h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was thinking of writing a co-operative guide about sex before marriage, with religious perspectives and personal perspectives from researchers. So I'm asking everybody - Please tell me about any religious views on sex and sex before marriage, and please tell me your personal views. Could I aslo ask that you please tell me your religion - whether you are a Christian, Athiest, Muslim etc so that when i put the entry together i'll be able to set things out in a particular way - and also so that i the entry can reflect how people's beliefs affect their views on issues like this.

Please help me with this entry tell me your religious and personal views.

Thank you!

spook

Religion: lapsed pagan, occasional discordian.

Sex before marriage: Yes. Absolutely. I'm not married, but I do intend to be, and with my current partner too.

I admit, I find those people who want to be virgins on their wedding night a little odd, but nevertheless applaud the stance they are taking.

Old Joke: Not if it holds up the ceremony.

As a realist and humanist, I find it somewhat bewildering that people still practive the pagan rite of marriage that was hijacked by organised religeon when the (usually unmarried) highups in the church spotted a money-making and controlling opportunity.

Yes, of course it is ok (very lapsed catholic, current agnostic - can't prove it to myself one way or another so am sitting on the fence, anti organised religion in any form).

I think there are lots of issues that have been rolled together here. I am sure the ruling had something to do with the church spotting something that they didn't control and stepping in.

I am equally convinced that long, long ago when life expectancy was much much shorter and brides were desirable for their health and child rearing ability, they were very young when wed. Sex before that would literally have been with a physical child.

Birth control (should) mean that sex does not equal babies therefore there is no need to wait until you achieve a state where you will be taken care of should you fall pregnant. And men no longer need a virgin bride to ensure that offspring are his (although that is all much more complicated, I have seen Ricky Lake's show ).

I have observed that friends who were exponents of 'No Sex Before Marriage' all got married young. Were they just luckier in finding The One sooner than the rest of us? I am not so sure. I believe in marriage (a great excuse for a fab frock, a big party, and seeing all of your mates again, as well as pledging a lasting committment to somebody you love) but am approaching 30 fast. I can't imagine what kind of a wreck I would be if I still had all that unsatisfied teenage lust washing about!

Hope that helps, it is too late to go probing my brain to see if there is any more up there, maybe I will come back tomorrow...!

k

Religion - none, although I wouldn't say that I don't believe in anything spiritual, just don't agree with the majority of organised religions...
Sex before marriage: I can't see any way that this can be wrong, as long as each person in the relationship takes precautions and they are open with one another (no pun intended). I believe that sexual and sensual pleasure is one important aspect of a 'sexual relationship' - only used that term cos 'relationship' can be between friends, parents & children etc., and i meant the other sort - as marriage is generally thought of as a very long term commitment, I have always wondered how people can truly know whether they will be happy and fulfilled in this important part of their lives together if they have never had sex.
I know that sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it does account for quite a lot; feeling your partner is attracted to you, being as close as you can get physically - combining this with the spiritual and mental. For me (and probably many other people), sex is more than a physical 'activity' or way of relieving desires.

religions -- raised protestant, currently an unorthodox catholic.

sex before marriage -- depends.

No way would I be willing to say that all sex before marriage is bad -- that worked in the days of early marriages and no birth control and STD protection, but doesn't make nearly as much sense now. And even if I believed that sex before marriage wasn't right for me, I can't imagine somehow declaring that it was always bad, for all people, in all situations -- I have enough problems making my own decisions, far be it from me to start making decisions for other people.
On the other hand, people quite commonly get hurt -- both physically and emotionally -- by rushing into sex too soon, or unprepared, or with the wrong person, or at the wrong time.

However, defining "all sex before marriage" as bad, and "all sex after marriage" as good doesn't solve this problem. People can be hurt through sex during a marriage just as well as they can before one. On the other hand, I'd probably guess that such hurts would be less likely in a marriage where both people are "fully married" -- mentally/emotionally/spiritually as well as legally.

mikey

I'm jewish, not verry religious though.

I'll start with Judaism and continue with my own views afterward:

Judaism:
It is against the jewish rules to "spill sperm in vein" (belive it or not, this is a literal translation from hebrew from the bible), this means that masturbation, condoms, pills, going out befor you finish etc. are all "illegal" in judaism. The rule is a bit outdated, but as meny outdated rules in judaism, it still stands (supposedly).

As for sex, I need to check, but I think that if you have sex with a woman youre supposed to immidiately have certain responsability for her or something.
I will check for you.

Prostitution is mentioned in the bible though, so I guess this is a bit more complicated and I will have to check for you (most things are overcomplicated by the jewish religion).


Dancer

Dancer (Itai):
Male, Jewish, none religious, unmarried, blue eyes ...
I think that once a child is old enough to belive that he or she wants to have sex, they should be able to do it. I didn't feel ready till I was 17, but I know children who want to have sex at 14 already, and I think they should be able to (they do what they want anyway though...).

Merrige used to be about sex as well as commitment. I think it is verry good that the 2 were seperated, as most of us are ready for commitment only much much later then we are ready for (and desire) sex.


Dancer

Raised Christian (no particular variety), became agnostic, tending towards atheist.

I have no 'religious' views on sex before marriage. Even as a teenager, when I was still somewhat religious, I believed that sex before marriage is OK, as long as you love the person you're doing it with. Part of me is still unhappy with the idea of 'one-night stands', although that is more from the health viewpoint than the moral viewpoint. As long as the couple are using a condom, it should be OK. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't, and the cases of STD of all kinds are going up. This is not a good thing.

Right from when I was old enough to understand about it, it annoyed me that the 'no sex before marriage' was more rigorously applied to women than to men. OK, with a woman it was more obvious if she became pregnant. Until Victorian times, though, a man who slept around was never thought badly of in the same way that a woman was.

Sex has always been mostly for pleasure. Now that we have contraceptives that work, we can make full use of this without worrying about unwanted children. So, sex before marriage is fine by me.

I was born into Judaism (but the bacon was too much of a lure to keep me there) so am now a lapsed Jew with no regard for religion as such.

I have noticed that 100% of the replies you have had so far are saying pretty much the same thing about their religion - I wonder if there is some significance to that?

As for sex before marriage, my views are this. Yes. Definitely. These days it is so easy to walk away from a marriage. If there is no sexual compatibility after the wedding then there goes another marriage to add to the statistics. It's simple really - try before you buy!!!

Learning about sex and how to enjoy it is part of life's natural pattern. As long as the individual feels ready then they should do it. For some people that can be as young as the early teenage years (after all - we all get those urges naturally when puberty hits) and for others they might not be ready until their late adolescence when they meet someone they really love. To be told by a religion that you must not satisfy your body's natural urges/needs is wrong.

I myself was not ready until my early 20's. I fell in love and decided that it was the right thing to do at the time. It turned out that we were not compatible in the bedroom. Had I waited until we got married (which I thought we might do) we would never had known and the statistics would have risen by one more.

Note to Looneytunes, pagan wedding rites are very varied. Traditionally you could marry for a year and a day, and then walk away or renew it, or make it for life.

I'm primarily pagan
pagan rite until the end of time.

I also follow buddhism as an 'interest', they do not require ceremonies. If you want to be with someone, then you do not require anyone to sanction that. Buddhism is quite cool, in that they realise their practitioners have a brain. This is the Western Buddhist Order, not entirely sure of India etc.

By the way, the best man in Christian rite, was originally there to hold the bride down. The bride was owned by the father and then ownership was past to the groom. This is why the bride has no speech to make, as goods don't need to make speeches. Each to their own, but I do find the idea of anyone practising the other, a bit worrying, as that must mean you agree with it?

Forgot to say, paganism is also one of those who realises their practitioners have a brain. We can make our own minds up. Afterall at Beltane we are meant to shag in the fields to transfer our fertility to the grain, and yes some of us still continue this!

Religion, eh? I would describe myself as an athiest, but I am baptised and confirmed Catholic. I think that Christianity still affects me in terms of morality - but more in the way of 'Judge not...' and 'Do unto others...' rather than the brimstone and hellfire morality usually equated with the Catholic church.

If you're comfortable with it, and want it, then I say go for it. It's as simple as that - well, be careful as well

Here's a little fact for you: with marriage becoming increasingly unpopular, so is spousal murder. There is a correlation (however, a correlation is not a proof) between the murder rate and the popularity of marriage. One theory for this is that with a marriage, people feel more "locked in" and unable to leave their spouse, even in violent or desperately unhappy situations. I reckon (and here I'm drifting into conjecture) that there must be a link between more sexual freedom, and less unhappy marriages.

Despite the fact that my parents and their siblings do not seem to be able to stay married, I don't have a problem with marriage as an institution. I think that it is kind of nice to stand up and commit to one person and then get all your mates and family round for a big drink up. However, I am very certain that I will not get married unless I am 100% sure that my future spouse is the one for me amd that they are taking the thing as seriously as I am.

As for sex before marriage, it is a personal choice. I didn't wait, but I have regrets about the manner in which I lost my virginity. But hey! S**t happens. But I would never judge anyone who wanted to wait... that is there decision and nothing to do with me.

I am very intolerant of intolerant people. I do believe in a divine spirit, but not in organised religion or in a traditional sense.

Actually I am a polytheist. I am not taking any chances of being turned away from the Pearly Gates!

I am an atheist(Raise your hand if you didn't know that ) and this is my take on sex before marriage.

Back in old days it was something different. If a woman had sex there was a chance she'd become pregnant. In that case you needed somebody to provide for the child. And some one night stand was not likely to want to do that. So it was best to have sex with somebody who had first proven they were ready for a commitment.
Withdrawal and such stuff also wasn't an option. They of course believed the sperm was like the seed you put in the ground. So you would be killing something if you did it.
Maybe STD also had something to do with it, but I don't know.

Nowadays it is different. You can be pretty sure you will not get pregnant, so no reason to only have sex with someone ready to be a father. We know a bit more about the whole sexual reproduction system and such now. And we are able to quite easily avoid STD if we want to.

I do respect people who decide not to have sex untill they are married, but it is true it does seem they tend to marry young. Personally I wouldn't do it, as marriage is not some definite today. I don't want to save myself for the next 10 years, have sex on my wedding night and then get divorced 2 years after. Also the try before you buy thing makes sense.

But I could imagine it would feel a bit like receiving used goods.

Kaz, I've heard the Best Man is there to prevent the bride being stolen away by some other clan. Which is why he should stand on the right side of the groom so he has his sword hand free. But I don't know how true that is.

I'm a practising Catholic, and I doubt you'll find anyone beyond a few fanatics who will still insist on this rule. I think that it's still preferred officially, but if you went to a priest and tried to confess to it as a sin, he'd probably try to convince you that it isn't a problem before absolving you.
Admittedly, the issue hasn't become a matter of urgency for me yet, but that's got nothing to do with my religion.

heh heh...

well, im a protestant christian, and i believe in no sex before marriage.

there is the obvious reason of the bible says so... which i know doesnt fly to well with some... but hey, i honor the word of God because i love God. a thousand appologies if thats not cool.

the other reason is i believe that sex is more than a physical act (which many of you do as well), but its also something that i really dont want to share with someone that i am not totally, 100% committed to (and vice versa). as has been said before, sex can also be pretty destructive in a non-commited relationship...

and people who wait to have sex until marriage do get married way earlier than those who dont... is that a bad thing? i cant really say i guess. seems like marriage is going to be an eye opener no matter how old you are when it happens!

I'm an agnostic semi-buddhist, never had any guilt or fear of sex inspired by family or religion, thank God.

If I ever do get married I'd expect it to be a mutual and permanent committment to having found a partner to share the rest of our lives with. As I have no intention of ever having children, I have no pressure to get married any time soon.

By the time I was 15 years old I was well on my way towards researching the mysteries of sex in pretty nearly all of its forms, and by the time I was 25 I'd 'researched' enough to feel quite sure that random sexual behavior was not something I'd be drawn to again. It's been an odd way of coming to the decision that monogamy would be the right choice for me, with no regrets. I'm hoping that whenever I do meet the man I want to marry, that he'll have followed a similar path to mine. Of course, it's definitely not something I'd recommend for everyone.

Xanatic, maybe he did both! Busy man

no beliefs





well, there's sex and the there's SEX.

there's relationships, committed relationships and COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS

just like there are acquaintences, friends and BEST-MATES

just like there is that cool programme you whatch if you are in when it comes on, and the ther is BUFFY SEASON 5 FINALE.

just like there is french stick form the supermarket and FRESHLY BAKED HOME MADE BREAD

none of them are wrong, none of them are 100% reliable, they are jsut different.

I truely belief that very long term committments/companionships both exist and are right for some people. Just like for others it would never work who ever they met.

the sooner people admit we are all different and need differnt things at different times in our live the happier a hell of a lot of people would be.

I am intregued by the fact that most people here seem to think the same things about an issue as possibly contreversial as this. h2g2 is a nice place to be if this is simply not seen as a contreversial issue. whats that thing wicca/pagan whatever religions say 'do as ye will and ye harm none?'



sex before marriage.....yeah, if you want. marriage,..... yeah if you want. or not, if you want.

there are always twits about who give sensible people a bad name (my high shcool year group to name but 200). most people seem happy to go through life, make a few mistakes, do what feels right at the time and deal if they can. ignore the media, do what you like, ignore me i've started a meaningless rant

bye

FABT