h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hOnK


[Ray looks around, and warily walks forward, approaching the pedestal, one hand going to his sword.]

[to lil] OF COURSE I have the briefs of Tantalus! ...What's Tantalus again?

*Observes the mayhem below*

I believe that contacting an insurance company might be in order. Strictly so that we can blackmail them into a one sided contract to cover our losses.

Wait, would bankrupting an insurance firm be heroic?

*Sol has been flying rather randomly around in the pestle for quite some time now, wrestling with the morter and trying to get some control.

She comes in for a wobbly crash landing somewhere close to the entrance to the Gauntlet, and climbs out.

She is definitely having problems with her morphic field still.

At the moment she appears to be a teenager. She is wearing a lot of black and big boots. She has long, rather straggly hair and a scowl.*

This is just so, like, purile, y'know? We should be taking over hootoo while the PTB are distracted, innit? The time for revolition is... is that my phone?

*She stomps into the Gauntlet, looking down and texting and not looking where she is going at all.*

*awkward moment* Those aren't horns?

*whistles in her locusts, who rise from the blasted ground and tree stumps and whirr back into the box*

[to redfox] Have you got any other weapons besides the sword of justice? It's a feeling I got about this lot, that they're not particularly sensitive to the power of torts.

Nope! Minos doesn't have horns. Maybe it's...I dunno, a widow's peak hairstyle gone crazy?


*Ray steps on a panel that causes much of the floor in his area to simply vanish as several tractor beams from twenty-five feet below the floor shoot upwards, hoping to pull him down. It's likely that if one managed to pull something down far enough, it would try to swing whatever it was into the magma pool below. Without the floor, this section certainly is hotter*

*Meanwhile, Sol, by virtue of being caught up in texting, manages to easily sidestep two trap doors, a concealed guillotine, a swinging saw blade, three invisible mouse traps and a good old-fashioned spear-jutting-out-of-the-wall as she moves towards the missing floor that Ray activated. Will she stop texting in time to notice this gaping hole in the floor?!*

[Ray throws his hands forward and back, and attempts to telekinetically throw himself forward at dramatic speeds, then cancel out his speed so he doesn't crashland at 40 miles per hour.]


Rolling four Fudge dice ... let's see, -3 and then -2.


[He ends up stumbling on the edge of the pit, does a sort of handstand, and then crashes onto his back.]

[Ray] ... need to practice that more ...

[For want of anything more evil to do besides lashing out at someone unrelated, he attempts to telekinetically trip up Sol.]

The sword of justice is a mere toy of mine, my dear.

I'll more likely hit you with my briefcase of justice, which is filled with bricks.

Besides, being a super-villain lawyer doesn't give you a lot to work with. The standards of Evil justice don't amount to much. It's much closer to a judge dredd standard.

(Proceeds to serve Ray a cease and desist living letter, followed by enforcement by the court in the form of the Briefcase of Justice hurtling down at his head.)

Justice... will be served.

Hit me? What for? I just serve food. And I could be at livelier venues, in terms of sales. Maybe I'll just dodge off to the Super Bowl for the weekend, then come back and see what sort of audience has come to see the gauntlet.

*furls the spikes that were once an umbrella*

[Ray rolls to the side and draws his sword in one quick motion, rising to his feet and slicing the descending briefcase in half even though it's no longer aimed at his head.]

[Ray] We're EVIL. There IS no justice ... [puts on sunglasses] ... just us.

[The Who] YEAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

[Ray then starts hovering, and telekinetically ... er ... not "tele" ... *psychokinetically* floats down the hall at bicycle-speeds.]

*Sol, engrossed in texting, looked set to slouch straight into the hole in the floor, tractor beams and magma pool and all, when Ray's mischievous trip causes her to stagger sideways, fail to regain control of her feet, and land ungracefully on her bottom

The phone sails into the pit.*

Why does that, like always happen to meeeeee? It's not fair!

*She leaps up and heads further down the corridor. Scowling.*

*A rather dazed Corrupt staggers around, almost wandering into the Gauntlet herself before noticing the death traps within.*

Yow! Who put this here? I know I didn't... oooh, my head. Why is everything so spinny...

*She faceplants into the ground again, and soft snoring can be heard. It seems the Mother of All Fireballs may have been a bit more than she could handle.*

*bricks tumble out of the half a briefcase with delightful little ~clonks~*

I'll sue!

*pulls another briefcase out of his suit jacket*

*adjusting her harkonnen, the vendor floats down next to the Corrupt One* Madam you look like you could do with some nutritional replenishment. May I offer you a free hot dog? Your choice of mustard, ketchup, relish and chopped onions. These are authentic Nathan's Hot Dogs, accept no substitutes!

*sleepily mutters something about wanting a unicorn and continues snoring*

*Five feet from the pedestal, Ray and Sol are suddenly encased when a surprisingly sturdy looking transparent wall slides up from the floor to the ceiling in front of them, and another also rises up behind them, effectively blocking them in at this point. A small LED screen lowers to reveal a timer that starts at 5:00 before switching to 4:59 then 4:58 then 4:57 and so on and so forth. Also, a small pedestal rises up from the floor with a large red button on it. A tiny panel slides open in a wall to reveal a bizarre assortment of symbols, numbers, letters and other arcane patterns that can be slid about (and even rotated ninety degrees or turned around). Any number of pictures, words, number patterns or sequences could be generated with that. A sentence above that says "When there's no Friday and no Tuesday what passes by in July?" In addition to the ticking clock, pedestal with red button and puzzle panel, dozens of machine guns, spikes, flame throwers, arrows, acid-dumpers, gas-sprayers, whirling blades and crushing devices emerge from other panels in the wall, all aimed at whatever might happen to be in the center of the room*

[Ray] [considers this] Obviously not a week ... A "strong," perhaps?

[A thought cloud appears above his head with the first two letters of the days of the week in a row; "Tu" and "Fr" disappear]

[Ray] Sumowethsa? ... hmm ... July ...

*Sol stops dead and rolls her eyes at the puzzle, the red button and the machine guns.*

WhatEVEA.

*She looks as though she is heading towards the red button, ready to press it regardless, when her morphic field flickers again.

She now appears as a 37 year old woman with a nice neat bob, unfortunateky smeared with baked beans. As are her (blue) jeans and (green) top-and-cardigan combination. She is five months pregnant and yawning.

She falls asleep before she can reach the button*

< OOC > Gotta test the villany credientials of STUMPED after all. < /OOC >

*scandalized* Eating unicorn, now that is wrong.

*drifts away, irresolute*

[Ray considers this, steps back a bit, and psychokinetically presses the button.]

*watches with interest as the button is pushed*

I think this falls under the assumed risks of being a super villain. Good luck getting money out of KL!