h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yeah. My eldest's like that. Thinks he's the best in the world and if he doesn't win things he insists all the judges/teachers/employers/whatever were against him.

Win some,lose some.Then your children will see that the will to win is as important as how you win or lose.Don't make a big deal of losing and don't overpraise a child when they do win.They need to learn that if/when they lose it's no big deal but if they win they must be charitible and charming.They need to learn that the games the thing not only the outcome.So win some,lose some but never look as if you are not trying.Refuse to continue playing with someone if they are cross at losing and show it.Reinforce the idea that playing well is important but that behaving well is better.However don't condone cheating as this will do a child no favours.
My son loves to play chess with his father mainly because his father is prepared to stop the game and show him how he might play a move another way.Sometimes he wins,sometimes he loses.He is lousy at sport but doesn't mind as he knows that we are all individuals and that he is better at other things.I think that if a child always wins then they never learn to deal with disappointment when they finally meet their match.

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The answer is in the question should you beat your children? Yes. Thrash them to within an inch of their lives if they have the audacity to challenge the supiriority of their elders and betters in a game of skill. To get the lesson accross properly you should let them win and then beat them. That will teach them a thing or two about life.

The main question is, what effect does letting a child win have on his self-confidence.

When it comes to the bottom line, self-confidence is all you need in this world. So do all that is necessary to boost it. However, being untrue to yourself and just letting the kid win is definitely not a good idea either, so we have to look for a compromise. If your younger kids were diabetic instead of dyslexic, No. 1 would damn well have to learn how to deal with eventualities. If he didn't know what to do, it could be a matter of life and death. So, how about involving him in the dyslexia, instead of letting him stand off and watch.

How about this one? Explain to him (he's what, 16; 18, 20?) that he needs to be patient and ask him (bribe him if necessary) to sit and read, go through homework or play chess with one of his siblings. Sounds like he needs to learn a little humility, patience, compassion and sympathy. If the activities don't quite work out, he will be talking to his brothers and learning that they have much to offer and are individuals and have their own form of intelligence.

This will also have the advantage of sharing the load, giving you more time for the other siblings or for getting on with other things. It may also prevent too much animosity arising between the siblings, reduce Mr No. 1's arrogance and make him an all round better person. It is very very difficult for someone who is naturally good at something to pass on the skill to others, but he may learn from that.

Apart from self-confidence, the other thing that is absolutely indispensible in this life is having insight into other people's ways of thinking, their opinions, their motivation - so perhaps he will benefit in this way too.

At our chess club, which my eldest is still active in, they used to have a brilliant chess player. This kid was, however, also quite a gifted teacher. Sometimes he would play one of the little ones, and win, but, with a laugh, just before making the final move, would turn the board around for the little one to have the satisfaction of check mating (provided he could figure out what the move was!!!)

I can think of three solutions:

1) Play with a handicap, e.g., if you're playing chess, you start minus the queen or your rooks, that sort of thing. There's no shame in this, since you've got years more experience than they do and that's not fair, either. As they get better, gradually lessen the handicap.

2) Play games with an element of chance. The random element means they are bound to win from time to time.

3) Play cooperative games, e.g., make the object of Scrabble to use up every tile, one way or another, rather than playing for points, and keep all tiles face up so you can offer one another suggestions.

Best of luck,

Indigo S.

Gosh - Indigo - you're back after a long break since 2001 - as far as I can tell from your space.

This conversation is rather old - it was odd to see it revived and appearing way up on my conversations list.

Welcome back. Your suggestions indicate that you are in education in some way?

well the laws are changed , being a kid in the 70s when the belt was still at the school and you gave cheek to a adult they could kick your butt , i think adults got more respect back then . nowadays kids no they cant be touched they are more wild cheek than we were . todays age is a joke to be honest

I'll second that. In today's liberal society a kid has no fear of sanctions or punishments (and a lot of parents are too weak-willed to stick by them anyway, but that's a different story), and so they come to school and behave as they damn please.

B

Gosh! Thanks for bumping this Indigo - there were several posts from November 2001 I hadn't seen.

It's all academic now. I couldn't possibly beat my children in any way shape or form. The 14 year old's 5'11" and even the 13 year old's taller than me - and I haven't been able to beat either of them at chess for well over a year (Mind you the 13 year old has even been beating the teacher that runs the chess club).

Hmm... where did I put that Scrabble set

With your spelling Tef SCRABBLE should be fun.

I do hope my 14 year old never decides to behave as he damn pleases Master B. I tried to shake him today. Then I braced myself and tried to push him....

In the end I told him to stay where he was while I fetched a chair so I could reach to slap him round the head

at least he's still ticklish

Are you casting nasturtiums on my spelling McKay?

It doesn't work actually. The 13 year old gets far too frustrated. He has an amazing vocabulary but he's just about reached the stage of ALMOST being able to spell. (For instance he can almost remember that one of the "where/wear" words has an h in it and one has an a so he now spells them both "wheare" )

I have problems with playing games against my children, the young one in particular: she's far too intelligent to let me get away with letting her win, but she's not good enough to beat me and get's really cross if she loses.

How old is she?

She's 10.

Make the most of it while you can still hold your own then. I'd give you 2 years at the most.

Yes, about two years until she comes into her superpowers.

Hi, Trillian's Child. No, not a professional educator, just interested in the field so I've done some reading. Also, I'm a secret sore loser (I know it's a character flaw, so I try to be gracious, but inside I can't help seething sometimes and it seems to me these solutions would allow me to play and have fun even if I'm hopelessly outmatched.

Indigo S.