h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ouch! OUCH!!!

*backs away from the raving Zekejello, uncertain of how to fight him - doesn't seem fair somehow to use weapons against a jello who hasn't even got arms*

*looks down at her own feet - remembers she decided to wear soft calf-length hand-made leather boots, sighs*

Ah!

*whilst Titania dithers Zeke runs in and head butts her*

OOOUFFF! OK - that does it!

*takes a step back, swirls around in a shimmer of colours and turns into...*

*dozens of self-refillable appear on the barn floor*



Never mind - so you want to play kick-boxing, do you?

*right foot flashes out, giving Zekejello a violent kick in solar plexus with her high-heeled nail-inforced Flamenco shoe*

*Looks down with mild regret at the fallen Zello, but is more concerned about the newly shaven pug...*

Oh you poor darling...

*... who is happily worrying the spoils of the fight.*

Well, you go girl.

*Admires Kristina's legwork *

*Puls parasol/sword stick back together, and turns her attention to the mele by the Ranchouse...*

Hah ! Missed both muh legs

*One of Zekes legs then drops off and he hops around trying to bite any member of the posse that comes close*

This jello here obviously doesn't have the word 'surrender' in his vocabulary, does he know?

*swirls around and aims another flashing kick at Zeke's remaining leg, skirts flying, hoping that this will incapacitate him enough to leave the posse members be*

We'd better get going, Sol, d'E!

*A red flag embeds itself in the barn door. A bull thunders towards it, followed by a horse, a gnu, another horse and another gnu.*

*Tidbit angrily examines the 'Z' then gives a mighty shake. While the cloud of fawn hairs settles she exclaims

Nyark!!! Mwriggle, mwrig - GLE, gner! (You #%@$! It'll take me all week to shed that! You are soooo luck you are dead!)

*Ruppy is still considering Titania's complaint that the ruffians were fighting 2 females, she wishes to point out that it's actually 4.*

Gnoog-noog, foof, foof, groogle, fnoo! (Get over it, Tibby. Let's jump on the other guy!)

*With that the pugs charge Zekejello and leap, catching him around the hips*

*realizes that this might not be the best time to be wearing a red dress*

@#¤%&*§}!!!

*quickly hides behind what's left of the war wagon*

*from behind war wagon*



*a shimmer of lights in all the colours of the rainbow glimmer in the air*

*Zeke's remaining leg falls off leaving just a torso on the ground*

Come on then is that the best you can do. You're all frit ?

*looks up to see a red flag embedding itself in the barn door above his head and thundering towards him is a bull followed by a horse, a gnu, another horse and another gnu.*

OK lets call it a draw then shall we ?

*runs off behind the war wagon to a) see if T is ok, and b) to escape the cavalcade. Utterly ignores Zekejello *

/* Closes his eyes. */

I can't watch... it's too disgusting... there will be jello everywhere... and the pugs...

OH NO THE PUGS!

Come! Come! Let go of that jello! Watch out - the bull is coming! Run! Come! Doggies, good doggies! Come!

/* Throws the steak bomb towards the war wagon. The bomb bursts, sending the smell of freshly cooked steak wafting through the air, and hopefully luring the pugs away from the barn and to safety. */

*dogs are color blind, but they don't have mono-cromatic vision, it's closer to color blindness in humans. Red is one of the colors they can detect, and some of them have learned from humans that this is often a warning.*

Tidbit - Gnuffle, fnerf fnuff fnoof (Rup, I think we should get out of here)

Ruppy - Woofle! Fnooo-fnoo-fnoo! (You want to leave?! But there's all these guys lying around, Darn it, we never get to play with dead things!)

*The argument becomes mute with the introduction of the scent of steak. The pugs charge away in the direction of the scent.*

*The bull's path takes it right over Zeke, followed by a horse, a gnu, another horse and another gnu. Very little is left. The bull carries on and crashes through the barn door. The piece of barn door where the red flag was stuck, sticks to the bull's one good horn such that the flag dangles about a foot in front of the bull's face, like the proverbial carrot. The bull continues to charge through the barn, taking out various supporting columns and eventually, the back wall. The parade following the bull makes it out of the barn just before the entire structure collapses. The trailing gnu suffers a few splinters in it's, um, tail.*

I had Zeke's permission for the above post

*One of Hardjello's shots ricochets off of Butches belt buckle. The other takes off Butch's left pinky finger.*

OW! Now you've gone and dented by belt buckle! Now I'm REALLY mad!

*About this time, the cavalcade is traversing the interior of the barn. Bits of hay and bits of barn are falling from above, as the bull removes various supports. Butch has to concentrate on weaving around obstacles and loses some ground by the time he emerges from the far side of the barn. But as soon as he is clear, he brings up his rifle, carefully aims, and fires at Hardjello's gnu.*

[X arrives and jawdrops at T's transformation]

[X] ... I didn't expect /that/.