h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*back among the audience*

As long as I live I am going to have in my mind's eye an image of Humpty at the end of a bullwhip, being hauled around in the sky by the Extremely Wild Ride...

And Mac, now I AM surprised! I thought you were completely absent from practically the entire panto! I thought Garius was Thistle.

Hey, If I wasn't towing Humpty I'm convinced I could have kicked everyone's tails on the Ride! I'm surprised that I surprised anyone; I thought I'd given it all away when I started cometing about sandwiches in the Atelier while still logged on as Thistle.

Hey, B4, do you still need a shoulder? It's not as soft and cute, but what the heck...

*as Robyn mealds with Caer*

This camera trickery stuff is amazing! I would try it on my holiday dvd, but I suspect the PC would implode at the very thought .

Coely and I did 'fess up about our characters last time we met, as we were talking about all the effort that had gone into the art work and keeping the story line on track. Personally I think the panto should have been broadcasted to a much wider audience.

I did have a few suspicions of who was who (or is that whom?) but nothing more than that and I think a great literary masterpiece has passed right over TPTB's head

Well done everyone!

I had no idea Mac was in the panto - and I thought d'E was Mary and Zeppo the ! Hmmmmm....

Pansy would like to apologise to anyone who might have been offended by her antics. I've had a lot of fun with her but I never expected it to go on so long! RL being so difficult for me over the last few months I nearly had to have Pansy make a dignified exit, but I'm glad I continued and that you were all entertained by her.

Way back when (just after the masked ball) I tentatively suggested the panto as an idea ( F38024?thread=221059&skip=266 ) I never expected it to take off in the way it did. I'm so glad that Lil and Amy worked hard for us all to have fun. All the threads are listed in the correct order on Pansy's page if anyone wants to trawl through them for a plot or story line.

However, sorry Titania, Pansy just wasn't able to make the guest appearance at the Harvest Festival. RL horrors of moving house 3 times in a year and now an impending visit from the school inspectors means I have even less time here than ever.

Really, I thought Pansy was the "purest" example of panto in the whole cast, and she always hit her mark.

Poor Coely, what a disruptive year. At least it sounds as if you'll have some respite after the school inspectors...

*settles in to await the rest of the cast*

1. Thank you kindly Mr. Clintwood.
2. Thank you kindly, Glock, for the product placement fee.
3. Thank you kindly one and all who watched the Panto.

All:

*as they speak they move closer together and grow into one human-sized entity*

We are constantly amazed at the creativity and spirit of our fellow researchers, who could be dropped on the shore of an island and improvise brilliantly from that point. So many sub-plots proceeding together! So much comic repartee! So much spontaneous interaction!

*the disguise is by now in tatters; Lil steps out of it, accepts her award, and rejoins the audience*

Oh, Dear me, I just didn't guess anyone right. Bother, I knew that was going to happen just after we found out Buttercup was Amy, I was ever so certain she was Caerwyn. Now if d'E and Zeppo were Humpty then who were Mary and the Sheep?

Bother, the only one I have correct is Mac, and that's hardly fair as I was helping him as his Dresser - and a good thing , too, because Mac just doesn't know for cute!

I have to admit to thinking Zeppo was the but that was obviously a red herring and I was fairly sure that Amy was the as well as Buttercup.

I would be useless as a detective!

You didn't know I was the 3 blind mice? Cool!

There are still some characters to be revealed, though. I'd like to know who the mysterious stranger is, as well as Mary and the sheep! That was a splendid piece of misdirection, wasn't it!

**Purr in Boots rises from his seat with poise and saunters up to the clear acrylic podium with the cluster of small microphones. He stops short of the dais, pausing to let East Clintwood present him with his trophy and take a half-step back, then Purr steps up to speak. He uses his free hand to gesture in a manner that brings the Audience to still itself, spreading his paw and pushing forward and down. He leans in close to the microphones and begins in almost a whisper, his voice trembling ever-so-slightly, holding back the wash of emotions.**

[Purr] Thiss… Thiss is the mosst… Oh, maiy heavens… Yeou ffolks arre sso kind… to besstow ssuch a meaningful awarrd upon meow… It humbles meow jusst to think that, by giving of maiy time and enerrgy to enterrtain yeou all, therre would come ssuch honor. Oh, maiy! Let meow sshare thiss with yeou… Can we get a closse-up of thiss trrophy?

**Purr lifts it up for the cameras to zoom in on, holding it gingerly in both paws. It is a golden metal ovoid that shines brilliantly, reflecting the lights and surroundings in its glossy sheen. There is a seam that runs along the circumference of the gleaming egg, from top to bottom, which Purr notices and opens.**

[Purr] Well, now, look at thiss…! Therre’s anotherr egg insside this one!

**He pulls a black oval-shaped object out of the golden trophy, setting the casing carefully on the podium. The second egg is soft and furry to the touch. Purr points to a small silver diamond-shape at the equator of the egg. As his pad touches it, the black-furred egg hinges open to reveal yet another egg, this one made of a light tan leathery material.**

[Purr] Curiouserr and curiouserr… Oh, thiss is too much! Zoom in jusst a bit morre and notice the two black ovalss connected, with the tiny black strripes extending backwarrd from them… Lookss a bit like a sset of Perril-Senssitive Sunglasses… Which rremindss meow... Wherre iss that one ffellow, B4?

**He scans the Audience, catches the eye of the one he seeks, then motions for B4 to join him. Incredulously, B4 stands up from his seat at the edge of the aisle and walks toward the Stage. Just as he starts to ascend the stairs on the left, his trenchcoat snags on the railing, spinning him around, then letting go to set him stumbling back to the floor. He recovers quickly and, undaunted, makes his way to the podium to stand by the large humanoid cat. B4 shuffles nervously; Purr growls, cuffs B4 on the shoulder, then gives him a huge Cheshire Cat grin. B4 turns slightly and loosens up, beaming back at the big cat.

[B4] Wow! I’ve never…um…never been on a stage before. As I heard Thistle Howl say before, “This is wicked cool!” But why did you want me to come up here?

[Purr] It sseemed only ffitting that yeou rreceive the porrtion of thiss trrophy that was, by all evidence, made sspeciffically for yeou. **Purr hands B4 the small egg with the sunglasses embossed on its casing, then reassembles his parts of the award.** Ai could not have made it thrrough sseverral of the sscenes without yeour parrticipation, good ffellow. {stage whisper} Besidess, we musst sshow the Audience who we rreally arre…even iff that wass obviouss rright frrom the sstarrt… {/whisper}

**Purr then clasps both of B4’s shoulders in his paws, pulls him to himself, and squeezes him in a bear hug. It appears that the two bodies at the podium—slightly built man and over-sized cat—seem to waver as if distorted by the heat of a mid-summer sun rising from the tarmac. The shapes merge and flow into each other, expanding upward and outward to take on a much larger countenance. In place of the two characters, there now lumbers one…

…very LARGE Induhvidual. It is the Concessionaire cum Bouncer for the Theatre, and he stands transfixed by the spotlights and residual camera flashes. The behemoth shakes his head to clear away the initial disorientation, then leans waaaaaaay down to speak into the microphones, evincing his confusion by the quizzical expression on his huge face. His voice is low and clear, and it seems superfluous for him to use the electronics, as his voice carries quite well in the acoustically perfect Auditorium.

[LARGE] Beg pawdon, Ladies and Gentlemen… I seem to hawve found my way into your midst through no volition of my own. (He graces the assemblage with the Largest shy smile anyone there has ever seen.) I do hope I’ve been of some service to each of you throughout the production. Please let our esteemed Mawnager, the wonderfully gracious Asteroid Lil, know how you enjoyed the Panto. (He starts to turn away and head from the Stage, then leans back to the podium.) Thawnk you. I’ve got to go now…
Thawnk you.
Thawnk hoo.
Hawnk-hoo.
Honk-hoo.

(Inexplicably, he stands to his full height and begins to flap his arms. His dark accoutrements begin to fade to a lighter color and his feet rise above the wooden flooring of the Stage. His huge body shrinks and compresses into a more rounded shape as his legs contract into its hind quarters and his neck begins to elongate. With a massive beating of outstretched wings…

…a large white Gander settles onto the Stage behind the podium. It tucks its wings down and fluffs some of its pin feathers before turning back to the microphones. It cranes its neck, opens its bill, and speaks.

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-quack! (I wish to thaank the Theater Actor’s Guild for allowing me to test my wings, so to speak, on this Holiday Paantomime, my first public appearance. Thaanks also go to all the people—both little and big—who made this engagement possible. Mom. Daad. The incubator. Faarmhand O’Flaherty. Aand especially the near-sighted chef at Restauraant de Foie Graas, whose penchaant for leaving the kitchen door unlaatched aand inability to use cutlery gave me the break I needed. I would most like to thaank Lil, Amy, Garius, aand all of the players—especially the Ugly Duckling—who made me feel right aat home on MaaGoose Islaand.)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-quack! QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-quack! QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-quack! QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-quack! QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-quack! (Thank you.)

The Gander spreads its immense wings, pulls downward and lifts from the Stage. It heads out over the Audience, swoops along the balcony (winking at all the pretty chicks), and glides back toward the Stage. As it passes over the podium, it releases a golden egg that lands just back of it and rolls up against the backdrop curtain. The Gander vanishes into the wings behind stage right. The golden egg, however, rolls in a small circle, trembles violently, then cracks open to reveal…

…a slightly built man in his mid-forties, with pepper-and-salt colored hair, wearing glasses, blue jeans and white collared shirt. He steps swiftly over to the podium and speaks directly into the mike.

Hi. My name is TJ Weeks. I wanted to take the final unmasking to a slightly different level. It’s good to ‘see’ all of y’all here tonight! Let me thank you for the heart-warming generosity and kindness you’ve all shown me during the course of this Pantomime. I feel very comfortable with y’all and enjoy the way y’all share so freely your humor and your insights with one another. If you don’t mind, I’ll retire now to the Atelier to relax, and let the next actor take the mike. Bless y’all!

He steps to the edge of the Stage, gives a quick friendly wave, then saunters into the wings, opposite the side where the Gander disappeared.
[exuent]

*Completely agog and speechless.*

Uuuuh...

I knew about Purr and B4, but I thought that the very large individual was either Lil or Amy making sure that B4 followed the rules of continuity... amazing...

Outstanding!

Well....that was...interesting.

B4, I wanna party with you, man!

Very nice acceptance speech, er, speeches!

*squares shoulders and tries to prepare himself for the moment that he has been dreading*

*realizes that there is no turning back now*

*approaches the microphone with caution*

Mesdames et messieurs - I am deeply honoured - it has been my pleasure to be a part of this splendid production *bows*

*he removes his false teeth*

*oddly enough this does not seem to make any difference - his own teeth look a lot like the false ones*

Ahem - as B4 - or was zat Purr? - noticed, I do not cast a reflection in ze mirror - you see, mes amies..

*his foreign accent grows worse as he gets more and more nervous*

I saw zis as an opportunity to juste for once be myself wizout people running aaway from me screaming, or trying to kill moi wiz silver bullets, or throwing ze garlic at me..

You zee..*hesitates* zis is ze real me you zee before you - zis iz ze only researcher identité I 'ave, or at least ze only one I use any more - I used to 'ave anozer one, long ago but I 'ave not used it for a very very long time

*looks at the audience and 'is fellow actors, shifting 'is weigh from one foot to ze other, waiting for a reaction*

*relieved to see that everyone seems to be stunned by the révelation 'e 'astily grabs the award and leaves ze stage with more 'aste zan dignity*

*takes a seat at ze far back, close to ze exit, juste in case*