h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I see your walker and raise you one set of stirrups that can be used as a whip.

Yes Rimmer you truely are ancient

WHAT? Speak up son!

I said... YOUR PANTS ARE ON FIRE OLD MAN!

*checks*
No, it's only 4:15!

Hmm, so they are.

Yes... and the red red robin goes bob bob bobbin along!

I say old men, both of your pants are on fire.

*Looks at his pants*

I haven't wet my pants at all... in fact they seem to be on fire... so there

Don't worry about it then!

*Sits down and sets fire to the chair*

*Watches fire spread*

You know thats coming out of your pension don't you?

Now theres no need to be rude Thats a very private area

Come on, whats a few pounds between officers?

WHAT?!

Some people have more pounds to give than others *raises James Bond style eyebrow*... not me of course *frowns* But some people...

Hmm, maybe. *observes eyebrow* Yes, you're right, absolutely, undoubtedly, beyond argument.

*Gets caught in an innuendo loop, and ends up bizzarely in a Queen song, dancing with some of the female members of the back stage crew, and then suddenly wakes up to find his chair is on fire*

My God! When did this chair get on fire! *decides to sit there a bit longer annoyed at the sheer arrogance of the chair being on fire*

*Grabs an extinguisher and aims it*

Would you like to be annoyed at the fire, or me?

Erm... *looks down... looks at Aries... flicks back and forth for a few minutes whilst the flames decide to take over other parts of the room*...

Well I weighed up the choices... and well I have to go with the fire getting rid of thingy... but believe me it was a close call...