h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Saturday yesterday - always ripe picking for muppets and whiners.

First off, one of my co-workers is halfway through a transaction - the CD has already been rung up when the customer notices a price tag from another store on the back (we sell *used* CDs, remember) which is $2 lower than our price. Of course, he wants us to sell us to it him for that price. We don't do that because we have no idea why they priced it the way they did - it might have been on sale, it might have been mispriced by an inexperienced employee, any number of reasons. Either way, although the sticker should have been removed when we put our price on (but since it was on the back we didn't see it), we won't sell a CD for another store's price. But this bloke won't let it go and demands to pay the lower price. Luckily, this particular co-worker has the same kind of attitude about this sort of thing as me. He told the customer 'If you want to pay $6.95 for it then you need to go the store which put that price on it and see if you can get them to sell it to you for $6.95. At this store, this CD has always been priced at $8.95 and that's what we'll sell it to you for.' He grumbled about it but he bought it.

Then the was the girl who came in and tried to jump the queue (which was a rather long one - it was a busy Saturday afternoon of course) and get her money back on a CD she'd bought the previous week. After being told that she should join the end of the queue (which she wasn't happy about) and having waited in it, she proceeded to explain that she'd bought this Dido CD (a new copy) but she got the wrong one and wanted to exchange it for Dido's other album. After being told that we don't exchange new CDs once the wrapper comes off (and having the exchange policy notice - which is very big and is taped to the counter at the checkout - pointed out to her) but that we'll pay her $4 for it because we're going to have to sell it for $8 as a used CD, she came out with the same tired line that they all do - 'But I only bought it last week'



The length of time that has elapsed between when the CD was bought and when the customer tries to return it is not an issue here - the instant that the wrapping comes off, the CD ceases to be new in our eyes and can't be sold as such - it has to be sold as used. She won't let it go and keeps on about the time thing. So what we do sometimes in that instance is to give the customer a credit for the same price that we're going to sell the CD - that way we at least don't lose any money. She seems ok about this, so we ask for her receipt.


>>>


You know what's coming don't you Needless to say, she didn't get her new Dido CD from us

*shuddering at the thought of my colleagues - notorious "flight-holder-uppers" standing, naked on the tarmac*

*tries to imagine the blank stares Gosho must get when he asks his Austin, Texas customers to go to the end of the "que"*

Well, of course I translate it to 'line' for the benefit of the non-English speakers around here

When I lived in New York, "waiting on line" always got me. I never used the term. I would say, as does 99.99999999999% of the rest of the planet, "waiting IN line" and would get quizzical looks.... "Oh, "waiting ON line"....

"Yeahhhhh.... Waiting ON line...." (to myself: "What the He-double-hockeysticks does it matter IN or ON.... It was a Frikking line, and I was in it....")

Oddly enough, I read an article in the New York Times Magazine by William Safire on "New York-isms", things only New Yorkers say. He mentioned a few things that are unique to New Yorkers, and a LOT of terms I have heard in many places in the world.

He cited "making a light" (managing to get through on a light before it turns red or crossing the street before the no-walk sign comes on). Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I have used that term all my life, and it is commonly used in our neck of the woods.

The phrase he did NOT mention was "Waiting ON line".

Here is a term I thought everyone used, but apparently it is a Canadian-ism. "had the biscuit" (not the same as "taking the cake") means finished or done for, or even dead. In speaking with my friends from the UK, Ausralia, and the US, none of them are familiar with the term. They have heard of "taking the cake" but that is use as a superlative, as in "You have gotten into some messes in the past, but this takes the cake...".

I have heard explanations that it came from WWII and refers to mattresses which were thin and hard. However, this phrase has been used since before the turn of the last century.

In fact, it refers to the Catholic last rites. It is a Protestant term which refers to someone being so done in that last rites are needed... the host being derisively alluded to by using "biscuit".

"Had the biscuit means finished, no longer able to function, deceased. This expression is a Protestant allusion to the sacrament of Extreme Unction delivered to the dying by Roman Catholic priests. "Biscuit" is a contemptuous reference to the host." (from the Oxford Dictionary of Canadian English)

"Have had the biscuit" means "to be done for," and is not to be confused with the British expression "to take the biscuit," which means "to take the cake."

I used to work in a pub opposite Cardiff Castle (which boasts a roman keep) an american tourist ordered at the bar and complimented what a wonderful city I lived in.. She then said "and what a fantastic castle, but why'd they build it in the middle of a city centre?"

Sorry to just by and impose on your thread but it seemed like the perfect forum to tell that story!!

.... and so it is!

I am sure there are plenty of examples of tourists figuring that someone "built those ruins" in an inconvenient place. Unfortunately, Canadians don't really have ancient ruins to prominently display in convenient, or inconvenitent places.

I will have to think about some more bone-head remarks that I recall from my museum days.

There was one person who took exception to the "satanistic" displays in our Children's Museum... some little puppets from Tailand.... and suggested we should stick to flowers and birds and "other Christian images". I was glad that they didn't look up on the wall where there were some masks from Mexico depicting the devil and snakes.... They might have had to be hospitalized!

(telephone message sticky thing)

~~*post*-it note~~


(how apropos! )

"There was one person who took exception to the "satanistic" displays in our Children's Museum"

I think I might have already mentioned the woman who forbade her son - on religious grounds - from buying a CD by Japanese ukelele duo Petty Booka (a more innocent and wholesome act you couldn't possibly imagine) because it was called 'Let's Talk Dirty in Hawaiian'.

Lyrics here:
http://www.jpshrine.org/lyrics/songs/gahawaiian.html

I love those J-pop songs with those electric banjo's in them, it really gives it a unique sound!!!

I'm not sure why, but the parent objecting to the CD reminded me of a little episode that occurred in my neck of the woods a few years ago.

There was a project to start a "Sculpture Walk" in a field that was otherwise unused behind Rockliffe Park. About 50 modern sculptures were placed around this really huge field. I was by on the bus one day and wasn't terribly impressed with the sculptures.... I thought them too small for the area. However, I hadn't had a chance to see them up close, so reserved my opinion until such time as I could wander about amongst them.

As inevitably happens, a group of "concerned citizens" got all bent out of shape about the "monstrosities being foisted on them" (never mind that they were in remote part of a huge park, and that, aside form people driving by and a few dog-walker, the only people to likely have to look at them on a regular basis were art lovers).

A protest was planned; letters to the editor about money wasted on "crap", how artists were forcing the average citizen to look at things that could turn them to stone, how it was all a Satanic plot, etc., etc.,...; and a petition went round.

One morning two suburbanites showed up on my doorstep with said petition. The women were completely taken aback and aghast when I said that I would reserve judgement until I had had a chance to see the sculptures.... "You mean you want to LOOK at them???????"

"Um, yes.... Otherwise how would I know what evil I was asking to be removed?" (or words to that effect)......

"Well, I wouldn't would'nt to look at them... they are disgusting!" said one, the other nodding in agreement.

"You mean you haven't actully seen them?" I asked.

"Of course not!!!!" said one, the other nodding.

"Then how do you know they are "disgusting" if you haven't actually seen them?" I asked.

"We've been told how awful they are...."

Said I, "Well, I, for one, have a brain and eyes and prefer to use my own judgement about such things....."

They stumbled down my steps in a daze.... "Imagine she actually WANTS TO LOOK at them!" said one to the other.

Sadly, I didn't have a chance to look at them because that weekend, a group of "concerned citizens" took it upon themselves to uproot them and throw them in the Ottawa River. All the while, they were shouting about how the "taxpayers should'nt have to pay for such things".

The irony was lost on the mob that, now that they had turfed them in the river, the taxpayers were out of pocket for things that were going to sit at the bottom of the river.....

They were arrested, charged with vandalism, and fined for the cost of the sculptures..... I'll bet that pissed them off.....

Just a note.... as far as I know, the scultures have never been salvaged. A few years later I saw several still submerged in the murky water off the side of the road.

I'd have set the dogs on 'em, I think. Such presumption should not go unpunished.

Of all the small minded.... *grumble*

Notes from Tech Support:

A customer support technician contracted to provide computer technical support for a large telecom corporation received the following call:

"Good morning, [blank] Customer Care. This is [blank]. How may I help you?"

"My computer doesn't work and I need it fixed rightaway!" [Heavy Indian accent]

After identifying the individual calling, the support technician reviewed a previous service ticket and commented, "I see that a deskside technican has been assigned to deal with your problem. Has that technician responded yet?"

"Yes, she was just here and now she's gone and she did nothing, nothing at all."

"What did she tell you was wrong with the computer?"

"She said I don't have enough free disk space but that is wrong. I have plenty of disk space. I'm a programmer after all and I would know such things."

"How much free disk space do you have?"

"Plenty. That is not the problem and I want the real problem fixed now!"

"Yes, I understand, but again, how much free disk space do you have?"

"Why do you keep asking that question? I already told you I have plenty of disk space."

"Yes, I understand, but how much is 'plenty'?"

After a short pause, the caller replied, "How do I check that?"

He had 12 megabytes of free disk space to run Windows NT. Normally, the free disk space must have enough room for the swapfile and must be at the very least equal to the installed RAM, which in this case was 128 megabytes. Upon cleaning up the disk, the caller found that the computer was once again operational.

...Shouldn't the tech have fixed that whilst she was there, and showed him how to do it?

We had a book left in our book returns box today (or rather overnight, as it's for use when the library is closed) which had a bookmark in it - the person's bank statement!

David

Perhaps he insited that *couldn't* be the problem and refused to allow her to mess with his disc space...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


So I have another little rant here...


Is it just me, or does it seem like far too many parents have abdicated all parental control over their small children?

Last night I was in the grocery store and every few minutes a child who sounded to be at least 2 years old was yelling at the top of his lungs. Not a cry, as if he was in pain, or even sad. A yell, like "EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" and occasionally "AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUHHHHH", the kind of yell that the child is well aware is the most annoying sound they can possibly make, the kind that makes even a calm and reasonable adult want to find the kid and strangle him while assuring him that if he was *my* kid there's no way he'd get anything at all, probably for the next 5 years if he didn't shut up. (I didn't go looking for him for that very reason) This yell was obviously well practiced as a means of getting the parents to give him what he wanted, as it was sporadic enough to indicate he was keeping an eye on whether or not he was going to get what he wanted... or else he was getting what he wanted, but wanted something else at sporadic intervals throughout the store.


Then in another store a few days ago, I walked past a child of about 4 or 5 sitting in the shopping cart who was repeating over and over "I *want* it. I *want* it. I *want* it." times about a thousand. I don't know how long the kid had been begging, but again obviously a practiced techique as it was rapid fire, and she didn't seem to even be stopping to catch her breath, becoming more and more insistent. At least this one was relatively quiet compared to the yeller.

Today as I was out and about, a child who was whining about wanting out of his stroller was told by his mom "I think you should continue to ride" about 2 seconds before she let the child out of his stroller (presumably to run around uncontrollably).

What in the world is going on here? Who's in charge anyway? It's beginning to look to me like the 2 year olds are in charge.... so if you think the customers you have *now* are bad, just wait until this generation of kids who always get their own way grows up and becomes your customers...

You are correct about that particular computer support incident, Lady Scott. The caller, who was male, had disputed the deskside tech's findings not even paying attention when she attempted to show that the free disk space was depleted. He obviously had some gender authority issues.

Fortunately, the phone support tech was male and insistant on getting the information. With two people overruling the caller, even if one was female, he started to get a clue that he might be incorrect in his assessment of the situation.

The other issue is that deskside techs did not clean disks for the callers because that was a personal issue. The tech would have no idea what could be discarded and didn't have the time to consult the caller on each file. Typically then it was up to the caller to clean his disk once tech support had determined what the problem was.

Another interesting insight comes out of this particular incident. Just because someone is a programmer doesn't mean he knows how to competently operate a computer.

Regarding the child care issue, for quite awhile now I've had the impression in many public venues that I was dealing with four year olds. Those are two years old who, in addition to wanting everything, also know everything, except how to get what they want by working for a living.