almost advice I received when I was eighteen and anxious about the non-movement of my love life? I know the lady was only trying to make me feel better about it and for all I knew she might actually have been right, but when she said "I've had a lot of sex and it means nothing, frankly it's over-rated" to a rather idealistic virgin... well, you can probably guess how I felt inside. Sort of shrivelled up, as if something had curled up and died inside...

I very rarely remember to check on H2G2 these days but it's nice to see old threads still alive when I do pop back.

My situation is vastly different to how it was when I last commented on this thread in 2006. Not only have a I met someone, he has moved in and we got married 3 weeks ago. My mother always said there was someone out there for me (I hate it when she's right). No one told me that my someone would be an overweight, balding, bearded docker or that I would have to wait until I was past 40 to find him, but find him I have. We met via a trivia website of all places.

But what about you, Nimbus, are you still single?

Congratulation Lizzbett!




lil xx

Congratulations Lizzbett. Great to hear from you

Nice one, Lizzbet.

Personally, I think you end up with one you need. I did, and it is

We think the same thoughts, sing the same songs at various moments, finish each other's sentences...