h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hmmmm, Ireland and the Irish? http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/F2264198?thread=4414317 post 20 "An interesting week. The highlight was when I was trying to find a rural address near Westport. It wasn't on my map and the sat-nav didn't have a clue so I stopped at a small roadside garage in the middle of nowhere. I went inside and found two old men and an old woman. Despite the heat of the day, the men were wearing thick tweed jackets and flatcaps whilst the old woman wore a dress of indeterminate age covered by a t-shirt bearing the legend "I might". I asked if they could help me find the address. Have you ever seen "Snatch"? Do you know the character played by Brad Pitt? You know the indecipherable accent he used in that film? Imagine that, in triplicate. All 3 launched into a babble that I just could not make out. Worse, it was spoken at about 100mph by three people who had less teeth between them than I have points on my driving license. At the end of about two minutes of bewildering noise that sounded like 3 terriers gargling frogs, one guy pointed North, the other pointed South and the woman just shrugged. Seeing my bewilderment, the woman asked if I had a name I was looking for, so I told her the name of the customer. This brought another two minutes or so of whooping and gargling as the three of them argued about who it might be, before a concensus was reached. This time, all three pointed North and the woman told me to drive about four miles "...until you come to Dan O'Shaugnessy's place" (Not his real name, but it was equally as Irish) "Now you'll know Dan's place because it's the biggest house there." "Ah but", interjected one of the men, "there's a lot of big houses there" "Yes but, everybody knows Dan's house. It's on the left and it's white. You go past Dan's and the place you want is the third cottage" With this, I set off. A few miles up the road I slowed down and checked every house I passed. They were all white, all on the left and all big. Finally I found the cottage I was looking for. It was bright pink, a point that no-one at the garage had thought to mention. Every other house I had passed was white. "

my mum's from Derry, I grew up with that accent. And *I* need an interpreter to understand her.

A friend and I had a similar Irish experience near the cliffs of Moher. We stayed at a guest house and the landlady was Mrs Doyle *to a tee*. She *was* Mrs Doyle (from Father Ted). This person was either the inspiration or she was imitating her!

There are a lot of Mrs Doyles in Ireland as soon as you get out of the cities. They thrust tea upon you whether you want it or not because they think it would be rude not to!

PH: Disposable barbecues leaving burn marks on tables. It's got to the stage where they put a special metal plate on picnic tables for disposable BBQ's. And what do the idiots do? Put the picnic hamper on the metal plate and turn the other side of the table to charcoal.

Huh?

KB, we've burnt our table to cinders cos of those...

ph? scam emails. i called the number in one, withholding my own thinking it wouldn't pick up. i was wholly surprised when it did and put the phone down. i'm suprised they would use a number someone will pick up!

Our ice cream comes in plastic 1 litre containers which are very useful for storing and freezing things in. The only problem is they have a ridge around the edge which gathers water when they are upturned in the dishwasher and which splatters all over the clean dishes when you take them out and turn them over.



How's that for petty?

We use them for nuts and bolts in the motor workshop. No regular washing needed, problem solved.

PH: a paper cut on your tongue when wetting an envelope leaf

Really not nice!

I don't think I have any hates (petty or otherwise). Certainly there
are things I would avoid for self-preservation purposes, and things
I would stop if I were able to, but I don't think "hate" comes into
it.

Signs of a person who can't walk properly - in flip flops or out. I live perhaps 9 months a year in flip-flops and never 'flip', nor 'flop' in them. They're not like normal shoes, there is a knack of a toe curl on lifting your heel which many people can't get but it stops all floppy noises. Your DPH are called 'scuffers' round these here parts and is a term used for lazy-assed tourists who can't pick up their feet! Doubt they can in normal shoes either.

>>Doubt they can in normal shoes either<<
Deakie, they can´t. And most of them never got around to learning the words "please" or "thank you".

This heat. Need I say more?

It varies between unbearably hot & humid and downpours & thunderstorms.

My own crap singing voice. I know exactly the sound I want to make and I can hear it in my head, but my voice box doesn't follow through!

Merged cells in spreadsheets

It's funny the way everybody has a signature style of doing spreadsheets, almost like a fingerprint. But trying to collate one mega workbook full of 20 different styles is a nightmare! And merged cells just make it so so hard to select one row or column to apply an action to.

I hate it when you type a number into a spreadsheet - 50286, say - and it assumes you must be entering a date, so displays 03 September 2037.

Icy - try to swap four columns of numbers into cel and find out why the result is your greataunt´s birthday.

"DPH (Double Petty Hate): the sound flipflops make when worn by people who drag their feet when they walk.>"

Oh yes. Just, yes.

My head will explode after a few hours of listening to this, no matter who the antagonist is.

KB, I know what you mean about singing. I have the same problem, and a similar one with drawing that annoys me even more. I know the picture I want to draw, I can see it in my mind. What ends up on paper would do little credit to a 5-year-old.

KB, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssss, me too. My voice isn&#39;t what I want it to be whatsoever.

PH: expense. My god, why are things so expensive? Also a PH: waking up at 2 and 3pm. What the hell is wrong with me?

The fat that fewr and fewwer of the keys on y kyboard re working inluding the bakspae key and the oa and fullstops it is now ipossible for e to type a oherent essagfe