h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OK, so I met Mr Wonderful a few months ago and have been feigning no more than vague interest to myself ever since. Then last week he found out he's going abroad to study in two months, for eight months a year for the next five years. I was subsequently forced into realising just how much I care for him (ie, a *lot*), and know if I don't say something to him before he leaves I'll regret it forever.

Trouble is, everytime I see him I forget how to speak! We're good friends and I don't want him to think that's all been a sham. He's also so dedicated to his art that I don't think I have much to offer him that he actually wants (who in their right mind would get involved with someone just before leaving the country anyway?) But there remains some kind of spark, or feeling, between us that I can't quite explain any more than I can ignore it. I want to tell him, to his face, but I don't want to frighten, upset or anger him. Plus I feel insecure because in my mind this is the guy's thing to do, only I know this one never would.

Anyone got any ideas out there? Gxx

Well just come out and tell him you got nothing to lose and life is to short isnt it
My advice is go for it
REBs

Agreed.

It'd be horrible if after he goes you're left wondering 'what if' forever and a day.

Just remember, some guys just can't take a hint. I'm one of them. So be open about it.

Tell him before he leaves. A very close friend of mine never knew how much I cared about him till he was gone from my company (he's alive, I just never get to see him anymore). If you're good friends with the guy, likelihood is that, even if the feeling isn't mutual, at least you both know so things won't be weird.

And, on the side - be sure he hears "I love you" as opposed to "I want to have sex with you" (or any slightly ruder similar thought). For some reason, a lot of guys seem to think the two phrases sound alike.

As people have said, the one thing you certainly don't EVER want to be thinking, especially in this kind of case, is: 'what if?'.

If there's one thing I know, don't wait until it's too late... PLEASE!

Tell him, however you have to.... If he feels the same, great (apart from the separation part, but that's a different story ), if he doesn't , shit, but at least you know. Yeah that sounds such a cliche, but if you don't know you'll think about it for ages, if you do know, you can get on with things..... hopefully

( That's the hard part! )

"I love you" can sometimes carry an implicit request/demand for reciprocity, either of the form [...and do you love me?] or even [...and I'll be devastated if you don't say you feel the same way].

How about something like "Is there any reason why it would be a bad move to fall in love with you?". It might not sound that different, but if there's someone else he's interested in, or he's not interested in you beyond friend level, or if he's wary of about long-distance relationships, it might make it easier for him to explain how he feels without feeling threatened.
If he's positive, you have the option of saying that in fact, you already are in love with him. If not, you have at least let him know it was an option you were seriously considering without making him feel quite as guilty for not feeling the same way.

Whatever, my very best wishes to you.

Do you and this gentleman date?
Is it okay if he is willing to date you and not love you yet?
Love usually comes after dating.
Andrea (who accidentally told him because she could no longer stop it from coming out of her mouth)

Potholer's spot on about this!

"I love you" is pretty heavy, even if it's true. Something less full-on is a good idea. If I sort-of-liked someone but weren't quite sure if you wanted to take things further, I'd find "I love you" a bit scary and might go for the conservative response and say no. On the other hand, something more cautiously expressed allows for possibilities and discussion.

Otto

Honesty is the best policy. Open yer gob!

I agree too...the L word is too heavy and all you might do is scare him, which is the last thing you want.

But you should be honest or it'll eat you up inside...tell him how much you care about him and how much you're going to miss him and keep ever available apendige crossed...

(oh and you're wrong...there aren't any guys who take a hint!!)

Thanks guys!
Doesn't make it easier but at least I'm slightly more sure that telling him is a good thing...and that the word "love" is certainly best left until some unspecified later stage - if I'm lucky!
Even though I think there's at least a little chance he might just feel something like the same way - without worrying for the moment about the whole "away" thing - I'm scared I'll sound like I'm trying to demand something of him or take over his life, or think that maybe I'm doing this for me without considering how it will make him feel...
But then again I can't stop thinking about him - ever!

Get someone, (maybe even you) to point him in the direction of this thread. That should let him know.

I would take the approach of:

'It's just a shame I love you, really'

Depends what your feelings are for this guy.

If you can make time build up to it in steps becoming more intimate(both emotionally and physically) each time your together. If you pop out to get a bag of chips, hug him on the way out. While your there but his favourite chocolate bar or something (but not nestle because they're evil). He will probably catch on pretty quickly.

Never underestimate the power of comedy. Ask him about your problem but change the names. Finish with should Bo tell Jay how he feels before Jay leaves.

If he says yes, Bingo.

If he says no bo should not tell Jay before she goes, then tell him oh I'll wai till you come back then.

It worked for me but by the time my Jay came back I'd already met Liz

If you really want to go for the grand gesture turn up naked at his house with beer. In this mans book that is love.

Goodluck

As mentioned guys can't take hints, so the bob and jay thing probably won't work. Better to try the naked with beer approach then

But if the guy is going to leave, perhaps he doesn't want a relationsship. If he likes you slightly at the moment, it might still be he doesn't want to take it further. For what if he starts to really love you, and then that will screw up his travel plans. He may not be willing to risk that.

OOOh I used to be really irritated when blokes said they loved me. I mistook all that sort of stuff as being needy and hated being tied down. The words 'Utter misguided fool' spring to mind a lot these days. When I look back I realse they were responsible ,fine looking young men with prospects the sort of thing that I would walk a hundred miles in my bare feet singing the finnish national anthem for these days.

And they were probably just trying to be romantic and sweep you off your feet.

Gemma, It is also not very pleasant having somebody say they love you and not being able to say it back. So you might want to use another wording, as mentioned earlier.

Or say it (although before he leaves) in a way or a place where he doesn't have to give any sort of answer. Sweep into a new subject. If he wants to bring it up again, let him, that way he will never have a to give an answer if he doesn't want to.

However, that will require a bit of planning and the ability to be in complete control of the conversation.

"I would take the approach of:
'It's just a shame I love you, really'"

It doesn't sound terribly flattering, does it?

He's a bloke - buy him a crate of lager, and he'll be yours forever.

B