h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Mina I accept your application to be Prosecuting counsel... please proceed.

Gratuitous snogging? ooh, aaa, well I never...

*bangs gavel* Order in the public gallery!

*muffled voice groans and a feeling of doom descends*
Er, can I object to the use of the word lacivious? And also to the accusation of being a tart in a built up area on the grounds that wherever I was on the dates in question happened to be a built up area?

Please explain your argument further...

mmm...date tarts...

*puts on silly wig*

I put it to you, tart, that you willingly and wantonly 'put yourself about a bit'. What say you to that?

Well I object to the use of the word lascivious, because it wasn't wanton, ie it wasn't unrestrained. I felt I was being very restrained, given the circumstances. I admit to giving many hugs, as is my nature. As has previously been submitted, I had nothing to do with the fact that everytime I was giving somebody a hug, I was captured on film. This evidence is detrimental to my case, and the case cannot be judged on photographic evidence alone, as has previously been taken into consideration.

As to being in a built up area, I put it to the court that London is a built up area, and do not see the significance that this fact has on my case? If a may use the following as an example? If for arguaments sake, the alleged crime was committed at a meet-up being carried out in a public park, then I submit that a) the park is not a built up place, and therefore the location is irrelevant, and b) should immpressionable people have been present, then the alleged crime would not take place. Assuming that everyone present at the meet-up , in the Public House of the Ship and Shovel, Craven Passage, London on the night of the 7th July 2001, was of legal age, then the alleged crime would be of no consequence to the people there. All being of consenting age. I am sure that Mr & Mrs Lynn's daughter would be unaware of any such behaviour should it have occured. I also put it to the court that there were many other people there at the venue who spent far more time engaged in 'lascivious behaviour' than I am currently accused of.

Hhhhmmmm

And what does the Prosecution have to say about this?

Mina?

I put it to you that there was a minor in the public house that night. Was he or was he not of an impressionable and corruptable age? I fear that your behaviour could haunt him to his grave.

True Uncle Heavy was in an appalling state....

(I was thinking of MaW's friend... Didn't realise there were more!)

Prosecution now calls for an adjournment, as I have a lunch date now.

I was unaware of UH being a minor. I would like to know how he managed to get into such a state? It may have been a private party but then somebody else must have corrupted him. I ask that this piece of evidence be dismissed until such time as UH's emotional state on the night in question be verified and proven that this was down to the crime I am accussed of. I certainly did not speak to him, let alone do anything to him that would 'haunt him to his grave' as you would put it.
I would also feel that if indeed he is a minor, perhaps somebody should have been looking out for his wellbeing. As this appears not to have happened, i would deem that the people present were of an opinion that he could take care of himself and that includes deciding on whether or not something would or would not corrupt him, or leave an impression on him. ie he could make his own judgement. Therefore I move to have the idea that UH was impressionable and corruptable stricken from the record and cannot be used in evidence against my alleged crime.

*gets back from lunch*

Oh go on then... strike Uncle Heavy from the record!

Poor UH!!

*Sneaks in the back. He has a reporter's notebook and a press pass in the band of his hat. He is chuckling to himself over the headline he has already written for the front page*

"B17 - PRISONER: CELL BLOCK H2G2?"

*bangs gavel*

The counsel for the prosecution has gone off line. I therefore suggest that you talk among yourselves for a bit.

*talks to herself*

I mean...uh...SPINY!! Hi

*wonders when tea will turn up*