h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I feel that it's unfair not to try to stretch children and patronising to let them win. (Had you going for a minute there, huh? )

The thing is the eldest is very good-looking, personable, articulate, highly intelligent and can immediately shine at anything he wants to (at one point he took up horse-riding and ballet (mutually incompatible) both at the same time and within months both instructors were wanting him to turn professional) and he has been fed with praise of his brilliance and general all-round wonderfullness since birth and has been allowed to mock and despise the rest of us for our (until recently) undiagnosed dyslexia (aka being thick, useless and pathetic) so he is extremely arrogant.

Naturally enough he has always been a very sore loser and one of the things the whingeing whining waster screams into my face every time we come into contact is that I "constantly" "deliberately humiliated" him throughout his childhood by talking to his (younger) siblings about things he couldn't understand and asking them questions he couldn't answer.

Most of them are ultra-intelligent but dyslexic (to varying degrees) so their opportunities for fair competition can be fairly limited - I mean what chance is there for a kid that talked at 8 months, understood General Relativity at 7 (years) but couldn't catch a ball/tie shoelaces (or for that matter SPELL shoelaces ) till secondary school?

Anything with complicated rules has to be explained anew almost every time, card games require good short-term memory, pattern recognition skills and an ability to concentrate and as for chess ("Don't talk to me about" chess ) but play mathematical or word games, or anything purely mental, and they're astounding.

The problem is that one of the littl'uns is only "significantly above average" as opposed to "gifted" and he is also severely dyslexic.

He isn't a bad loser but he has very little confidence.

Should I be letting him win, to build up his confidence, or playing hard to make him think?

(Checkmate DID take half an hour just now and I WAS playing to win )

strike up a balance - dont let them win every time, but do let them win enough for them to stay interested. Nobody likes losing all the time and unless you're really, really tactless about it, they can't tell when you let them win.

I dont think I'm making much sense today

In answer to the original Question,
Only in self defence.

You seem to have some amazing children. If the younger one is as intelligent as you say, I don't think you should let him win. It would give him some confidence if you did, but he would probably figure out quite quickly you were doing it. And then his self-confidence would go down more.

I used to beat my parents at draughts, but my aunt was absolutely merciless and beat me every time (she was an expert huffer). I very quickly figured out that my parents were letting me win. I gave up playing against adults, but had plenty of siblings and friends to play with.

These days, most children have less children around them. Gone are the days when every family had four or five children. So your children may not have the option of playing with other children. You'll have to play against them. If you win every time, they will be discouraged, so you'll have to let them win. Do it very subtly and only occasionally. Eventually they will surprise you by beating you on the games where you were playing to the death.

Of course, in five years time, when they are h2g2 addicts, they can read all this and laugh.

But is he likely to lose interest quickly if he doesn't win?

He doesn't play any sports at all because he knows it isn't worth trying and he gave up three musical instruments.

Incidentally, it's years since the older ones stopped playing chess with me - can anyone remind me of the rules?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A73270

Thanks Gnomon. The main problem was the order in which the back row should be set up - that was there.

The other problem is that the 9 year old says a pawn reaching the other end can be exchanged for one of the pieces that had previously been lost. Is this true or is he thinking of draughts?

(How pathetic is that? I blame the aluminium in the water)

No it's true. He can exchange it to another one.

A pawn that reaches the other side can be converted into any piece except a king, not one that has been lost, but a new one. You can choose knight, castle, bishop or queen. Since a queen can do anything that a bishop or castle can do, people normally choose to make the pawn a queen, but you might want to make it a knight. It is usual to use a castle turned upside down to represent one of these promoted queens if the real queen is still in play.

I gave up tennis when my older son was ten. He has regularly beaten me at Scrabble from about the same time, but I'm convinced he cheats. I agree with the advice above. Let him win at least 70% of the time until he can beat you without help. Are Pictionary and the variation with Playdoh too babyish? Just thought they might help with spatial awareness etc
Start doing something else surreptitiuosly. I have been known to beat the friends and relations at ten pin bowling- once!
Gnomon: I had fewer children than my grandmother, not less (and certainly not 'lesser')

Star, would you like to step outside and repeat that? See you in the BritEng thread!

Perhaps, from the Ethiopian view of the world were children are only lent and not given, you have lessee children?

my grandma was county champion at scrablle so we never beat her it would have been blatantly obvious if she had let us win!

Thank you.
What happens if the castls are both still in play?

My own preference is to let them do well against me, but if they win it has to be on merit. My two are smart enough to spot when I let them win.

My Mum always let me win, with the result that I don't really value her opinion these days if she says that I'm good at something.

Thank you.
What happens if the castles are both still in play?

Oops!

Managed to send that twice - 2 hours apart.

Anyone else having server trouble?

I'm thinking "don't play to win", if you get my drift...as in, don't do your absolute best.

My mom did the same as Dinsdale Piranha's, with the same results. But the first time I beat my dad at chess - when I was 16 - it felt all the better because it had never happened before.

My 11-year-old sister has been allowed to win all her life, and has now turned into the worst loser in existence whom noone wants to play any sort of game with. She'll throw a fit if you don't let her win, and go around bragging about it if you let her...