Cheap And Simple Ways To Ward Off Burglars

The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the
house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.

• Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of
  meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!
• Dear Mr. Postman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They
  must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please
  be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all
  openings.
  P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care
  and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?
• Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again...
• Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The
  termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will
  fall into the basement where all of the rats are!
• To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have
  been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have
  merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck...