h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No toys and no peeing in the pool!

*goes into the shallow end and bobs around in the water

*balances pool balls on the tip of his nose, juggling them while clapping his flippers together and yelling 'arp! arp!*

for Trin!

*attempts to feed trim a fish

Arp! Arp!

*gobbles fish*

Arp!

*comes out of the water as her feet and hands are starting to get pruny

Cannonball!!

* Swims to the bottom of the pool and presses the most central tile down, as though it were a button. Lo and behold, it is a button, and a trapdoor opens to an underwater tunnel deep beneath the pool.

* Swims through the passage and at the end, finds the big board of warning signs entitled 'Warnings and Things to Observe whilst using the HHH Swimming Pool'. Sees the trapdoor closing in the corner of eye and so hastily swims back out just as the door snaps shut.

SPLASH!!!

hup!

*shakes himself off*

Right

*walks in and notices horrible odor . Finds door to the filter room and walks in. The filter is completely clogged with white hair and the chlorine tank is empty . thinks - wow, it's a good thing they hired me, its not a surprise no-one uses the pool any more - and begins to fish hair out of the pipes with a snake (a plumbing tool, not the animal).*

*finally finishes with pool and leaves hotel*

Walks in and is stunned by the transformation of the pool! The water is sparkling in an oh so inviting manner - and that rather suspicious odour has gone completely!

Thinks "I'll come back later for a dip".

*rumblerumblerumblerumble*

Hold it right there, Mister, Master, Missis, Miss or Ms!

*Polar bear screeching to a halt*

Shade did not go to all that effort just to have you plunge straight back in and muck it all up again.

*grrrrr*

No backchat - shower first. And wash your paws!

*climbs up highdive, realizes that it's been 25 years since she went off a highdive, panics, climbs down. Takes stairs in to shallow end and floats.

*Watches Hellboundforjoy bob past and waves. Checks watch. Hilary still in showers*

What ARE you doing in there?

*Waves back* perhaps I'll just go take a steam before Hillary ... Ack! There's a polar bear passed out in the steam room! Quick someone! Mouth-to-mouth!

*Minotaur lumbers in from the labyrinth and delivers mouth-to-mouth. Hilary comes round*

*grrrrr*

Minotaur: O. Yeah. Yoo are welcum, powla bare.

*Minotaur lumbers off. At the gate to the pool, he turns and gives a little wave*

*grrrr*

Phew - that was lucky. And if Hellboundforjoy hadn't raise the alarm...

*grrr*

I suspect that when he or she is feeling better, Hilary will bring you a present to say thankyou. I don't think it will spoil the surprise too much to hint that it's very probably going to be a fish.

*grrrr*

Come on, we'd better take you to the vet and get you checked out

Good, and find out what s/he was doing in the steam room. Seemed rather suspicious to me. Glad s/he's OK though. I'll send some as a get well.