h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Agent Chameleon, invisible and standing behind Scandrea, tries to club her in the head to allow Corrigible to continue his mission*

*evillene looks surprised to have gotten the hero dialer dealie away from RD just before his stasis field went into effect*

*examines it closely*

[Corrigible] [to Agent Chameleon -- or rather, to several feet to the left of where Agent Chameleon is standing] Thank you. [exits]

(Muffled cursing and thumpings are heard from inside the pile of green that Redfox is buried under. Suddenly, the green warriors shoot away in all directions, singed, smoking and some actively burning, apparently from an explosion somewhere in the middle. Redfox rises, a blast mark around him. He has combined his two previous personas, and is now a heat packing, sword and axe wearing, semi disheveled leather jacket clad elemental mage punk)

Damn you heroes and your heroic actions!

(Feels lost and waits for someone to attack)

*Hears the club whistle down at the last possible moment, but takes a nasty blow on the shoulder.*

OK... where is he...?

*Bumps into something invisible.*

HEY!

*Chameleon jumps away with his Krylma-given reflexes and finds himself standing next to a floating H-E-R-O device*

Chameleon-If that's you, evillenne....try dialing "V-I-L-L-A-I-N." Bound to be interesting.

Can you even dial V-I-L-L-A-I-N on those?

*Follows Corrigible, while Tracer sniffs out and leaps toward Chameleon.*

Yes you can, actually! Because in the original "Dial H For Hero" comic books where the dialing thing was first used, a villain at one time was able to use the dialer somehow. Although, now that I think about it he may have dialed N-I-A-L-L-I-V instead of V-I-L-L-A-I-N, though....hmmm....

And the fact that I know this little comic-book detail is so sad that I think I'll just curl up and cry....


*Chameleon notices tracer coming at him and jumps for the wall. He begins skittering up in his attempt to avoid the creature that he will know the appearance of after reading some more backlog*

Tracer is the wolf that follows me around. Sorry.

*Tracer stops short before he hits the wall, and sniffs around to find the trail again.*

*Chameleon carefully aims at Tracer and shoots his colt 45*

Chameleon-Three years out of that Bond movie, and I *still* haven't upgraded the weaponry....I'm workin' too hard....

*Tracer is hit, and yelps. Scandrea (Still as Karst Girl) breaks off pursuit of Corrigible, and goes to help him, noticing a faint residue of gunpowder on Chameleon's hands.*

YOU HIT MY WOLF!!!

*Pulls down a cage of stalactites and stalagmites around Chameleon, and goes to help the whimpering Tracer.*

Bad show shooting the livestock, Chameleon.
*Jiggles a mushroom in the egg yolk before popping it in his mouth*
Here, Scandrea, see if this makes the little fellow feel any better.
*Throws a string of raw sausages in the general direction of the wounded wolf.*
*Scratches vest to release odour of wolf linament - guaranteed to mend all wolfly ailments.*
I must look after my ex-fiancee.

Some breakfast would be great right now!

Did you say there were pains au chocolat?

*Smiles at cookie who immediately serves up large dish with a selection of pain au chocolate, pain au raisin and a loveley selection of danish pastries.*
Help yourself Inky! You must keep your strength up.
*Dips corner of fried bread in tommy k and chomps it noisily*

*climbs slowly up towards ground level and pokes his head out of the crack, surveying the scene*

The modern H-dial only has the necessary 4 letters on it, though one could combine them to spell other things, if one pressed them more than once...

*Picks up dialler and dials HO HO HO*
Blimey! I've got a red coat and white whiskers!
Could I have a christmas pudding with this fried egg please?

(Finds an open target)

AHA!

Avast ye, inky!

(Once again, digs de-e-e-e-ep into his pockets, hunting for something. He produces [of all things] a 20mm Vulcan cannon, striped off of a military jet and modified so that it's light enough to carry. He begins yet another salvo of rounds in the general direction of a hero, in this case inky)

Thanks Vestboy!

*Tracer is feeling better, and wolfs down the sausages. Meanwhile, with Red Fox currently engaged and Chameleon safely in the stalactite cage, Karst Girl follows Corrigible.*

*Again.*

*from his perch at floor level, throws a sate stamp at Red Fox's legs with intent to knock him over*

*Wonders if he's still in rebound mode after Scandrea's rejection. wonders again... nah. Showers everyone with Christmas presents*

Ho-ho-ho! A special woolly warmer for sate stamps for DD. And another one about the same size in case you have a date stamp. Ho-ho-ho! A lifesize picture of Vestboy for Scandrea for her to think about what she's missing (with special scratch and sniff sections). And a blow up bullet proof vest for Inky. That should come in handy. Red Dog's got a red bone, lucky boy! Ho-ho-ho!

The baddies have all got coal in their presents though, ho-ho-ho! and they'll get it again next year if they don't start behaving themselves.