h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'll play a round or two....

Ramblers, a former cook in the Women's Army Air Korpse, earned her wings training the famous Trooping Parrots for our engagement in the Six Day War. Unfortunately, by the time she got clearance to buy the birds, she found out that: A. The U.S. would not be involved, and B. The war was over. Undaunted, she continued to train them(Troop, Damn You!!) for future engagements. Such was her dedication and relentless persuit of perfekshun that she earned the title "Sadistic Drill Instructor", and the undying(Heh,heh) loyalty of the Trooping Parrots.
At the present, she is deceased and on active duty(See? I told you she was relentless) with the Dog House; Our Texan liason with the underworld. Also known as the Goddess of Mischief, she can be found haunting the Golf Course at the Chaps Club, or sleeping off her various debauches in the ante room of the 19th hole.

I made a start - I'll try and finish it orf tomorrow

*Lurcher moves his chair as far away from the window as possible, puts his earplugs in, borrows a chest plate and vizor from the suit of armor in the corner, takes a handful of tranquilisers and settles in for a long siege*