h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Lametta - long silvery (or goldy) threads of foil which drooped on your christmas tree and made it look like it was melting, fell off, got caught in your hoover and could be found, with bits of needle if you had a real tree, in all sorts of odd corners right up until the following September.

Yeurghh

If we are talking about tacky Chrimbo decorations, my mother has a running head start. Bless...

This year on the front of the house we have:

* A huge glowing steam engine with flashing steam clouds.
* A four foot it Snowman
* A child's Plastic Reindeer and sled
* A Christmas tree
* Lights attached to anything that kept still for long enough
* A huge Santa effigy, also lit up.
* A Santa's head nailed to the door that shouts 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' as you approach (this one scares the bejesus out of me)

The very bad thing is that you can see this if you take the train from London to Cambridge.

My son's got a rubber Santa that wobbles uncontrollably and sings in the style of a middle aged pub singer if anyone or anything in the Northern Hemisphere so much as blinks - needless to say, we WON'T be renewing the batteries this year.

My Dad, years back bought 2 silver Christmas balls that you put batteries in and when you flicked the switch, they made bird sounds! Really - we live in Manitoba where there's usually 3 feet of snow by Christmas -40 C temperatures, and no self-respecting song birds in sight - except on Mom and Dad's tree. By 9:00 Christmas morning everyone but Dad had had all they could take of those bloody birds!

My mother-in-law has a small Christmas tree that sings 'Frosty the snowman' if anyone in the house moves. I sneaked the batteries out of it last year. No-one complained, so I reckon I must have been a hero for that.

One of my housemates has a hula-hooping Santa which sings a song about hula-hooping in the break at the Rockin' Christmas toy factory while hula-hooping in response to loud noises.

I'm trying to work out how to kill it without her finding out it's me, because she loves it when in fact it's the most irritating thing ever.

I was in Sears Roebuck last night, and I
noticed some shoppers gathered around a
3-foot-tall moving Santa android
(Sandroid Claus ?) that wiggled its hips
while singing "Winter Wonderland." This
will undoubtedly end up as part of someone's
Christmas decoration extravaganza.

Well, this is a decidedly low-tech item when compared to the heights of electronic tackiness, but I never liked those plastic canvas needlepoint ornaments.

The other day while out Christmas shopping I saw what has to be the ultimate in tacky. A Santa in leather biker jacket and hat, doing some sort of dance to Rock Around the Christmas Tree. Yech!