h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Thistle, wanting no part of further adventures until she dries off a bit, drapes herself over a warm rock. But senses she's barely aware of trigger something deep in the canine portion of her brain. Nothing! Things-that-are-not-there! And they aren't friendly, like any of the Howl family friends!

Involuntarily, she begins to growl.*

*his head pops out of a nearby prairie dog hole*

We have some unregistered actors in this scene. Get over to the cast thread and sign in.

Pardner.

*head disappears back down prairie dog hole*

I ain't actin'. I'm part of the scene. I'm proppin up this here door.
Huhrr huhrr huhrr

*feeling his gun stirring in the holster, Billy looks down and ties the trigger guard, then tips his hat to the ladies*

I don't plan on no shootin', ma'am. But I cain't answer fer our unregistered guests. Fact is, I'm guardin' this door, protectin' valuables till the rightful owner gits here.

Now why'd that silly cat go and jump in the well?

[Front]:

Ding dong bell
Pussy's in the well

[Back]:

Tick tock tick
Put the lid on quick!

[Front]: You just made that up.

*rustling sounds inside the jail*

*unable to help herself, Thistle wanders over to "Granny" and does the second rudest thing her parents ever taught her never to do. She sniffs.
Thistle cannot stiffle a growl, which grows in intensity.*

*from the well, sound oddly distorted by the surrounding walls, echo amplifying the voice*

QUACK! QUACK!

*Tumbles in with some tumbleweeds*

Don't mind me.
Unless you're Humphrey.

*passes round the Quality Street*

I hope the doesn't melt in the heat.

Are there any toffee pennies left?

*returns from the lobby with a cherry coke clicking with ice*

*Struggles with the tied-down trigger guard.*



OOOooooOOooOOOO [Man! I wish I had real fingers]

ooOOOoooOOoo [I can't budge this thing]

OoooOOOOooOOO [I told you you shoulda taken that Advanced Poltergeist's course last month]

OOOOOOooooooOOOOo [I'd help yeh, but it's all I can do to keep this nightgown, cap and mask up]

*The cap momentarily sinks through where a head would normally be, then returns to its previous place.*

OOOOoooooOOoooOO [You think we aughta register, like the man said?]

*Granny walks off stage, in the direction indicated by the stage manager.*

*Granny returns, drifting across the stage towards Billy.*

*seven dwarven heads peer round the air (not unlike a large green monster with a scythe if you must know). one of them has a rope in his hand*

Yep. This is it.

I just hope my beard doesn't go fuzzy from the speedy drying out process.

*the dwarves step onto stage and grin sheepishly at the others*

Well to discuss the interesting dramatic contrast between the underlying serenity and beauty of Act 1 and the harsh, arid setting of the current action we must really go back to the depths of the original metaphor... *goes off into an educated monologue*

How about I just watch instead of making a fool of myself.

Would you like some sesame seeds off my Amy? anyone?

*sips gently at an *

*to no one in particular*

There seems to be some kind of shoot-out developing.

I think I shall just sit on the edge of the well and admire the sun set, whilst waiting to see who shoots whom first.

Or is that whom shoots who?

*peers at Wotchit*
Something is different about you. Are you parting your hair on the other side now?

[Purr] Ai am thorroughly tirred of winding up wet in everry sscene! Esspecially when there's no need forr it! (to the Ugly Duckling) Ai am going to climb out of here; yeou may hold onto maiy tail--as yeou have wont to do in the passt--and come out as well, unless yeou wissh to continue to ssplassh about...

**With that, Purr reaches to either side of the well with his four paws to gain some purchase for the climb.**

[Purr] What--!?

**He pulls his right paw back, and slides back into the water. He bobs back up, then examines a small ring he's now clutching in his grasp. It is a translucent stone with dark dapples, set into an ornate filigree of gold handiwork. The light is too poor to ascertain more, so he pockets the item and resumes his climb. With his limbs splayed outward, he manages to find footholds on the inner wall of the Well and ascends carefully. He tops the rim and starts to speak.**

[Purr] Yeou ffolks won't believe what Ai have jusst ffound! Can anyone tell meow what kind of sstone thiss--?

**He suddenly realizes the dark figure sitting on the edge of the Well is Robyn Banks, and his voice catches in his throat. He resumes..**

[Purr] --Well iss made of? Urrr... Ai am jusst curriouss about its consstrruction.

No. But it was probably that I walked in backwards. You'll just have to hope that I don't lapse into backward hceeps. raed hO.

*concentrates on the panto, but everything seems to be happening backwards*