h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi, I'm Razor Ecg, the friendly 3-eyed space . I'm also a 'space debris'/junk salvager part time . I like to go on adventures using either my really boss mech or a souped little fightercraft (that I use to zip about haphazard asteroid fields on occasion). I'll also trail about the edges of the some of any battles nearby. Why, you may ask? For one thing, I try not to take sides (when I can). The other thing is that those sort of spots tend to make for some pretty good wreck salvaging .

[How's that sound so far?]

I love it. Now, tomorrow, when most of the players are on, I will put in our story that there's a new Galactovision space series, and that everybody's watching it. So there will be comments.

And we'll start a fan thread, okay? I know one person who will write you letters...

And if you can get some friends to work with you on this - I notice you're in the US? So you could get especially US people, so you wouldn't have a time problem - just write away.

And then Beta will really be on fp all the time, what with the tv show and all...

[ well, (time-zones )...] :

Intrepid space- Razor Ecg is shown zipping around through an (stereotypically 'dangerous') asteroid field, in his 'souped' personal fightercraft.
Narrator: "With expert ease Razor Ecg weaves in and out between and among the chunks of rock and occasional hurtling bits of meteor/other space 'gar-bage.' "

Razor: "Now for the fun part"
"..."

*Whips out of the field w/ a (tad show-offy) 'aerial' (spatial...'spacial'? ) manuever, to safely and (in an almost off putting manner) simply dock to his freighter.*

[Enter the Ecg 'family' freighter]
The freighter is not only where all the salvaged junk gets "refurbished," but also houses where Razor, and also some of his relatives 'live' in space, as well as the few occasional visitors and pals may (how would you say) drop by/'pop-in'...to , well- visit.

Razor Ecg: Parks his 'souped' fightercraft .
The 'camera bot' briefly leads the audiences eyes toward an area off to the side of the 'landing spot', where we get our first glimpse quick at Razor's impressively 'mech suit.'

"Hi. Did anything happen while I was () out?..."

[A comedic drum-cymbal combo. is made @ the parody of a retro-sitcom being temporarily made]

[Here's the part where I need to have some other people...show up/say something.]

A robotic assistant: "Well, there was this one message someone made while you were out."

Razor Ecg: "Did they leave a name?"

Robot: "Yes, they left you a message. I believe they had said that they were some type of alien warlord. The message was somewhat garbled. They'd said something to the effect of about 'how this sector of the asteroid field was a part of their territory."

Razor: [Checks the holographic-answering machine]
", ?"
Robot: "It looks like they are attempting to leave you another message. Do you wish to respond to it?"

Razor Ecg: "Sure, why not? Computer -on screen."
"..."

Razor: [fiddles to adjust the 'translator' dial to the screen.]

Alien warlord: Howl, howl gibberish, growl (etc.)

Razor: [tunes the translator some more].

Alien warlord: "...Oh, hello. I'm just calling to say that if your a solicitor-then, get out now! Otherwise, Oh-hi, we don't get visitors out here too often..."

Razor Ecg: "No , I'm not a solicitor. I'm a junk collector (deliberately chooses to say nothing of also being a space )."

*There is upbeat space music. It has swooshes in it*

*There is the image of an elegantly streamlined fighter spacecraft. It zooms across the screen, again and again, as the swooshy music continues*

Ladies, gentlemen, Gaels, and gentlebeings everywhere. Galactovision proudly presents -

The new megahit series - Offshoot: The Asteroid Field of BETA!

*Musical flourish*

*There is a close-up of RAZOR ECG, a handsome, friendly space pirate with three eyes*

Join Razor Ecg, the friendly three-eyed space pilot, on his adventures in search of peace, freedom, and a good deal on space salvage.

*We see a montage of images - Razor Ecg laughing with his friends, a disreputable but jolly-looking lot, Razor Ecg tuning up his hot spacecraft, Razor Ecg firing phasers at hostile aliens with tentacles, Razor Ecg doing incredible acrobatic feats as he leaps back into his spaceraft and zooms away toward the camera. Another closeup of this rakishly handsome alien*

Come and explore the *exciting* side of garbage!

*Musical sting*

Available in most sectors. See your Galactovision schedule for times and channels.

Whats all this then?

Talk to thomthedruidguy and find out!

And remember, you have fans!

Do I now?

[You wanna be the alien warlord? getta have a huge, huge fleet & army & stuff.]

Razor Ecg: "Say, you're a warlord in these parts, am I correct? You wouldn't happen to also be a 'mech suit' enthusiast would you (& also, , 'cuz i'm not trying to sell stuff ())? There aren't so many people to 'practice spar' with (way out) here in the -Outreaches- (& I'd wager that you probably own a pretty spiffy 'robot suit' and/or are probably a well-seasoned pilot at that sort of thing, no?)."

[Razor]: [his 'third eye' squints a bit to make out a miniscule detail on the viewer image].
"Say, that's a pretty nice warship you got... what class is it?"

[Whoops I've been 'thread-hopping' again ]

[The camera shifts perspectives to outside of the docking port of Razor's freighter, the 4leafed Clover. One notices that the alien warlord's battle-ship dwarfs it, by being a bit more than about twice as large (and obviously, , much more heavily armed)].

[It is not often unusual for a great deal of 'pilot-machine empathy' to develop between a robot-suit fighter and his (or her, or 'It''s 'robot armor')
Razor Ecg: *briefly abstracts* [thinking]To his robot-suit): You think we're ready for this one ('Cuz I think so.)? It just may prove tricky though... he'll probably make a pretty well-matched 'opponent, eh?

[why'd it turn my clarification symbols into a sadface for?]

Razor Ecg: "..."