h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Grabs sarge by the elbow, and takes cover inside the Mutt's supply room. Grumbling to herself, she checks on her paint ball guns, finding that all rounds had been emptied by the veggies hitting them. She tosses the cheep pieces of junk away, muttering about inferior mutt manufacturing. Saturn Girl digs for a radio, and hoping it works, she tunes it to cat frequencies.*

Saturn Girl to Cat House. Need reinforcements. In Mutt's POW camp, hiding out in an undisclosed location. Can not reveal location, due to possibility of Mutts overhearing transmision. Please send reinforcements as soon as possible. Saturn Girl Out.

*Saturn Girl digs for head set, and case to be able to hear any new incoming transmisions. Wishes she had access to her Radio Shack supply warehouse.*

*rubs head. Looks in corner*



That's a very nice looking tank, you know

*finally clears jammed potato out of Spud Gun firing mechanism. Reloads 5lbs of King Edwards and selects `thin chip` mode*

*looks round for tank*

*climbs into tank. Looks at Saturn Girl*

Are you staying here, or coming for a spin?

Uh-oh !

*gets into driver's seat. Examines buttons*

Hmmm...

*pushes button. Gun part swings round and rips part of the wall away*

I think you'd better get in

*waits for Saturn Girl to enter, then closes lid and settles into her seat and examines the controls*

*pushes a joystick*

*the tank begins to move forwards, crashing through the hut and towards the exit to the camp*

Oh. This is easy

Oh. This is bad.

*Saturn Girl sits for a moment sad she couldn't find a head set and case for the radio before making the daring escape in the tank... She can't help but think we're forgetting sometime. She starts to putz around with the stuff dumped ionto the tank and forgotten, leaving sarge to the controls of the mutt's metal monster. Finding at head set, and giving in to leaving the radio in a cargo pocket, Saturn Girl looks out the tiny little window in front of the tank made out of spud proof glass. Suddenly it hits her what they forgot.*

What about Arl? Where is he?

*one brave pub carrying a large marrow makes a dive right at the tank...within scant metres of the roof, it drops its dedly payload*

Would these help *hands over a pair of bolt cutters*

I could have sworn he left in Wacky Races

*starts turning to look round, narrowly missing the falling marrow*

*looks at monitor*

Ooh. The custard cannon is operational. Shall we try it out?

*thought he was still in wacky races, he'll have to sort that faulty transportor out never know if one is coming or goin

*Meanwhile, deep underground, in a top security bunker, BBW clangs the door shut on Arl's cell.*

Just push the call buzzer if you need anything.

*As BBW walks away, Arl walks to the kitchen of his cell suite and prepares himself a . He returns to the living room and switches on the big-screen TV and puts a video in the VCR. The opening credits for "The Great Escape" come up on the screen as Arl sinks into the couch to watch.

BBW walks to an office and starts to compose the ransom note, cutting letters from magazines and pasting them onto a piece of paper.*


iF yOU WaNt to SEe ArL agaIN AliVe
gIvE US sEA.

MEeT aT MidNiGHt UndER ThE tOwER BriDGE, neXT tO THE grEAt PyRamiD.


*BBW glues the last letter down and sits back to admire his work. He then has a sudden thought and draws a map to the rendezvous point.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F56?hread=150977&post=1469775#p1469775

He seals the letter and map in an envelope. He cuts out some more letters and glues the words: "To THe cAtS" on the outside, just below the printed return address.

Grinning with satisfaction, he gets up and walks to a security door. He presses his nose to the nose-scanner and the door opens. He walks down the corridor to another door. Another nose-scan later and he finds himself in a garage. He jumps in the batmobile and powers up the turbines. He presses a button on his garage door opener and the car starts to rise on a hydraulic lift. As it rises in the shaft, BBW goes over the exchange plans in his mind and can find no hitches.

The car nears the top of the shaft. The roof of the shaft slides out of the way and the car emerges into the sunlight. The moment it is level with the ground, BBW hits the accelerator and it peels out in a cloud of dust. The shaft cover closes again. Out of the corner of his eye as he speeds away, BBW sees a tank breaching the compounds fence. He chuckles at those cats falling for the decoy surface compound.*

flies in, snags Red Dog and phases into the ground. reappears on top of the tank, drops him off. hands him a can opener.

*takes can opener and is about to make the first cut when he stops and thinks*

Hang on a mo .......

*slides out onto custard cannon barrel and hammers in a plug into the end*

*hops off tank and dances around infront of it provocatively*

Hey Cats . Come and get me if you can . You`re just a bunch of cowardly custards who couldn`t hit a barn door with a cannon

*Uncle Heavy moves down into the command bunker to check on arl*

*When he gets there, he sees Arl just finishing his dinner. The waiter comes into Arl's cell pushing a desert cart.*

Waiter: I trust the filet mignon and lobster were to your satisfaction, sir. Would you care for desert? We have a maple cheesecake, Bailey's Irish Cream Torte, a chocolate-orange mousse, chocolate layer cake, pecan pie and ice cream.

Did someone say Baileys??

*Busterbone feels much better and rushes down to bunker*

*the dogs drone guards continue to fend off the cat offensive*

*Saturn Girl pulls out a screw driver set, and starts to fiddle around with the radio she'd stashed in her pocket.*