h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The Divine Light keeps shooting everything it has at the enemy.*

The Yuuzhan Vong come from a planet in a galaxy that's maybe, 12 galaxies away. Their religion maintains that the gods dimembered and disfigured themselves to create all life, all existance. This leads to the ritual scarring, dismembering, and disfiguring that is a visual aid in determining the rank and social class of any particular Yuuzhan Vong. Their religion also maintains the idea that any in-organic technolgy of any kind, even stone spearheads or matches, is a blasphemy and must be itself destroyed, and its user sacrificed to the gods. Their religion maintains a third thing, that the galaxy in which the Empire is centered, is a promised home land for the Yuuzhan Vong people. So you see, as this galaxy is in between the Yuuzhan Vong and the Imperial Throne Galaxy, they are going to go through, and kill the "heritics" (users of in-organic tech) they see along the way. Negotiations and treaties are out of the question, "peace" in english or basic translates into "willful submision to a superior party" in Tyzo (the Vong language). And no, the psychiatrists office will not help.

*Inside the B3, the Excalibur brings its gun pod to bear on the Grutchins, and opens fire, tracing heavy explosive fire over their bodies. In case this doesn't do the trick, Myst directs it's head upwards, and fires the Pulse Laser there at the ceiling above them, in order to drop debris on them.*

Yeah. now these Yuuzhan Vong if they don't use inorganic stuff how will they travel through the galaxies killing those who do and how will they kill them, throw bananas or something?

No, with weirdo creatures.

*The X is now fully operational and upgraded with emp cannons, multi shields and better manoeverability.*

*Gets out a pair of mildly magnetic boots and leaps from ship to ship*

Okay, let's take them in a pincer!

*gets out a small lobster and grins stupidly*

*ignores Werekitty*

I see so the only chance for all of alien kind is to destroy the evil Yuuzhan Vong. Ha.
*The X lifts gracefully out of the Silver Jet and storms ahead, targeting the B3 again.*
I'll destry this ship if it's the last thing I do.
*The X secretly built a cancerous tissue with the use of the Silver Jet's lab, now in range, The X fires it's secret weapon at the front of the B3 as near to the command centre as possible.*

*throws the lobster at Ralph which slices a hole in his ship and sucks out the rest of the crew*

Fine, the rest of the crew is non exsistent. It's a one-man ship!

That'll teach you to ignore viciuos lobster weilding werekitty.
Have some

oooh!

*hops across to Jon Quixote's ship and devours the

Use the replicator, just say

*clambers inside Jon's ship and accidently fills the room up with cheesecake*


...




...

*seconds pass, and there is no sign of the submerged Werekitty. Is she alive, is she dead? Then a snarfling sound can be heard, and Werekitty bursts through the cheesecake looking a lot less slim than normal*

Quick, werekitty, clean the screen, I need to see what my cancer does to the Yuuzhan craft!!

I can give you a sensor feed if you want, Jon.