h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The Minister's office is an airy, well ventilated apartment within Alabaster House.

The windows, rarely cleaned, are kept permanently open so no-one notices the slight whiff of foostiness that always comes with poor housekeeping.

The furniture and general effects are of high quality but are lightly dusted with a layer of - erm, dust.

The walls are lined with bookcases, upon which are shelved a large selection of the most interesting and entertaining books anyone could ever want to read.
There are also a few piles of books, randomly located within the room, which no-one has got around to shelving.

In the middle of the room there is a large oak table. It's not immediately obvious what wood the table is made of, since its surface is completely covered with various cross-stitch and tapestry charts, rainbow skeins of wool and cotton, packets of seeds and seed and bulb catalogues.

In front of the French windows there is a desk, upon which is placed a keyboard and monitor. Currently on the screen there is the Front Page of some BBC website called H2G2.
The occupant of this office spends an inordinate amount of time seated at this desk.

I think this will be one of my favorite places in Alabaster House. It has loads of personality and is just so comfy.

*presents the new minister with a plate of Mrs. D's iced rock cakes as a welcome*

*looks in*

Now this looks like home! Needs , though. Would you like some? I have a few I could spare...

I knew something was missing

We could do with one in each corner - and some cobwebs along the top of the bookcases.

I daresay the dust'll eventually arrange itself along the edges of all the picture frames.

Can you see the smeary mark on one of the lower panes on the french window? A had its nose pressed up against the glass last night

Jodan - I need a word with you please!

Quickly leaves at the mention of spiders.

They're very well behaved wee s, Prez - I've got them trained to stay in hiding while there are important visitors.

Ah, now this is my kind of place.

It could do witha few empty Chinese take-away trays, though.

"Hello, is that dial-a-Chinese? Good, I'd like a set menu D for six, please."

Anyone else want anything?

Sweet and sour chicken, please!

*looks in*

I'm sure I detected Chinese takeaway being ordered. Could you get some beef fried rice, please?

Hey, thith plathe ith really nithe!

(We alwayth keep our windowth open, too, but that'th mainly becauthe there'th no glath in them...)

I don't have any thpiderth, but jutht athk if thquid will do inthtead.

Orchid xXx

*pats Orchid since she's too large to get your arms around for a hug*

I would prefer squid, myself. I do not like to associate with spiders. I have had bad results in the past when doing so.

I find squid a bit chewy.

I've only ever had it breaded and deep fried.

I can't remember how I had it. I wasn't impressed anyhow. Mind you, I'm not much of a one for seafood.

Oh, Teuchter, your cushions are ready.

Did you have any trouble finding dust repellant fabric?

It's sort of dust-resistant, I think. If you shake it the dust falls off. I couldn't find any with some sort of force-field thing that actively chased dust away, and if I did the cushions would just clash with the rest of the room.

Thanks Bagpuss - we'll test drive the cushions. It's not just dust they need to cope with in here - there's all the crumbs and spills.

Perhaps I could see if the guys at CLI can do a bit of development on this. Imagine a cushion which could clean itself and all the other soft furnishings - then walk outside to empty itself of all the gubbins into the rubbish bin.

I may just have solved all the problems us Slutty Housekeepers have to deal with on a daily basis.

One of my Slutty chums has just come up with an alternative use for the feather duster - and it ain't cleaning

We haven't had any walking cushions at the Ministry since we got Rentokill in, but if you want the Crater Labs boffins to create some sort of artificially intelligent cushionoid be my guest.

*enters her office too deep in thought to notice the Chinese Takeaway cartons strewn about on various surfaces

Well - I thought that stop tour went rather well. Glad handed just about every Slutty Housekeeper within a 300 mile radius and set up a pile of meetings for further afield next week.

But the thing of which I am currently most proud was assisting a poor put-upon mother-of-six in repelling a threatened invasion by Kim and Aggie and their How Clean is Your House Team.
We saw those women off - they'll not be back there in a hurry - well, not without the appropriate immunisations

*makes a note to talk to the Minister of Covert Operations about having kim and Aggie kept under surveillance