h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Bling thank BoB didn't exist when I were young anyhow and I certain ain't going to invest in it now as a way of life... theres enough people asking to have their faces smashed in walking about as it is I don't want to add to the number Actually we never really did the driving to fast type of thing we were all too poor to afford cars etc.. well... maybe the odd motorbike thang in that respect 'loses its appeal'? more a way of life really ... can't imagine being 50 anyhow

SpannkMunki, Oprah didn't say how to tell if they were the right person or now. Or what would be more usefull, how to find them.

BTW what does "Is the Jerry Springer time" mean exactly. It may be because I haven't seen the opera but I can't make sense of what you're asking. Explanation please

In answer to 2 Leg's point... it's not that you don't still *want to do all that stuff - it's generally lack of time(kid orientated) money(kids cost a fortune) or energy. Not to mention attempting to set a reasenably stable example for the little dears.

My youngest hits 18 in about a month's time, and I intend reclaiming my lost youth and go to Glade next summer and catch up with my thwarted social life for 5 days - its my 50th birthday present to me a few months early and I'm really looking forward to it Glade, that is, not the big 5-Oh.

Then I shall return hoime, put my pinny back on and my curlers (and possibly newly acquired dentures) back in and make a semblence of conventionality till the next Jaunt

In the meantime, I'm breaking myself back in to A Life by going to Rocky Horror tomorrow in full fig and regalia.

As for being single... I've gotten used to it - I had to take an injunction out against the lad's da three days before the youngest was born (long story) and I sort of geared myself up to being single until I'd done my job of parenting - the lads' needs were consciously put before my own wants and I stuck by it. The social stigma didn't occur to me then - and it doesn't concern me now, really.

Being single is fine by me; being in a partnership again might be nice, too. And now the lads are grown maybe I can find out

And I couldn't imagine being 50 when I was 2 Legs' age, either. It happens to other people, but I could never quite imagine it happening to me.

And even at 48 I *still can't quite figure out how I've got this far....I reckon there must be some mistake and no-one's told me what it is!

I guess it's usually our biology that makes us seek a mate. I wish society wasn't so hot on it - I might have been more choosy & delayed 'settling down' and turning into my parents. Now I'm older & wiser, I'm trying to be me instead.

There are pros & cons to both states (single/couple) & often not a lot one can do to achieve the one you think you prefer! People can be very insesitive, quizzing about one's personal life.
Friends will tend to slip away when their state no longer matches yours, interests & lifestyle do change, people tend to mix with others doing the same things.
Perhaps if dinner invites have dropped off, you need to hold a few events yourself?

And why should homosexuality protect one from enquiries? Isn't a steady relationship still the expected norm?

I usually got out of the quizzing bit this way:

When I was asked 'Are you seeing anyone?' I usually replied 'Yep - at the moment I'm seeing you. If I look over there, I'm going to see someone else, and when I go elsewhere I'll see lots of other people'

*is there a pressure on being a couple nowadays?

I either haven't noticed it thru sheer willfulness, or perhaps I just don't think its important enough to be concerned about. Its never worried me going to the theatre or anywhere on my own, nor sitting down to a decent meal with just a book for company - I've enjoyed the experiences for what they were. Its more fun going out with a friend, or a crowd of friends, true - more giggle factor and a better conversation for starters. But going anywhere (except a pub - I don't like going into a pub on my own) solo has seldom really bothered me.

People are people first and foremost - whether I'm a Miss, a Missus a Mistress or a Me, I'm still the same person, and I tend to expect to treat others the same as I see myself. As a person.

What society as a whole thinks, is its own problem!

Yes, but it would stop people from asking why I don't have a girlfriend yet. I'm sure a few of them at least would avoid the subject altogether once word gets round, which given how interesting my life has been for the last few years, would be pretty quickly.

Is it anyone's business atall as to *why don't have a girlfriend/byfriend/pet iguana yet though? That seems to me to be a pretty invasive and unecessary question really. Apart from the obvious sexual perks, what else does it say about you as a person? Does it make you richer, more powerful, a Better Class of Person, etc? No!

Think about it. How often has anyone asked you when you last went to the bathroom? Thats about as invasive as asking the 'why?' question I reckon! Why don't these people just ask 'Have you had sex lately' - and be done with it!

Unfortunately, in my case that's a firm NO as well.

My reply would be "Well thankyou for offering, but..."

You don't have to answer every question you're asked completely honestly.....honest!

One of the odd things about working in the GU clinic is the second line in pretty much every conversation being 'oh right, I do have to ask when you last had sex?'

Eg,

'Doctor I've got a discharge'
'oh right, I do have to ask when you last had sex?'


'I'm worried I've got an infection'
'oh right, I do have to ask when you last had sex?'

'I want an AIDS test'
'oh right, I do have to ask when you last had sex?'

I'm wondering how many other requests I can use that phrase for...

No harm in asking, I suppose - but you may not like the answers! OR the results!

Medicoes are about the only peope who can legitametly ask that question and get an honest answer, because its my my own interests to tell them... if you see what I mean.

Is a GU clinic the modern day equivalent of what used to be STD clinic by the way? My lads have referred occaisionally to the GUM clinic up the road, but as I'm not supposed to know about that sort of thing (Mums have kids by internal combustion) I haven't asked them.

I hate the twee 'When were you last sexually active' question they ask tho - I've been having a bit of investigation in the plumbing department lately, and I was asked that by the last (youngish) gynae bod I had to see. I was tempted to say it depended on the partner - sometimes its not worth the effort of moving around a lot, but it didn't seem terribly kind to do that, so I bit my lip and answered sensibly.

Yup indeedy. In fact STI clinic is the current name, GUM (GenitoUrinary Medicine) was in vounge about 12 years ago I think!

I have to admit I tend to only say 'have sex' with men, and sometimes women who are around my age (I'm 25)or younger, I use much more causal language with them than I would with older people who I assume would want more formal language from a doctor.

*Actually I tend to say 'Sexual intercourse' and then specify rather than 'sexual activity' because you have to be specific about which sort of sexual activity so it's best to be direct.

<>

Sadly, that hasn't been true in my experience, at least not the *right* someone.

>SpannkMunki, Oprah didn't say how to tell if they were the right person or now. Or what would be more usefull, how to find them.<

What I meant was: Does Oprah have any advice when you find yourself doubting that your spouse is the right one, and also finding someone else more and more likely to be the one. Cue someone mentioning 'the grass is always greener'. Not something to be taken lightly either especially with kids, which is a testament to the good people on hootoo, any other forum would have posts stating "Dood jUSt b4ng teh otha gIRL!!!!!!!".

>"Is the Jerry Springer time" < = A hastily written and half re-written sentence that was supposed to mean: "Is that Jerry Springer time?", The Jerry Springer show is not usually seen as a vessel for sound and measured debate on family issues.

Not that I know anything, but I would try and sort out what's wrong with the current relationship and if you truely believe that your current relationship is doomed whether or not someone else is one the scene.

The feelings were evident long before the other person came along. Now I know that if I were to make it apparent what my feelings are on the matter it would be the beginning of the end.

Yes, that's right. The man with two sets of women troubles (not _that sort of women troubles) has highjacked a singletons thread. Classy.

>> and sometimes women who are around my age (I'm 25)or younger, I use much more causal language with them <<

I'm wondering how that goes...*how* casual do you get?

"Doctor, I've got this discharge."
"So...get lucky last night?"

RF

Does anyone have experience of age affecting the way one is quizzed about relationships? It strikes me that there's a phase when one is young & single & almost expected to be playing the field. The there's an age band when one is expected to be settling for one steady partner. If one reaches a more advanced age still single, is there not an assumption that one's too old/incapable to find a long term partner?
On the other hand, if you've been in a long term relationship that's ended, there seems to be an expectation that you'll start a new one.

Sympathises with Spankmunki - it is true that you have to work to maintain relationships. They're not all perfect & it is worth considering what you'd lose if you upset the apple cart. I'm speaking as one who sometimes daren't speak her thoughts for the damage it might do, but hasn't had the temptation of an alternative.