h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When I was engaged to be married I worked in a boys home. I had a motorbike licence but had never had a driving lesson in my life.
My boss said that I really should have a car to do my job properly. As it happened he had a 3 wheeler for sale, which meant that it could be driven with a motorbike licence. Convenient.

If you have ever seen Only Fools and Horses you know exactly what my car looked like. It was a Reliant Supervan. It preceded the Robin, which looked like a Maserati when compared with the Supervan.

Many mechanics call Reliants plastic pigs, so in the era of the green sun visor strip with Doug and Beryl or whatever in white letters I had a sun visor with Porky on it.

I hated Porky. Not just disliked, but really hated it.

It broke down at all the most inconvenient moments.

between Christmas and New year we were heading into London from the Midlands on the M1 to visit my in-laws (yes we were married by now and I still owned Porky!). The sleet was coming straight into the windscreen and the wipers were struggling to keep it clear. The engine kept faltering and we would drop to 25 mph and then splutter back up to about 55. Then within about 1 mile of the end of the motorway the engine gave up the ghost.

I was not in any of the motoring organisations so I had to ask for a private garage to attend, from one of the emergency phones at the side of the road.

The mechanic arrived and almost laughed when he saw the car. I explained the fault and he took out a tin of WD40 and sprayed the leads. "Try it now!" Vrrroooom! (or as Vrrroooom as a plastic pig can manage) I parted with most of my worldly wealth for a spray of water banishing liquid and on we went.

The weather worsened as we went through London heading for Surrey and a warm house and a cup of hot tea. By now the wind had really picked up and the conditions were quite blizzard like, which is great fun with only one front wheel.

When we eventually got to the house I couldn't wait to get in and warm up. My wife, however wanted to bring her niece's present straight out of the back of the car. "She's only 4 months old! She's probably asleep! She won't know what it is!"

She gave me one of those looks that forbids question and I muttered my way out to the car. The snow was finding its way inside my collar and straight onto my back. My fingers were numb and I was trying to fit the key into the lock with the wind pulling at my coat.

I undid the lock and started to open the door when the wind caught it, ripped it out of my hand and blew it straight off its hinges ripping big, jagged holes in the glass fibre.

I have had better cars since then. I promise.

I know I shouldn't laugh at the plight of others... but your story made me laugh till my sides ached. :D Thank you for that!! :D

So, did you ever talk to your boss again?

Maybe we should get VestBoy some counselling?

I wasn't working for him by then. I had gone back to Uni to finish my studies.

We laugh about it now, but I was so cross at the time I couldn't speak to anyone for ages.

The number plate had the letters FKR on it and I guess I know why now.

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&source=hp&q=Reliant+Supervan&gbv=2&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=

what were they thinking?

Yes, mine was about the same sickly green colour as Del Boy's.