h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Pseudo-cockney TV chefs who can't come out with cockney lingo when they haven't got a script.

Close ups of babies' bottoms on TV ads.

People who let very young children answer the phone. I'm sure this is all very cutesy when their friends call, but if you're calling them on business it's a pain in the a***.

People in search of boogers next to me in the tramway.

~kat~

Insects that invade house-space and build nests, and yet fail to pay rent.

I also deeply resent wasps for being evil multiple sting Bas**ards, and not making honey.

Ants that decide to make a home in my bathtub faucet.

One or two of mine have already been mention. Great minds think alike!! People who leave paperclips on paperwork after something has been filed.

That's mine for now.

I know I'm going to make myself out as a winger since this will be the third or fourth time I have posted, each time leaving several points of winge but I don't care. It's very theraputic, so here goes...

Smokers. Just smokers. They stink, give other people cancer just by being in proximity, and make Glasgow smell like an ashtray.

Not being able to phone PC World direct and having to talk to callcentre staff who don't know what their talking about...been down that road, must not go again.

Not being able to argue and crying instead. I don't know why I do it. It's a physical thing. And over everything, I am such a crybaby.

Not finding socks to wear, despite buying several pairs a month (and washing them).

I hate when you start to argue with someone, and they start being all polite and agreeing with you. I mean, you get yourself all revved up for a good yelling match, and you prepare all sorts of points that help your case, and then they just go and tell you you're right. It's like winning a tournament because the second-place team dropped out, or swinging your fist and finding there's nothing to hit.

Alternatively when you start arguing someone, and they are so convinced they're right (because of other equally contentious beliefs or 'facts' they know) that everything you say is replied to with a condescending, dogmatic and self-important answer.

Especially when it's "not worth their time" to provide those facts. It's laughably obvious; if you don't already know that they're right, you're clearly the worst sort of idiot (I know someone like that).

The fact that so many roads in England don't have road signs. If you're in a strange town and you're using a map it's hopeless. It's so frustrating to think you're coming up to a key turning and then find that there's no road sign.

Big Issue sellers who burn holes in you as you walk past.

What, with actual lighters?

Maybe that's a very English term. I mean they stare at you with their eyes.

In my town we have big issue sellers (and generally any kind of homeless person) who do mock humbleness. When you say no 'I don't want a big issue' They will say, 'Oh, ok then, sorry for askin', take care now, have a nice weekend, watch yourself...(so on and so forth.)

This is done by ALL the big issue sellers in Glasgow. And all the beggers asking for money. I alway tell them to 'wrap up warm, ensure you get enough hot drinks, eat well enough..(so on and so forth.)'

I've only ever been chibbed once (kidding, kidding, never actually been hit once).

Why is it, when you use TCP, people who come anywhere near you feel obliged to say 'I can smell TCP' ?

Oh, I'm English, just hadn't heard that one before. Suspected, wasn't sure.

People who turn a question into a statement or order, eg. 'You will wash up, wont you!!!'

phoning any company wil an automated answering system. 'Press 1 for account info, press 2 for billing rep, press 3 to be plunged into a telephonic abyss' then when you find the number relevant to why you're calling they put you on hold then pass you round 4 other people, all of whom you have to explain the reason for your call only to be passed onto someone new!

The martial status sections of paperwork. Why is there never a 'with partner' box? Im not married, single, divorced, widowed or separated!

my brother.

cleaning, especilly when someone is walking along behind you making mess in/on the area you just cleaned!

kids who scream like they're being attacked for no apparent reason at all.

Jehovahs witnesses. I dont push my beliefs on anyone else, what gives them the right to insist I need saving! If I'm drowning or in a fire, then I need saving!!

the elephant car insurance ads.

the lombard direct advert

people who say they will do a job then stand around and watch while you do all the work and say to their friends, look at what Ive done with the garden/kitchen etc and claim you've done nothing!

Hypocrites

people telling me I'm stupid because my opinion doesnt match theirs. Also my family telling me I know nothing but as soon as something breaks Im the first one they call!

Ok, I've moaned on far too long! I think I think about this too much!

Leaving now
Will

old people who suddenly stop in the middle of the pavement for no apparent reason, especially if they have those awful tartan trolleys, which i invariably bump into.


big umbrellas

those sponge things in post offices that are always bone dry