h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Reticence?! Pah, bally cheek more like. Been in half an hour at least and not a drop has been bought. What are things coming too?

I most certainly do, and far be it from me to deprive a thirsty soul of a quencher or two.

But damnit, rules are rules, wot!
Society would go to wrack and ruin without...

Oh dash it all!
Can you make yourself useful at least?

By Jove, you're right, what are we coming to. Have one, then, we'll all have one.

Useful, that's me, right on the spot, like that patent ointment thingy, what you want done, old dear?

You could spare my aged knees and bring me a pint of Old Peculiar, there's a good gal.

I'll spare your old knees by not sitting on them then, sir!

Popsy? In the mess? Good Gracious ...

I mean, there's in the mess, and there's in the mess ... and she's half-inched my spot as well ... dash it all to blazes ...

Still, gotta move on. Modernise they say - all a load of tish tosh and poppy-cock if you ask me ...

Well now, my knees are quite fickle about these kind of things. Some things they'll accept, others they won't...

Eh, what! *guffaw*

That makes perfect sense, sir, i have to hand it to you along with your pint.

Much appreciated!

+ Inkers =

+ + Ekkers = +

Not arf!

I say, my back is suddenly giving me gyp.
Might have to put off that tour of the skies today chaps.

Forgot to swallow your daily poker?

I think falling asleep in this chair for eight months might have had something to do with it.

Bally good chair for a doze mind ... talking of which ... actually, what the devil - The George has just opened ... anyone for a snifter or two ... Popsy?

Question was asked before, what are we coming to? Service isn't what is used to be, no sir, chap can die in his chair for all they care, slack i call it. Waiter! Take lord whatisname out, he's been dead a month!

No, no!
Leave Unkkers where he is.
We're still convinced he'll come back to life some day.

"Just catching forty winks, aren't you old bean!"


"...Alright, have it your way..."

Unless he's part of the furniture by now. Wouldn't want to upset things, no sir, must uphold tradition, and not move the furniture round too goddamn much.

Or as the regimental motto said "agitato numquam supellex cum comilito quietus est" ... "Never move the furniture when a fellow's asleep"

He maybe comatose now, but trust me, such a shock upon stirring would push him o'er the edge ...

What he'll need is a stiff brandy and slice of stilton ...

A good strong cheese certainly, cover the smell wot. You'd think the bally maid could at least give him a wipe down with a damp cloth once in a while. Could do with it meself rightly, wot!

you can decline jus jurandum with the best of 'em, what? What's Oxford coming too, is what i want to know, swamped by bally intellectuals. Wasn't condoned in the good old times, no sir. And that piece of Stilton stays right here, or i'll see myself forced to er well to take forceful measures what!