A Conversation for The h2g2 Kangaroo Court
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) Started conversation Jul 9, 2001
[Baliff of the Court] All RISE!
*Joe comes in wearing a deep blue robe with white trim and a black wig* Ladies and Gentleman, please be seated.
We are here today to hear the case of the missing sandwiches. Shazz has been charged with Offensive Sandwich Eating, an offence under Article 2 of the Syndicate Eating Act, 1982. The offense was alledged to have occured at the last meet up during the dinner time part of the meet. The plaintiff, the h2g2 community present at the meet, was shocked and traumatised by the lack of filled pieces of bread and so the case was brought to us. Is the defendent present?
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
shazzPRME Posted Jul 9, 2001
I am yes... but I categorically state that I only ate two sandwiches your honour... both of the egg variety!
I would also plead for an adjournal of this trial until a more reasonable time having only just returned home from London! 
shazz 
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
Feisor - -0- Generix I made it back - sortof ... Posted Jul 10, 2001
Egg sandwiches??? 
I move that the case be dismissed on the grounds that no one would willingly steal egg sandwiches it must have been a case of coerced ingestion.
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
shazzPRME Posted Jul 10, 2001
Thank you Feisor!
When I get my film developed I also think I have irrefutable proof of pggery far in excess of mine! I WAS sitting at the table with my camera after all! 
shazz
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
Feisor - -0- Generix I made it back - sortof ... Posted Jul 10, 2001
Anyway ... as I hear it there was a great deal more of VOLUNTARY ingestion going on - but of more liquid-type offerings
And I believe that Uncle Heavy may be held accountable for a case of ocular abuse with an offensive shirt
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
shazzPRME Posted Jul 10, 2001
Indeed! I'll go along with that! 
Also... there was an awful lot of 
and 
going on! Surley that is far more of a crime!
shazz
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) Posted Jul 10, 2001
Ah yes, but you've been served 
We need our witnesses... the prosecution calls Abi!
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
shazzPRME Posted Jul 10, 2001
Ah Abi hehe
I have a feeling that I have a picture of her eating! 
shazz
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) Posted Jul 10, 2001
But we aren't trying people for eating. We are trying you for disposal 
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
shazzPRME Posted Jul 10, 2001
Oh really?!
Then this trial is already on a loser then... and I quote!
'Shazz has been charged with Offensive Sandwich Eating, an offence under Article 2 of the Syndicate Eating Act, 1982'
Sounds like an eating charge to me yer honour!
shazz
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) Posted Jul 10, 2001
I quote from the section of the Syndicate Eating Act, 1982 covering the offense of Offensive Sandwich Eating;
"Offensive Sandwich Eating is an offense of the disposal of the last sandwiches from a tray without due regard for the community the tray is being shared with. Due regard is the disposal (to whit, eating or other removal from availiability) only after notifying others and appologising for the disposal. If someone else needs the sandwiches more than you, they must take precedence and be offered them by you."
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) Posted Jul 10, 2001
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
shazzPRME Posted Jul 10, 2001
In that case I am completely innocent of ALL the charges! I don't like other sandwiches, eat very little and hardly dared to touch any of the other food especially as it was bristling with meat! There were certainly plenty of other sandwiches left after I had my paltry two. I think my photographs will prove that conclusively!
I would also like to raise an objection in that, whilst in the middle of the h2g2 quiz, yet more food offensive to my eyes was unceremoniously dumped on our team table. This led to an infiltration of rival team members looking over our answer papers and generally making it hard to concentrate! 
shazz
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) Posted Jul 10, 2001
This court will not allow such diversions! Please keep to the case at hand and jury *turns towards them*, strike the objection from your minds.
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
shazzPRME Posted Jul 10, 2001
Oh dear!!! I feel so victimised!!! How can anyone be so cruel!!!!
*shazz turns a nasty shade of reddish green and faints clean away*
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) Posted Jul 10, 2001
*looks around* Gaoler! Help her recover please...
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
MaW Posted Jul 10, 2001
* appears from somewhere near the back of the courtroom, jangling with keys, and produces a bottle of smelling salts which he waves under Shazz's nose. The pungent smell is quickly detectable throughout the courtroom *
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
Feisor - -0- Generix I made it back - sortof ... Posted Jul 11, 2001
I OBJECT YOUR HONOUR!!!
The smelling salts are obviously meat derived (I can tell by the smell) and as such are objectionable to the accused!!
I accuse the court of cruel and unconscionable behaviour. J'ACCUSE!!
moderator - I think that's ok - it's the title of a book
*whispers to Shazz* Think I got them a good one there
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
shazzPRME Posted Jul 11, 2001
*Struggles back up in alarm*
Phew... what a smell!!!
Where am I? What is going on?
shazz
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) Posted Jul 11, 2001
I believe those were magic smelling salts... they could wake the dead.
Key: Complain about this post
The Case of the missing Sandwiches
- 1: Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) (Jul 9, 2001)
- 2: shazzPRME (Jul 9, 2001)
- 3: Feisor - -0- Generix I made it back - sortof ... (Jul 10, 2001)
- 4: shazzPRME (Jul 10, 2001)
- 5: Feisor - -0- Generix I made it back - sortof ... (Jul 10, 2001)
- 6: shazzPRME (Jul 10, 2001)
- 7: Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) (Jul 10, 2001)
- 8: shazzPRME (Jul 10, 2001)
- 9: Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) (Jul 10, 2001)
- 10: shazzPRME (Jul 10, 2001)
- 11: Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) (Jul 10, 2001)
- 12: Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) (Jul 10, 2001)
- 13: shazzPRME (Jul 10, 2001)
- 14: Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) (Jul 10, 2001)
- 15: shazzPRME (Jul 10, 2001)
- 16: Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) (Jul 10, 2001)
- 17: MaW (Jul 10, 2001)
- 18: Feisor - -0- Generix I made it back - sortof ... (Jul 11, 2001)
- 19: shazzPRME (Jul 11, 2001)
- 20: Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming) (Jul 11, 2001)
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