h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I would like Michael Buerk and the 999 team there to keep me amused until the emergency services turned up.

That way they could film it immediately and that would save them having to do a reconstruction later!

I would like a stash of food a blanket and my teddy bear. Oh yes and bottles of water.

1 blanket.
1 3-litre bottle of vodka & Irn-bru.
1 Michelle Trachtenberg (teddy-replacement).
1 tub of chocolate ice-cream.

Just for clarification, most of that vodka would be for rewarding the people who dug me out. A pot-hole is not my idea of a fun place to be pissed out of my mind .

I'd definitely like some warm soft blankets or an all enclosing sleeping bag.
Fresh crusty bread & butter, dark chocolate and perhaps a flask of cocoa or coffee.
A radio (Radio 4) would be good for company & faamily to talk to - why not make them suffer too!
A suitable torch & a good book - maybe a crossword book (& a pen).


Oh & a discreet means of going to the loo!

Blankets and pillows to make it very nest-like, discman, batteries and CDs, telephone, good book(s), water and tea, chocolate and/or a nice hot curry. I'd like some of my friends to talk to me, but they needn't come, it's ok if they can spare some hours so I can phone them.

Some cherry brandy to keep out the cold
A nice young man to come along and decide to jump in with me, simply to make sure I wasn't cold and lonely...
A nice hot pizza, pepperoni flavour with extra green peppers

Who needs anything else?

all i would require is a zippered(black) hooded sweat-shirt. quite possibly the most utiliterian article of clothing. much more useful than a towel, it provides all of the services of the towel but often does it better(better pillow, better for warmth, you can dry off with it, you can can carry food, etc. in the pockets(or the hood itself if you're feeling lucky. it would also, amoung other things, make an excellent rope.

Small hole : TV and PlayStation2
Rather larger hole : Snooker Table
Very large hole : Golf Course (9 holes will suffice, thank you)

Well this reminds me of a old hicker proverb that goes somthing like this:

"What to do when your stuck in a crack in the gound underneeth a large bloder you can't remove with no hope of rescue?"

Well the answer is of course to consider how lucky you have been so far. Ulternativly if you have not been lucky so far, consider how lucky you are that it woint be bothering you much longer...

Fortently we are going to rescued and will have some items to help up. So for my list of items I will ask for:
1. 1 large curry, possibly a Vindaloo or a Rogan Jhosh.
2. 4 pints of larger (to countre effect vidaloo or rogon jhosh).
and 1 bottle of wisky to use to reward rescuewers.
Other than that possibly a young woman, but thats seems unlikely to happen.

First of all, I would demand the Bluetooth-enabled laptop. That way I can keep in touch with everybody on h2g2, look for guide entries on getting out of holes, and read <./>ThePost</.>. I'd also like a shovel, so I can dig a little house for myself.

If I wouldn't be rescued until a long time later, then I would also like some snacks, a table for the little house I've dug for myself, a tiny fridge to keep the snacks in, a bean bag chair to sit in, a sleeping bag, a radio, my Game Boy Advance, and my teddy bear.

If by that time I was still in the hole, I would probably never come out as I've now constructed my little underground house and there's not much chance of me going home now.

Deus Ex Machina

First things first:

If it's cold in the hole, I will need a nice,
warm quilt. You can twist it tightly the long way
and lower it by a rope so it fits through the
hole.

Then, there's the time element. I have to take certain
kinds of medication, so if I'm in the hole for
long enough, ample supplies will need
to be lowered. Also, my pills need to taken with food,
so I'll need suitable meals as well as good, hot coffee
and gourmet popcorn.

I'm not very fussy.

The laptop sounds like a good idea. I will also require
a lamp so I can see in the hole.

Let me get the practical details out of the way first. I need a warm blanket. Preferably one that's been broken in by an attention-seeking cat, so that it can remind me of home.

If it's not too much trouble, I'd also like a portable tape player. That way I can play my favorite audio books over and over and feel as if the characters are there keeping me company. I'd alternate Rand's _Anthem_ with _Salmon of Doubt_. That should feed my over-active imagination and my very real yearning for company...

A laptop's a good idea, too, especially since I suspect there will be a number of entries published about "my experience in a pothole" by Guide surviviors of this ordeal. However, what shall I do for a power source...?

I would have the following:

one two-person sleeping bag, and pillows
one flashlight
one pack of gum
my love (not that she would want to be in a hole, but if she had nothing better to do)

i rekkun a ladder would go down a treat...

: )

I'd want all the creature comforts and a mobile phone so I could be interviewed by the Today programme.

I would like a hamper of luxury foodstuffs from the foodhall at Harvey Nicks or Selfridges and it would have to be Tattinger Champagne - well chilled and freshly opened.

For company I would want John Malkovich... I think.

I'd want my dog shoved down the hole to keep me warm. And Carter and George on hand to make me better if I've hurt myself. it hurts just ... here.

You get Carter and George and the dog gets Rolf Harris! What kind of a deal is that?

Eh? Rolf Harris?

Animal Hospital!

Though he might get that bird who does Pet Rescue!