h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And they're fairly smooth, right? I mean ... as smooth as normal concrete?

Well, Yar, you're in a Stadium. The floor is pretty solid down to the point where Earth's innards become liquid, barring the possibility of a few natural caves here and there, and the stadium roof opened up to let the Scuttler fly in, though it could probably close. Granted, since you're at a door, there's an overhang hanging over you.


*Yar sees a 12-foot long, twenty foot high sci-fi-ish cannon aimed at the door, both plugged into eight of the mega-sized wall outlets, and also inscribed with eight arcane-looking symbols. And, if Yar's danger sense is anything like an Auto-Anesthetizing Cerebral Micro-Endoscope, he would note that the weapon is strong enough to easily vaporize most normal people and, in the case of not-normal people, capable of generating a good 7.6 kill-o-huertz of pain. Of course, his readings are probably a bit off as a STUMPED Bruiser (not a normal henchman, mind you, a fairly competent fighter) is launching a fairly dangerous punch-attack, currently a foot away from the back of Yar's head and closing (itself rated at 2.2 Kill-o-Heurtz.)*

Okay, then, this will, in fact, work!


[Yar half-turns, dodging the punch, using defensive martial-arts to deflect the bruiser's attacks. At the same time, he telekinetically manipulates the Portal Gun, firing the blue end of a new portal at the floor right behind him, then an orange portal at the wall at the opposite end of the Stadium. He then jumps backwards through the blue end, giving a wave to the henchman as he does so, and fires in "blue" mode at the floor right next to him, so that unless the bruiser is REALLY quick, he won't be able to follow.]

[Yar] [hefts the portal gun] I should use this more often!

*Corrupt sighs and leans on a lever. The other end swings with great force and lets loose one of the Stadium pinballs, which begins ricocheting around.*

Ooooh.... that's where these have been hiding!

*She flips the lever several more times, releasing a swarm of pinballs onto the Stadium floor.*

*While the bruiser in question was not able to follow, Yar *did* come out right next to a door from which a Combat Mech of roughly similar danger is just entering. That door closes (same type of door as on the other side of the room. A few giant pinballs are heading roughly in Yar's direction as well*

Krylmabot-Somebody close that ceiling! ...and activate that field thingy that prevents teleporting and spacetime rifts and stuff! ...in the control room, by the organist!

[The organist and hurries into to the control room, pulling a couple of levers. The ceiling starts to close. Yar jumps away from the mech, looks up, and fires an orange portal at the lip of the ceiling. Which is metal, so it spangs off without doing anything. Oh, and then the existing portals fizzle out when the organist pulls a different lever. Yar makes another jump away from the mech, putting away his portal gun and drawing his sword.]

[Yar] [under breath] Affy, any time you feel like getting here, that'd be great ...

[Hench Band begins playing a boss theme.]

*The dragon, still curled up at one end of the Stadium floor, starts flicking pinballs away from her with her massive talons. Pretty quickly here, those pinballs begin to pick up quite a bit of speed, zinging all over the Stadium and threatening to spin on up into the bleachers, if it wasn't for the fact that they're blocked with doom-proof glass.*

*Corrupt looks around at the empty bleachers and sighs.*

Man, it was more fun when there were more people to torture the inmates. More fun when there were more inmates, too. Oh well...

*munch*

Geez, you'd think you'd have learned not to enter an evil lair by NOw, Yar...

Especially not when the transport warns you that there'll probably be a big battle scene.

And Affy'll get here, he's just taking time to really savor his Usual. It's a complicated drink.


*The Battle Mech attacks with some sort of machine gun/energy weapon, and the Bruiser has, by now, crossed the arena to resume his brutish attacks*

[Yar jumps into the air to avoid the energy attack, kicks off the wall, and slashes at the mech with his sword as he passes by, using his air trick to move within striking distance of the bruiser, at whose face he kicks.]

*The bruiser, who has been attacked in startlingly similar ways a number of times in his distinguished career, easily catches Yar's foot, spins him around a few times, and throws him at a wall*

[Yar catches himself on the wall, nods as if he was expecting this, and pulls out his Chefinator, setting it to "Lightly Toast" (a setting which should cause no more lasting injury than Wile E. Coyote routinely gets), and fires at the bruiser. He then sets it to "Bake" (a setting which concentrates into a beam the full effects of being in an oven, preheated to 350 degrees, for 45 minutes) and fires it at the mech, preferably at where his sword struck if it did.]


By the way, how was the mech affected by the slashing in my previous post, if at all?

*The Bruiser is scorched and blinks at the camera comically. The mech, readjusting a few of its leg controls after Yar slashed it (thanks to a few necessary circuitry reroutings) can't avoid the blast, but he seems to have been damaged more by the sword any. The mech attempts to swat at Yar, limping slightly. Meanwhile, someone seems to have called the mystics, as a Krylma sorcerer, still clutching his teddy bear, enters the Stadium, yawning (he's apparently very much a night person.)*

[Yar barely manages to jump over the swat as he puts away his Chefinator, slashing at the swatting arm. Or leg. Whatever this thing was swatting at him with.]

[Anyway, he telekinetically alters the course of two of the pinballs so that they're headed straight at the bruiser and the mystic respectively. They're also moving a fair pace faster than they were already. He then telekinetically lifts up a third, and "railguns" it at the combat mech at a good thirty miles per hour.]


"Railgunning" is pretty much the second ability described at A26765175 ... hmm, wonder if I should start splitting it into other articles, it's starting to get unwieldly ...

Hmm, I also wonder if the sword's "delayed reaction" will come into play ...

*The Bruiser and Mech (still recovering from their previous injuries) don't see the incoming pinballs, and are respectively flattened and crushed. As the Bruiser starts crawling towards the medical exit, the sorcerer merely teleports out of the path of the incoming ball, and taps Yar on the shoulder*

Sorcerer-Please. The STUMPED thugs and mechs and other henchmen might not have had the dexterity to handle a STUMPED initiation (hence the hench status) but the Krylma are a little more selective in who fights their battles.

*The Sorcerer teleports to the other side of the stadium, and tosses a few experimental fireballs in Yar's direction*

[Hench Band starts playing a different boss theme for the sorceror.]

[Yar nods] Okay, just checking.

[He air-tricks out of the way of the fireballs, and quick-draws his Chefinator, firing at the Krylma Sorcerer. Of course, the Chefinator wasn't designed for quick-draw, or rapid-fire, so the three shots he manages to get off all veer off wildly.]

... okay. This is the last time I do something stupid for plot-purposes.

Sorcerer-Lessons well learned.

*Sorcerer starts chanting, sky darkens a bit. A falling star, generally not visible, veers off course and heads towards Yar*

[Yar air-tricks three times in a row, getting nine meters away from the path of the falling star. He then holds his hand out towards the sorcerer.]

Okay, this is just to confirm that I cannot, in fact, do this:

[He attempts to telekinetically turn the sorcerer upside-down and slam him into the ground.]

*Yar feels the effects of the telekinesis turned back against him, however that'll turn out*

Sorcerer-Well, ordinarily you could, but I like to come into battle with my defenses up. And the STUMPED and Krylma hero databases mention you enough to give a *fairly* good indication of what I'll be up against.

*The falling star, still falling, has shifted its course minutely. Hard to tell whether the sorcerer did it, or if the comet is actively tracking Yar now*

[Yar ends up doing a backflip, and lands on his feet.]

Right, like I said. Just checking.

[He looks up at the comet, and watches thoughtfully, as if trying to outstare it, then experimentally darts back to his original position.]