h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Like Blair with his "A day like today is not a day for soundbites, really. But I feel the hand of history upon our shoulders."

Those little clementines that are impossible to peel.
Getting orange bits on your jumper at the beginning of the day (you never do this sort of thing five minutes before going home do you? Always first thing in the morning...)

The woolly-brained feeling when you haven't done something for a while that you are expert at, and when you do it again you can't remember the basics

People who don't cut you any slack when you are in a legitimately bad mood. Especially when said people are the reason for your bad mood



I should really quit the cinema, all my hates lately have been from that place

I have said before in another thread that i'm one of those people who doesn't smile very much and finds it hard to smile on demand. So I constantly hear:

'smile it might never happen'

'you're in a bad mood -snap out of it'

Or people going 'what?''what?' every five seconds just because you haven't spoken recently. Hey, I have lots of fun places I can go in my mind when the company is dull, what makes you think I am going to tell you about them, just watch the damn film.

People who (after sitting in a 20 minute traffic jam on a bus) decide that they want the next stop just after the bus starts moving again. If you got off the bus as soon as you saw the traffic building up you'd be there by now.!

Also people who think it's ok to park half-on half-off the pavement with their hazard lights flashing.

Yeah

and drivers with the mentality 'there are rules of the road that apply to everyone else but not me'.

And indeed those who seem to have forgotten the bits of the Highway Code which relate to pedestrians.

christmas shopping and all the cr@p that it creates... queues at check outs because the person in front of you is scanning everything like a hawk and then arguing the toss over a pack of cards that they picked up somewhere that cost £5 instead of £4,99. ITS A PENNY... GET OVER IT OR OFF!!!!
Kids running around stores screaming about all the things they want! Or kids screaming in stores in general. If you have a severed limb, by all means scream, if you cant have the latest computer, game or toy, get over it!
Carol singers/trick or treaters that make no effort and think knocking on your door and saying "gimme money" qualifies as carol singing/trick or treating.

This one will cause some upset but the temple across the road from me which upsets traffic flow by coning off the street, has various religious festivals which involve millions of people descending to the area and most of them climbing on my property, coming into my garden and trying to play on the motor bike and leaving their litter in my garden and then when we fly a st georges cross or union jack during the football, phoning the police to complain that we are disrespecting their religious beliefs and resulting in us having to remove said flag! It wouldn't be quite so bad if they didn't have their flag flying 365 days a year!!!

green crisps or chips

steve irwin

people who do the most unbelievably stupid things, like jump of a three storey building and then complain when they break their legs!

spiders... they dont really need that many legs!

the lombard direct advert and now those adverts that had michael winner in them, y'know that "'Ello mum" rubbish.

pensioners who are losing their hearing and blame you for not speaking clearly despite your yelling as clearly as possible. These pensioners can't hear that, but say something mean or swear under your breath and they'll hear alright!!

people who only do half a job then call you lazy!

pringles tubes, they hide until you stand up then suddenly they're under your feet and you are on your ar$e.

..... whoa, ok, ranted enough, will return to under the rock from whence I came......

That was a very good rant and I'm sure you felt a lot better for it.

On a festive note, People who constantly ask what you want for christmas, get snotty when you don't know and yet refuse to give you any clues as to what they want.

I find it mildly annoying that my wife always says "I don't know" or "there isn't anything I really want" then drops less-than-subtle hints about something she saw in the shops the other day. (If my wife reads this: I love you really)

One of my major annoyances is the way teenagers speak at the moment. A couple of real-life examples:
"Awww, man... it's Crimbo innit? Town's gonna be pure packed."
"I'm well firsty, so I is gonna get some war'ahh."
And in an interview with some boyband/rap group (can't remember their name) the 'band' were asked "why do you think you're so popular with the ladies?" to which they responded "I fink it's cuz we is ten mans."

indeed that is really irritating my bro goes to scool still and he picks up all the latest chore sayings

"thats pure shocking"

"thats pure weapon"

"well ayyyyye"

"thats shan"

etc etc etc

it really irritates me

"That's pure weapon"

yeah ha as far as i have deciphered it means "good"


if you want we can make a seperate thread for this theres millions i live in the chore and smackhead (think thy called chavs everywere else) capital of the northeast, i could compile a dictionary lol

Girls Aloud's remake of I'll Stand By You by The Pretenders.

Please tell me you're joking. That sounds hideous.

How about a general petty hate of pointless cheesy remakes, both in music and film.
Psyco, anyone.

I hate small talk.Make pithy off the cuff remarks I say even if your stuck at a rainy busstop with the most simpleminded of coves.

I meant 'you're' of course. Because I hate bad spelling and incorrect grammar.no i reaaly hate it.

Whos starting the kingdom of chav thread? Sign me up!!

weres this kingdom of chav?

My brother still speaks like that despite being in the army! He came in from shopping the other day and said "I saw some phat kit but it was way crammin and now I'm hanging man!"
Colour me confused!!! What I think he meant was it was really busy in the shops but there were some good things available and he was tired when he got back. Any clues anyone?

The one thats currently bugging me is, 'thats pure gay'. In any definition of the word gay, I'm failing to see how it applies to anything he says it about. I think it's meant to mean bad??
I cant believe at 24, Im suddenly so old! Maybe its just because I use vaguely sensible english?!