h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Pic for Dmitri Gheorgheni -

http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/imworld2/stars/fan/D20050409/2009_792365669_scan10051_1__H034713_L.jpg

Sergeant H'Aloysius Cooper - Brown hair and eyes, 5'10", apparent age - 35. Actual age - Somewhat older, but he ain't tellin'. Species: Vaguely human.

http://seanbean.many-paths.net/sharpe/Cooper.jpg

Cooper started loife as a Cockney pickpocket. H'avoided 'angin' by joinin' the h'army. Was a Chosen Man. H'ended up in the galaxy courtesy of the French, who h'exploded 'im. Loves h'it 'ere. Works as Cap'n Sharpe's batman.

Most endearing trait - Bein' johnny-on-the-spot when you need a cuppa.
Most annoying habit - H'abusin' 'is Aitches.

Locations - Captain's quarters, 'is own quarters, the H'Arboretum (walkin' H'Ariel)

Goal in life - To keep the Cap'n, H'Ariel and Jamie 'appy and well-fed.

Likes - H'Ariel, 'is proide and joy, a really good vacuum cleaner.
Dislikes - People who disturb H'Ariel.

Ariel - White and gold hair, black eyes, 11" at shoulder, 2' long, four hairy feet. Age - Ain't telling. Species: Gallifreyan Temple Dog.

http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/images7/Shih_Tzu_Iseldar_Al-eks.jpg

Ariel was a gift from Dmitri Gheorgheni to Captain Sharpe, who at first wondered why he was being given a 'lady's lap dog', but who has since been won over by the fluffy little dust mop's charm. Ariel is an astromorph - he neither poops nor piddles, does not have bad breath, and can sense a bad mood a room away - and will try to cheer you up. He is happy most of the time, especially since everyone dotes on him, and is only unhappy with the Captain when he shouts or whips Jamie.

Goal in life - Already attained.
Most endearing trait - A zest for living.
Most annoying habit - Barking for treats.

Locations - Captain Sharpe's quarters, Cooper's quarters, The Warren, The Arboretum, laps.

Likes - Cats, all cats, especially Schroedinger, who is welcome to use him as a pillow, Cooper, the Captain, all the Gaels, and anybody who smiles at him and tells him he's a nice doggy. This only leaves out Brunhild.

Dislikes - Not being fed enough treats, given enough walks, or given enough soap bubbles to chase. People going away. The Captain hitting Jamie.

Lt Commander Jason Lee Commanding officer of the Galactic Rangers on the CSS Mariposa.

6'3" grey hair, age younger than he looks, space-time being bu**ered don't you know.

http://www.hollywoodusa.co.uk/images/marvin.jpg

Born in 1924 on the late unlamented Earth in the United States of America, in the state of Nebraska, Jason Lee was kicked out of dozens of schools for being incorrigible. He joined the United States Marine
Corps during the Second World War and ended up in the Pacific Theatre. This was a very tedious business as the Japenese refused to surrender, insisting instead on 'Glorious Death' for their smeggin' Emperor. Most humans have more sense than that. Lee survived the war with the rank of Major. He remained in the in the Marine Corps doing 'military intelligence' and for that stupidity was blown into the galaxy by the Americans testing one of their hydrogen bombs on a nearby island in the fifties. So much for inter-service communications and secrecy.
Thank you very much!

Lee came through the Arcturan StarGate, and was recruited by Major Lightfoot to be in the Galactic Rangers on Alpha Centauri Alpha. He was in the Clone Wars towards the End. It was an even MORE tedious business than with the Japanese although it seemed all too similar. Every time one batch was finished off another appeared in its place. The only hopeful thing was that they did not seem to be reprogrammable so their tactics and strategies were very predictable.


Favourite pastimes:

- Harassing Jamison Douglass in the corridors because he loves the smell of roses in the morning (and evening).
Making marines useful to the Mariposa and making them sweat.


Unfavourite people: Lt. Kyra Christopoulos a "marine" who is serving out a sentence for "accidently" stabbing a Lt Santos who is a shuttle pilot during an unofficial 'training' session.
Spies, including Eli Charognard, Ambassador and DIA agent working for Lord Abergavenny.

Corporal Daniel Hagman - long (!) brown hair, brown eyes, 6'1". Apparent age - 40. Actual age - 50. Species: Human.

http://seanbean.many-paths.net/sharpe/Hagman.jpg

Hagman was a Chosen Man in the Napoleonic Wars. Served under Sharpe. Is a gifted musician and hedge doctor, also the best shot in history. Shot in the wars, leaned against a tree to die, woke up on Alpha, hearing Smiths marching (One, two, no, wait, I know this one...) Laughed.

Hagman is the stablemaster on the CSS Mariposa, surely the oddest job on a very odd ship.

Goal in life - To love all creatures.
Most endearing trait - His silence.
Most annoying trait - His silence.
Location - The Stables.

Likes and dislikes - Keeps these to himself. The fact that he sees people and animals clearly doesn't seem to prevent him from being kind to them - which is all that really matters. The Gaels are comfortable around him. Most creatures are.

Ensigns Smith, Jones, and Davis - Blond hair, cornflower blue eyes, 18' tall (altogether). Species: Homo Ignorans Smithi. Age: 60 (Total). Mental age - 14, 14, and 15 (Davis is precocious.)

http://www.wrestlingsbest.com/collectibles/pc1900russiantrio.jpg

Ensigns Smith, Jones, and Davis were creche-mates at Magellan. Are practically inseparable.

They're Smiths. What can I say? They're big, dumb, blond, beautiful and useless. Starfleet's finest. Not a mean bone in any of their bodies, though.

Most endearing trait - Relentless optimism.
Most annoying trait - Inability to locate various parts of their anatomy with both hands and a Smith Button.

Location - Wherever they haven't gotten tired of them yet, also the jeffries tubes.

Goal in life - What goal? They're Starfleet.

Likes - The joy of discovery (I say, Jones, what's that thing up ahead? I think it's called a star, Smith. Do you think the Gaels know it's there?), living in space (mostly the space between their ears).

Dislikes - Shouting by the Captain, Gaels making fun of them, recalibrating the lateral sensor array (doesn't it ever get *done*?)

Schrödinger the Cat

http://public.fotki.com/Malabarista/alpha/uncle_tom.html

HEAR and attend and listen; for this befell and behappened and
became and was, O my Best Beloved, when the CSS Mariposa was a Gheorgheni space station that DC'ed into a different bit of space-time. The collapsing wave caused a trouble-making tomcat to pop into existence and land right on his feet, as they always do. He's only a few months old, but looks like a cat in the prime of his fourth life or so, as he *does* have quite a collection of scars under that glossy orange fur. Has no mother or father, so go ahead and insult them.

Schrödinger is, in short, a mystery - a cat who's neither properly Gheorgheni nor a normal feline, sentient, but by no means sensible. Dr Herriot has classified him simply as a Felis felix and left it at that, but little does he know, eh?

He has been peripherally involved in several of the Mariposa’s adventures, including the sojourn on Navarone and the court-martial of Kyra Christopoulos.

Goal in life: Finding the elusive Pattern, making every single person on the Mariposa love him, or at least feed him, as his or her own.

Likes: First and foremost, himself, closely followed by anyone who feeds him. Doesn't like to admit to himself that he has a soft spot for all the Gaels, especially Jamie and Toirdhealbhach, Kyra, and Jeremy Metcalfe, and still likes Malaba despite her annoying habit of hanging around with those irritating horses. Appreciates Ariel’s fluffiness and ability to stay still. Misses Lightfoot, is attracted to Tavaron in cat form.

Dislikes: Eli Chaorgnard, who he’s convinced is some form of zombie. Boredom. The fact that all the lady cats are vapid and the other tomcats boring. People who *don’t* feed him. Ferrets. Vets. Ariel’s annoying habit of trying to sniff his behind. Loiosh. Morgan’s refusal to fall for his cute kitty routine.

Favourite activities: Eating, sleeping, being rubbed behind the ears, activities with lady cats that don’t require their intelligence, rolling in catnip – he’s a cat of simple tastes. Also, picking fights and baiting dogs, dragons, and, in a pinch, people. Infuriating the Captain.

Usual haunts: Nobody knows most of the time, since he is intimately acquainted with the highways and byways of the entire ship. Often pops up in the warren, in the Arboretum, and wherever there’s a reasonable chance of getting food, attention, or affection.

Endearing traits and habits: A quirky sense of humour. Being there when people need a warm, furry cat to pet. Helping out his friends despite his feigned indifference. An ability to look cute.

Annoying traits and habits: Being an egocentric, conceited megalomaniac. His food fixation. Giving people mildly insulting nicknames. Demanding to be the centre of attention wherever he is. Shedding on things. Inventing creative acts of revenge for people who annoy him. An often somewhat arrogant, disdainful air. Playing practical jokes that usually only he finds amusing when he’s bored. Thinking at people. Interjecting “doo-wop” into otherwise perfectly good songs. Trying to prove being a cat is superior to being any other lifeform. Quite a list. Why *do* people put up with him?

Malaba Ayin

http://www.scifilm.org/tv/reddwarf/reddwarf2-6.html

Origins: Born in Fenwick, Grand Fenwick, Earth, on December 31st, 2284. Now 22 years old.

Grew up in the Duchy of Grand Fenwick, which was by then a theme park. Her father was a hostler there; her mother worked in the gift shop. Had an older brother, Hajo, and a younger sister, Janaheja. She was always rather a tomboy, though life has made her more shy and uncertain.

http://www.mnartists.org/uploads/users/user_6087/ab000b2b62ad6d9d4833a26784c1e73a/ab000b2b62ad6d9d4833a26784c1e73a.jpg

Through a rather complicated and melodramatic sequence of events, she found herself alone with and in charge of her sister, and took some StarFleet recruiters up on the offer to get her a job as a janitor on Alpha station in order to put at least her sister through school. She is the only original crewmember to have stayed with the ship through its transformation into the CSS Mariposa.

She has risen steeply through the ranks, or so she believes, going from Subjanitor Junior Grade to Stable Hand First Class in less than a year, with a brief stint as personal assistant to Elektra Gheorgheni to look back on and shudder. She ultimately landed in the stables after her career in Supply was cut short by an unfortunate encounter with a dekapod.

Usual haunts: The Stables and the Warren, rarely Supply or the Arboretum. She has what is likely the smallest living space on the ship, a converted chicken or tool shed.

Likes: Horses, of course, and most other animals, though she’s rather mammalocentric. Chocolate. Hagman’s and Morgan’s cooking. Reading space adventure romances and watching ‘Offshoot’.

Dislikes: Alcohol. Spiders and Dekapods. Meeting new people. People mocking her.

Favourite people: Hagman, the Gaels, especially Rory and Jamie, and Tavaron. Likes Eli Charognard, but is somewhat in awe of him, which also goes for Dmitri Gheorgheni. Is undecided on the subject of Kyra, whom she liked better before she became Lt Christopoulos. Gullintoppur – though he’s not, strictly speaking, a person, she has more conversations with him than with anyone else.

Least favourite people: Sadly, her sister, though she still harbours a deep-down affection. Dislikes Dr Castlemaine. Is afraid of Elektra Gheorgheni, her crew, and King Terry, but is also thankful to them for rescuing her from the others in her dormitory.

Positive qualities: Usually reliable and hardworking. Intensely loyal to those she does consider friends. Not very demanding where her comfort is concerned, and willing to do the dirty work. Patient. Imaginative, though her taste is a bit odd to say the least.

Negative qualities: Tends to talk the ear off anyone she feels comfortable around, barely pausing for breath. Very shy otherwise, awkward in social situations. She doesn’t have much self-esteem, and annoys those around her by making self-deprecating comments that she hopes they’ll refute. A bit naïve. Rather messy and slobby about her own room and appearance, though she is meticulous in keeping the stable and environs clean and tidy.

Kyra is 21 now, and is 5'1"

Sergeant Paul Jonas

-tall, black hair (short), tail (lightbrown with dark tassel), glasses (only used for reading), he has a tattoo on his behind symbolizing his status in his family
-age: end of 20s
-he is the postman of the Mariposa and so gets to know many people
-friendly, helpful, intelligent, tolerant
-goal in life: having a good time


Paul was born on a small spaceship where he also spent his childhood. He lived there with his whole family untill the ship was attacked, appearently because of some cargo. Most of the crew was killed, but Paul could hide behind a lose wall panel (he often used this hiding place as a child). Paul's sister was never found. Since then he had nightmares nearly every night.
Paul later went to starfleet, he doesn't want to live on a planet somewhere. He likes visiting them but prefers space for living.
Because of his nightmares Paul is in the 'knitting club' with Santos and Brunhild. He is friends with them.
He met Kyra when she was in brig for stabing Santos (he was playing cards with security). Although Santos is his friend he also liked Kyra, whom he usually calls only 'Lieutenant'.
When Tavaron came aboard on Arcturus, Paul liked her from the start, and also the orange cat which was visiting then. It was a shock for him that Tavaron and the cat are in fact one person. Today 'kitty' is Paul's girlfriend.

For a long time Paul tried to hide his tail, but Tavaron convinced him to show it. Another unusual thing next to his tail is Paul's ability to let paperclips (and in fact also other things) disappear. He can not always control that and they tend to reappear just when it seems to please them.
He likes reading and often plays cards with other crewmembers. By doing that and due to his job he usually hears all gossip.

-location: his own quarters (crammed with stuff he collected), Tavaron's quarters, the post office, everywhere to deliver letters and parcels

Countess Tavaron Gheorgheni

http://www.henneth-annun.ru/modules/subjects/pages/actors/Eowyn.files/eowyn.jpg

http://www.cats-and-dogs.us/images/Neweuropeanshorthair.JPG

-long blonde hair, age: 54, born 1298 on Earth, species: Gheorgheni-human (witch)
parents: Stefan Gheorgheni and Morgan Le Faye
shapeshifter, can turn into orange cat, cousin of Jamie and Ilya

Tavaron was on the spacestation Alpha when parts of it blew up. On the station she turned into a cat for the first time and met Malaba and Schrödinger (and of course her uncle Dimitri and Elektra). When everyone else left the ship because it was given to starfleet, Tavaron was left behind. Some time later she sneaked off the ship.
Tavaron came back on the space station Arcturus where she was on Elektra's ship. As she didn't want to stay with her Tavaron was allowed to stay on the Mariposa until it reached Rigel VI, where she should meet her parents.
On the way she met Paul and became his girlfriend. When they reached Rigel she didn't want to leave anymore. She met her parents and got her tardis which is since then on shuttle bay.
On Rigel she helped to rescue the fauns.

Tavaron likes to read (mostly books about magic) and make tea (=potions), but she is bad at cooking.
She is friends with Kyra, Jack and Sam, tries to help Billy and likes the Gaels. She dislikes Brunhild and Elektra.

endearing traits: usually friendly and helpful

annoying habits: curious when she feels like it, often annoys people, is unable to navigate her tardis (but gives out chocolate after the landing), enjoys turning into a cat and watch people or go where she wouldn't get in as a human

-location: her guest quarters, her tardis, the arboretum, the warren