h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok bit of a questions that's been bubbling around in my head for a while now, so thought i'd throw it out here for your thought.

Over the recent bank holiday i was invited round to my old housemate and mucker from University days house for the traditional barbeque and falling down session.

So rambled along to be greeted by a group of old mates i've only seen on and off over the last few years as well as my more regular friends, and within the first few minutes i realised just quite how far our lives had diverged. With the exception of myself everyone was there with either wife/husband or long term partner.

Now just to make it clear that doesn't bother me in the slightest, i'm pretty much resigned to singledom and really have no desire whatsover to change the status quo, but it was fairly easy to see that my singledom was in some way marking me out in peoples subconcious as that little bit more odd than normal. I don't think this is something that just occurs here but rather in society in general, you pay more to go on holiday as a single person, you get funny looks if you see a film by yourself and god help you if you go out for a meal alone and i just can't help but wonder why, whats so wrong with being me, myself and i and not part of a couple. Great for those that want to be like that but why is it that if your single your seen (in most cases subconciously) as that little bit defective?

Stuff them I say!
Been through all the married, divorced, single again stuff. People can be anything at any one time, being single has its advantages sometimes, I come and go as I please, I actually meet more people going alone on holiday that if in a couple.
As to resigning yourself to being single, the strange thing is, when you stop looking you are more likely to meet someone....

>when you stop looking you are more likely to meet someone....<

Tis true, I stopped looking when I got married, now I'm beating them off with a sh*tty stick.

It's just one of those things you try to ignore when you're single. I rarely get invited anywhere, because i'm single. It does'nt worry me, i just find it odd that people think i'm a threat to any married woman, even worse, that i have any interest in their husbands in the first place
I like being single, i like doing what i like when i like. I also like being round people too...hey-ho such is life.

Knowing that I would be single for most of my life, I did hobble together an extended family. The problem of aging gay boomers in NYC is that so much of what is out there is pub/youth directed. I don't mind the being alone, and the knowlege that I raised a fine forster son is very comforting. It does take efort to keep yourself interested and away from potentialy socially awkward situations such as reunions. My last college reunion swore me off that nostalgia.

Oprah says if you meet the right person that's fine. If not get a cat.

What does Oprah say when you think you meet the right person then a few years later you meet the next right person? Or is the Jerry Springer time?

Among my old and trusted circle of friends I remain the only true singleton. As they have all happily settled down, married and started to raise families, I see less and less of my old friends. I don't resent them this happiness, indeed it is something that I myself hope one day to achieve, but it's inevitable that there is some degree of social distancing.

As I trudge relentlessly towards 30 still unnatatched, my parents are starting to despair that I may be a bachelor for the rest of my life. My baby sister is about to give birth to her first child, she's getting married to her fiance in the near future and is settled and happy, yet I remain a restless and careworn presence. My friends too are starting to wonder when (or indeed how) I'll finally meet the right young lady for me. Some are more optimistic than others (wedding invitations to Rockingmonk +1, etc), but just about all of them are becoming increasingly concerned about by emotional welfare.

To be honest they do have a point. I've been single for just over a year now, and previous to that brief relationship I had been on my own for five years. Apart from my two cats, I live alone, master of my own destiny, with no responsibilities to anybody other than myself (and sometimes my Mother when she needs something taking down off a high shelf). The trouble is I've got so used to living alone and only thinking about myself (and my cats) that I've become - for want of a better word - selfish. I've become so insular and self-reliant that I find myself questioning if I have time for anyone in my life, or if I could adjust to being in a relationship after spending so long on my own. All the care, love and attention that I would normally give a life partner I give to my friends and family. And cats. My friends do sympathise and try to encourage me to find a partner, but with a only a handful of exceptions, their social circles are somewhat limited compared to mine, so 'setting me up' with one of their single lady friends isn't really a viable option.

I suppose you're right, there is some kind of social stigma with being single. Some of us are quite happy to remain that way (very good, all power to you, etc), whereas others among us struggle on in the face of adversity, in the hope that one day we do finally find who we are looking for.

"As I trudge relentlessly towards 30 still unnatatched" Thanks for that, I'm now 34, and single.

"My friends too are starting to wonder when (or indeed how) I'll finally meet the right young lady for me." Yes, mine too, every time I see one of a group of friends and relatives I haven't seen for a few months (most of them), the first question will invariably be along the lines of 'Are you seeing anyone yet?' How am I supposed to have the time to meet someone, I work 60-70 hours a week, and spend up to 2 hours a day travelling between jobs on top of that. I'm thinking of telling them I'm gay (I'm not), just to make them stop asking such a stupid question. Mind you, if I did that, at least half of them would say 'I just knew it. Well, so long as you're happy'

"I've been single for just over a year now" - I'm now on my ninth year alone. Tell that to your relatives, and give them something to really worry about.

"I've become so insular and self-reliant that I find myself questioning if I have time for anyone in my life". Yes, me too. Last year, a friend moved in with me, as his long term girlfriend had dumped him and he was homeless, and I absolutely hated having him there all the time. There was no time except in bed when I was on my own, and I've grown very used to having a bit of my own space and time over the years.

Still, being single is only a problem for you if you let it be, and if other people worry about it too much, you can always tell them to sling their hook please, all these questions are making me paranoid about being single.

I was widowed in May and so, fast approaching 40, I find myself single again.

Prior to meeting my husband 9 years ago I was single for 4½ years and quite happy that way. I love the freedom to do what you want, when you want. I don't even want to think about coupledom at this stage, but it is awkward as so many social events seem to be geared up for pairs. I have absolutely no single friends left. Luckily I'm not much of a party animal so I tend to stick to family events and girlie nights in. But one of my friends is getting married next year and I'm dreading that - I can't not go, but equally I'm not confident enough to go alone, and if I did I'd get looked at funny.

At least for the time being I'll be spared the "are you seeing anyone" questions and attempts at matchmaking. But they will come in time and I'm not looking forward to them - I enjoy my own company and when I want someone to hug, I have a who gives me all the affection I need!

Deb

I must have the best of both worlds. I'm married but live a single life. The wife, kids etc. live in the UK & I live & work in Trinidad, we see each other around three times a year.

OK it's not a great arrangement but it pays the mortgage & i can go to the pub when i like, leave the toilet seat up & do all the things i used to get moaned at when living at home.

In fact the only downside is no draught Guinness here.

I think I'd find that very hard, highamexpat.

I agree with an earlier poster that some distancing is inevitable - as a married with young kid, I spend a lot of my time either working or looking after said kid.

This means I have less time to do things that I used to do with single friends or at least sprogless friends, and therefore a little less in common with them.

One way singles can see their attached friends more is to realise they now have a lot of commitments - need to plan ahead, find a babysitter etc - can more easily do an afternoon rather than a late function.

sprout

There are various states of singlehood from isolated to engaged with others but not in a relationship. Trick is to find the right place for yourself. Life is strange, but relationships are often a bicycle built for two that starts without handlebars.

True it is hard at first but I started off around 15 years ago by working in the channel isles getting home every two weeks for a weekend.

That wasn't too bad then I spent 2 1/2 years in Barbados coming home 3 times a year & the family came out at least once a year.

The thing I miss most is seeing the grandchildren grow up. I go back & I'm like a stranger to them so we just get bonded again & I leave.

I do think about moving back to the UK but then i think about those cold winter mornings & scraping ice off the car & despite the problems here it doesn't seem too bad.

One thing I noticed when I became "single with children" after a long marriage, was that the dinner invitations stopped. Mum noticed the same thing when Dad died. It seems as single women are considered a threat...

I don´t know why... I´m definitely NOT attracted to any of the boring men my female friends drag along with

However, a couple of my male friends/colleagues in the same situation says that their dinner invitations increased... at least as long as they were seen as potential suitors to someones sister/ex-girlfriend/ favourite co-worker

What are these "dinner invitations" of which you speak?

RF 41, single.

Where I live that´s the way people get together. You invite people for dinner at your home and you socialize. Couples usually invite other couples, so when you are not part of a couple anymore people stop invite you.

The only exception being when it´s a "ladies night", when husbands etc not are invited.

I like to socialize with my friends because who they are, not because who they´re affiliated with.

I'm getting fed up of all my mates turning into boring old farts before there time... Why is it that once one is married and has sprogs or sprogs on the way that they all have to stop having any fun whatsoever? Two of my bestist friends are now 'happily married', both with kids/sprogs And hence now I hardly ever get to see em I used* to know these people... they used to like hanging out, drinking vast quantities of booze, taking drugs, listening to music doing rash and outlandish things, living dangerously having fun doing fun things etc., etc.,... Have they just decided they didn't like doing that after all for all those years? Single here (kind of ) and prefering it I think

Blimey, i started doing that after i got married

When many people get married and have kids their priorities and values change. When you are single taking drugs and driving like a lunatic only puts you at risk mainly. But with kids many start to think well if I die the kids will suffer so they start to think of more than just themselves. Also, eventually getting drunk, etc can get a bit boring over the years and people have got it out of their system and want to settle down, some never want to settle, but most do. Even if you don't get married and have kids, a wild life can lose its appeal after a while, it doesn't mean you have to live like a monk, but maybe people start to see things differantly as they get older, certainly walking around covered in Bling at 50 years old might look a little strange!