h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ray: :, "No, I do think that you and him make a good couple. I mean-you're both (searches for a word to tactfully replace 'evil')...
...
...
Uh, ambitious (yeah, that's it! Nice save )...and,"

The two are waiting eagerly...(even evil people like to receive an occasional compliment...sometimes)
"Yes? What?"
Ray: "Both..."
*searches for a word , a suitable phrase, gives up, but they are at this point both fallen for his trick.*
"Both, , Why yes-You both have a shared interest,-a penchant toward creating property destruction at the 'land-mass' scale."

[Both villains are completely stumped. Neither of them had any way of seeing this coming.]
They want to make an aside.
"Um, Ray, Buddy-pal, you mind if we have-A moment alone for a sec."
[One is to note the size of the really quite impressive looking set of rocks imbedded into the engagement ring of Ray's former ex-girlfriend. That is because she is/has become the evil space-warlord drummer's fiancee.Small world, eh (& never a dull-moment-if only that were true ?]
[The camera bot follows them anyway and they are unaware].
Drummer: "You think we should invite him on the guest lisst to our wedding?"
Ex: "Um, let me get back to you on that one later, (Well, at least there would be the publicity...
Hmm....)? Oh, Drat!"
(To Ray Starr): "I realized something. You've just done another one of those 'cleverly masked just insulted me (again) thingies'. I'm insulted (duh)." (ed too)
Ray: <> "um, when did you,-first notice?"
Ex: "Darling..."
Drummer: "...Yes?"
Ex: "Crush him for me,-?"
Drummer: "Like a bug. But first though , Hey Ray, you got to go and be some sorta galactic celebrity after the band broke up? That is so , ,-can I have your autograph?"

Ray Starr: "How would you like it to be inscribed?"
*gets out and clicks an ever ready-almost always with him ballpoint.*
Drummer: (, make mine an 8"X10" please) : "Um, This may seem awkward, but could you make it for both me and my fiancee please ( pal, sometimes that's just life)?"
Ray: <>
[Signs it fancifully, with enviably-calligraphied lettering].
Drummer: "Hey-Look honey, I got him to sign it for the both of us. Isd that or what?"
(Then to Ray): "Aw, thanks man."
Ray: *Almost shrugs, but then 'thinks better of it'.*
Ex: *snaps out of the fame-glow bubble*
"You idiot! You're supposed to be killing him. Why'd you go and get his autograph for?!"
Drummer: () : *shrugs ishly.*
", right...Well, ol' pal, I suppose this'll mean you probably aren't going to be getting to make it then, to the next band reunion for Green Nebula..."
Ray:"Nope. Guess not..."
[jumps 20 feet in the air with his long grasshopperman legs].

[Just in time too, because he was just about to get hit in the head with a large wooden ceremonial mallet...]
Drummer: "...Of Death."
There is a large very noticeable pothole-like dent in the ground from where the hammer had hit. As the dust and rubble-clears however, they find that:

Drummer: "What the " *Does a double-take*
"Where'd he go?
<>
"& I should know too"
*s at his own joke*

Drummer and Ex: (A bit nervously) : "Hey, wait! how long has that camera been on for?"

Camerabot: *shrugs*

Drummer and his fiancee: "What do you mean you don't know?"
[:] : "It was/is 'live feed' sirs...,-I mean sir and one madam (& also, please don't hurt me. I've got a mother circuitboard to take care of at home). For some reason, the 'button' seems to have gotten stuck."

Both villains: "You mean it won't Shut-off?!"
[:]: "Yep, I'm afraid so?"
The Two villains: ", neat studio you've got here tucked away ____(actual location gets blotted out). We'd love to stay and chat Ray, -Buddy, but , lookit the time! We gotta go and uh...have planets and empires that we need to go and conquer,-and plan out our honeymoon and stuff...No hard feelings right-y-oh? Bye!" *they both take off but, mess up and make a mistake*
"Oh, exit stage left...not stage right." << gotcha>>
*both (finally) really exit...or start to*
[they both abruptly take off, thoroughly embarassed].

Ray Starr: *mutters* "Good riddance..."
To the camera bot and the other off-stage staff people: "Now where was I?"
Narrator: (finally comes to) : ", what the h*ll just happened?!"

Ray: "Trust me, You really do not want to know."

[then as an afterthought]: ", now we need to find another actor to play the alien warlord. the drummer from my old band was good at it...because he really was one ()."
[The audience s while the credits roll by, as if nothing out of the ordinary had gone on (Mayhap because the 'film' has just now reached/given it's 'end of transmission signal.')

End OF 'Off-shoot:' - EPISODE two.
: "Wahahahaha!"
Then, " wait you mean it's already over? I didn't even get to have that many good lines. Sheesh."
[You can hear the narrators sudden footsteps]

>> <<
}Twack-ita!{
They have both been beaned on the head with that one certain leftover mallet (...OF -Death )
Narrator: (mimicking the 2 villains): " 'Cuz,...That's what -You- get."
[Writes down , while reading out loud, in a straightforward and professional manner]: ", mail to: Somewhere quite a bit similar in climate,-...To siberia. I think that FiveEvif 5 would be good. It's the one in their home-system that is nearly most furthest from the suns there." *pays postage, (gladly )*
"Hey Taxi!"
*hails a cab*
"Yeah, where to?"
Narrator: "You know of anywhere where they can make a really good Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster?"
"Well, I can think of one place..."
End tape (almost 42 seconds later).

Wild

Yes!
.
.
I just hope it wasn't so confusing as to getting folks lost. + =
Please .
Ray Starr: *plays some jazz improv. on his electric-stringed alien instrument*:
}!{

Somewhere out in space...
An ning alien warlord is practicing using his drumset (...Of Death (wa-ha-ha).):
[Comedic drum cymbal combo. goes off to indicate his punchline].
Ex: "Dear! I wasn't kidding around!"
[Comedic drum cymbal combo. goes off to indicate his punchline].
Ex: "Heloo! Are you listening...to me?!"
*sigh*
*puts on an external sound blocking-headset(like the kind that some musicians, and alot of pilots'll use, y'know)to listen to a different kind of .*

Evil drummer: Sends off a small phone call/'e(vil)-mail' to Ray Starr:
To: Ray* (mark, I repeat) @ galactivision,
channel42 ,etc. Improbability street, Wherevertheh*ll it is that yer studio is @, etc.etc.
Re: Wedding
So, yeah, she says is just fine with the band coming by for a reunion performance during/outside the reunion.
signed,
The drummer
-SkullNova


(then loudly to his fiancee): "Isn't that right!"
Ex: "..."
*s the tune to what she is listening to, in order to moreso avoid having to hear the drum practicing on their scary-looking battleship.*
<>
<<, yeah yeah, I should go and a -whatever dear. .>>
Both @ the same time <>
<<: uh-huh.>>
!! ! etc.

[the series themesong for 'off-shoot plays' It's a 'Latinified version' "dance remix." Just for kicks.]
Narrator: "Owch" , "I do not think that that is so very funny."

Narrator: "Though now that you mention it"
(*Temporarily forgets shin-pain*):
"It is rather catchy..."
*snaps his fingers*
Can be heard -ing.
}{

[This is repeat...I repeat }}Fzzt!-Zzt!{{ not a te-tes-test.]
Narrator: "It's the start of the third episode of 'Off-shoot:'."
subtitle: [With dramatic sounding 'adventure' music in the background] Episode 3: Where Were We (about to go)... (, good question )

[The Shumai and The Mako are finishing up their match. It would seem that despite The Mako having an obviously superior advantage in terms of firepower, (and perhaps even a more experienced pilot), It is not without good effort that BragKi is able to evenly match Razor. Though Razor Ecg is a younger pilot, the sheer amount of talent he has would make it so that...]
Robot Satellite Remote Judge: [:] :" It seems as though the two appear to be approximately evenly matched in skill."

Bragki: (Thinks) : Alright kid, you've done good so far...
"But Are you ready to bite the dust right where the others did?! Huh!"
*starts having the robot dsuite charge up for a 'Super Attack combo.'*

Razor Ecg: (Thinks) : Gee, that's not good.
"Hey, thanks for the bit of a warning,-But I don't need it."
A particle cannon on the Mako is charging, collecting the 'well, whatever energy it is that those things use'-(yeah, that).
}Phz!{ }Phuumphumphuphuphuphuphuuuuum{ }bLAAA-AAAAAMPH!{

BragKi: "Is the match over?"

[It is now apparent that as the ridiculously large beam surges forward, that either Razor and the Shumai were completely vaporized or...]

Razor Ecg: "You missed."

[With the remaining Grapplerang, Razor has the Shumai deliver its 'Electric finisher.']
}FrZZzatt!{

RSRJ: "Razor Ecg is the winner."

Narrator: "Later..."

[Razor Ecg & the alien Warlord BragKi shake hands and after swapping some stories he permisses Razor Ecg to be allowed to travel even deeper into his sector of the asteroid field]

BragKi: "And if anybody gives you any sort of trouble over it,-I'll...make them change their mind (let's just say, ?). That was one of the best 'space matches' I've had in some time."

Razor: "Thanks. I could pick up a thing or two, in terms of technique, from somebody like you..."
[The Freighter 4Leaf Clover and the Battleship Mu each go on their separate way].

Razor Ecg: *turns on the 'radio' to have some music to listen to during the space-journey*

Robot: "Where are we headed next Sir?"

Razor Ecg: "To the Spacebar port at the Collosus Station."

Robot: "The Collosus station?! , I heard it was full of and by a filthy lot of space s."
*shudders*

Razor: "Ah, but robot-you forget...that I am also a space , (so , ?)."

Robot: (not much better 'relieved' by that): ", Eh-heh. Right sir."
Razor: "Robot?..."
Robot: "Yessir?"
Razor: "Please stop calling me sir."
Robot: " sir, I will... I mean "
*both at that*

End episode 3

*the credits roll by as the theme plays*

Narrator: Next time on 'Off-Shoot:',
"All's not quite well at the space-barport on the Collosus Station... or is it? Find out in Episode 5: ' On the Rocks'
See you there!"

[The theme to 'Off-shoot:' plays]
Narrator: Last time on 'Off-shoot':
[A very brief recap]:
Razor: "Ah, but robot-you forget...that I am also a space , (so , ?)."
Robot: "Eh-heh..."
[Dramatic musical score-bit for the introduction]
Subtitle: Episode 5: ", On the Rocks"

[The Freighter 4Leaf Clover can be seen nearing the Space Station Colossus]

Narrator: "Yes, the Space Station Colossus, a locale of dubious reputation. That and - questionable legality..."
*s*

Robot: (almost whining) : "But I don't wanna get smeltered down/have my parts sold for scrap on the galactic black-market."

Razor Ecg: "It's like I said earlier, quit worrying! If you just stick with me, you'll probably end up . You'll be/do fine...just tell them, if anybody asks, that you're a robot bounty hunter."

Robot: "Really?"

Razor: "If you can convincingly act like one...then they'll probably give you some space."


Robot: "Phew, that's a relief."

*then, it realizes something about the suggestion that creates a new panic*

"Hey, wait a sec. How would one act?"

Razor Ecg: *tries to show the robot how to act kind of tough.*
Robot: "Oh, .

[The 4Leaf Clover completes landing in the docking bay].

[W/the corresponding sorts of science-fiction sound-effects to go along with it for that, of course].

, etc. parked nearby, (etc.)?

Razor: " robot, to be a more-convincing looking 'bounty hunter,' how's this?"
*gives the robot a half cape/cloak (lengthwise)*
"If anybody asks, say that the 'tick marks' on your chest-piece are for every X# of your 'quarries', ?"
*gives the robot a typical looking laser-handgun.*
"There."
Robot: "..."

[Razor Ecg and his Robot, A32, from there go to head on to the barport]

Razor: "Bartender, can you get me a - & have it please be on the rocks, shaken...but not 'vaporized' mind you."

A32: "I'll have a mug of oil, if they've got that."