h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*beats Xanatic with his own shoe*

Leverage when not used in relation to levers.

I'm so pleased to have read this thread and realised that everybody is as annoyed by all this nonsensical jargon as I am! All the best ones are here - still, there's one left, which I detest: 'Pushing the envelope.' Lordy - what?! It conveys nothing!

Lenny - you *must* have worked in new media at some point!

"Have a nice day" - when used gratuitously by shop assistants/bus drivers/everyone in large US cities, I know they don't mean it so why say it. I can't remember who it was who is reputed to have retorted when this was said to them by the hotel receptionist "Why? I was rather looking forward to having a terrible day!"

Telesales people using my christian name when I do not know them.

Groovy Baby, yeah!

My usual response to "Hava a nice day!" is "Sorry, I've made other plans..."

(Hava = Have )

"Six of one and half a dozen of the other"

"Don't run before you can walk"

"Don't worry it might never happen" - The next person (usually a complete stranger) who says that to me is dead.

"Don't worry things can't get any worse!!" - At which point they ALWAYS do!!!!

I hate to be told to "Cheer up". Just because I'm not wearing a big grin, it doesn't mean I'm miserable or depressed.

I would like to add---

Know what I mean?
Dah Bomb!
and the word very when it is used more than once in a sentence.
for example, I am Very very sorry that my vocabulary is so thin.

Waaassssssuuuppppp!!!!

I don't like "Cheer up" because if you are depressed, you can't really do it can you? If you're in a miserable mood and somebody goes cheer up, do they expect you never considered that? That you go, "Oh right, never thought about that. I'm suddenly in a good mood now" Unless you have a reason to, how can you cheer up?

Xanatic

It always ruins a perfectly nice day when the secretary working at the reception in our office welcomes me with "Hallöchen", which is quite similar to Ned Flanders' "Okilidokily" (if anybody likes the Simpsons, too). Could be a reason to quit the job...

I must confess no, but I work alongside new media types in a US owned company. I love collecting the jargon: its full of nothing!

On a slightly different note, I dislike it when people ought to say 'Okey Dokey' but actually say 'hokey Kokey'. Everyone knows that one is a dance and the other is just silly.....

Talking of "Have a nice day" (somewhere back there...) when I was in California last we went into a Vons supermarket and when we got to the checkout let our friends (Brits who have lived out there for 7 years) go first in the queue. We then heard this exchange...

Checkout Girl> Hi folks! And how are you doin' today?

Friend> Good thanks! How are you doin?

Checkout Girl> I'm good too thanks! Now lets see... (checks shopping through...)

Friend> (pays for shopping and says) Thanks alot. Bye bye!

Checkout Girl> Well goodbye now and you have a really good day. Thanks for shopping!

It is then our turn...

Checkout Girl> Hi folks! And how are you doin' today?

Us> Huh? OK.

Checkout Girl> I'm good too thanks! Now lets see... (checks shopping through...)

She wasn't a robot - honest!!

What I really dislike is the tone of some reporters on tv. Especialy the way they say "John Q, BBC news, Kentucky" Always in exactly the same way, talk about robots...

a owner say "it does not bite",

why I am more than 3 biten by s that never bites.

For additional goods and services press 1, for information about your bill press 2, to change your details press 3, to enter a maze of further options press 4, to speak to a real live human being press head against wall and bang repeatedly, to hear those options again press 9.

'Please tick here if you do not wish us to share your details with a raft of other companies that will harass you until you draw your last breath with offers, catalogues and other spam. Please note that if you have ordered from us in the past you must order somthing else now and tick this box if you do not want these details shared in such a way. If we don't hear from you, we'll assume everything is hunky-dorey and see how much we can get for your personal details on e-bay. Nothing short of the threat of court action will halt the tide of bigle you will receive from us.'

Well, I exaggerate slightly.