h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Post a FULL account of your culinary adventures in here!
No restrictions!

/* Washes the collard greens and places them in a large pot with ham hocks and red pepper. Sets it to simmer for a while. */

/* Puts collard greens in the fridge to be reheated later */

*sets oven to 180c*

*covers scone tray in foil and lightly greases it*

*gets out eggs*

*drops one*

oh darn. Zeppo ...c'mere boy!

*separates 4 eggs - beats the whites with a quarter of a teaspoon of salt until stiff*

Does anyone else find this slightly...uh...sexual? No? Ah well.

*adds 8 tablespoons castor sugar gradually to the egg mixture, constantly beating*

*folds in half a teaspoon of vanilla and a teaspoon of vinegar*

Hmm...looks good!

Now the fiddly bit...

*spoons mixture onto tray into a circular-ish shape...builds it up bit by bit, until the whole bowl has been used*

*turns overn down to 130c*

*sticks tray on the lowest shelf, sets timer for one and a half hours*

Hmm. Hope it works - the last time I made one it was a distaster!!

*gets out saucepan*

*pours in 6 tablespoons golden syrup*

oooh - gooey...mmm....*grin*

*6 tbsp cocoa, 1 tbsp butter, 1 tsp vanilla, 3 cups of water, 1.5 cups of sugar all follow suite*

*stirs the guggly gloopy mess...astounded to see it turn into a delicious looking chocolate sauce*

Mmm....tasty - this one can be served hot or cold, so I'll just stick it in the fridge...

*gets out yet another saucepan*

*chops up 250g dark chocolate*

*drools*

*resolutely puts all of it in the saucepan*

*gets two of the egg yolks left over from the Pav, sticks them in the saucepan too...*

*mmm...cream....2 tbsp of that in...*

*adds just a dash of rum*

*and another*

*and some more*

*boils some water in a different pan*

*adds some more rum*

*starts slowly heating the mixture over the boiled water*

*adds some rum*

Or did I do that already? Better put some more in...just in case....*grin*

*just a little bit more rum*

*continues to slowly heat...waiting for the wafers to arrive*

*starts slowly adding butter*

*slowly adds some more*

*wishes BB would arrive with the wafers*

*finishes adding in butter*

*covers mixture, puts it in the fridge*

*chops the onions and browns in some oil, throws in the mince and cooks til kinda done. Soaks the bread in the milk*
*tastes some of Cafram's rum while waiting for the bread to absorb the milk*
*drains the bread and crumbles it into the onions. Puts everything else into this mixture except for the bay leaves and 1/2 a cup of the milk, and one egg.
*has some more rum while contemplating the mush*
*Puts the 'mush' into an oven proof dish, and rolls the leaves up sticking them in.......artistic-like*
*Puts the dish into oven {preheated to 320 Fahrenheit (160 Centigrade)} to bake for about 10 - 15 minutes*

*Takes out six sambal dishes and spoons chutney in two of them*

*fills 2 dishes with coconut*

*slices bananas into the last two dishes and squeezes a little lemon juice over to prevent the bananas going brown*

*put the sambals in the cupboard*

*takes a beer out of the fridge and leaves you to guess what I am going to do with it*

*giggles*

*fills pot with water and adds rice*

*leaves to cook for about 20 minutes*

Hmmm! I left it for 25 minutes, but it should be fine.

*takes dish out oven and checks it*

Fine and dandy. Mince is cooked and ingredients have settled nicely.

*beats the last egg and mixes it into the milk*

*throws the egg and milk over the top of the babotie*

Right now this must bake for another 10 minutes or until golden brown.

*returns dish to oven*

*sets oven to switch off automatically in 10 minutes*

There we are.

If my PC at home behaves badly, please would someone just warm the rice and babotie for me. The sambals are in the top lefthand cupboard along with the red wine.

*Chops leeks and potatoes into 1/4" dice and throws both into a deep, heavy saucepan with a little vegetable oil*

*Waits until the leeks are becoing translucent and then edges of the potatoes are either starting to colour or are falling apart*

*Adds 3 pints of vegetable bouillon (stock) and stirs mixture to get eveything off the bottom of the pan*

*Leaves to simmer for 1/2 hour.*

*After this time the potatoes should at least be tender, if not falling apart and thickening the soup*

*Takes mixture off the heat and allows to cool slightly. Once easier to handle pours entire mixture into food processor and "Blitzes" it for a couple of minutes. Enough time to puree the potatoes whilst leaving some of the texture of the leeks.*

*Pours it back into the pot and back onto the heat. Taste and add salt and pepper to season. Finally adds the cream to give final thickness and creaminess*

*Covers soup with lid and leaves it ready for heating later*

*Gets a and wanders off into the Garden to sit in the sun*

Cool

*Comes back in*

Bu**er, forgot the croutons!

*Chops 2 day old bread into 1/2" dice and heats about an inch deep pan of oil*

*After a few minutes the bread goes in and starts to brown*

*Once crispy the croutons come out onto kitchen paper to drain and then into a sealed container and into the fridge for later use*

Hmm, I think bread and butter can be done at the time of serving.

Right, back to the garden.

~first puts the rose in the fridge~

~starts rubbing in the veal with mustard. Chops the herbs and rolls the meat trough the herbs.~

~puts a frying pan on the stove and does some olive oil in it. After a minute fries the veal in the frying pan.~

~after 5 minutes, when the veal is done, takes the panfrom the oven.~

~binds up the veal and puts it in the freezer to cool down.~

~Takes the tunafish and makes it fine with the kitchenmachine~

~Mixes the tunafish with the mayonaise, pepper and salt.~

~makes the whipped cream half stiff and mixes it with the tunafish.~

~get's the lettuce and washes it, then ripps the lettuce in pieces leaving the leaves intact.~

~takes 5 plates and spreads the lettuce leaves over them. Adds the tunafishsause over the lettuce.~

~takes the veal out of the freezer and cuts it in very thin slices.~

~put the veal on top of the tunafishsauce.~

~sprankle some of the vinigar over the plates.

~washes the cherry tomatoes, slices the lemon in parts.~

~to finish it DA puts a little bit of pepper on the veal and puts the cherry tomatoe and a lemonpart on the edge of the plates.~

So this is ready.

~takes the plates in the fridge, so when dinner starts it can be served cold.~

OK, if anyone is around we better put the carpaccio out now. I'm going to get ready to cook the fish.

/* Places fire extinguisher in center of room, and large box of baking soda on counter near stove. Takes out a large pot cover. */

Now, this is only to be prepared in a well-ventilated kitchen!

/* Looks at windowless kitchen, with the only exit leading to the lounge */

It's lucky we are eating out in the garden then.

/* Turns oven on to high setting, guessing what should be about right since the dang thing isn't in Fahrenheit, and puts the cast iron skillet on the stove, also on high heat. */

*turns oven on to low heat and puts babotie and rice in to warm up*

/* Puts collard greens on stove to reheat. Decides to forget about the wild rice, since there is already rice on the menu.

Rinses catfish filets and coats them with olive oil. Mixes filé powder, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne, black and white peppers, thyme, oregano and basil, and thoroughly covers the oiled fish with the mixture.

When the dry frying pan begins to smoke, tosses 3 fish filets on and immediately covers with butter. The pan really begins to smoke now. Cooks on each side for 2 minutes, then does the remaining 3 filets.

Places the filets in the hot oven for another 5 minutes.

Quite fortunately, it is one of those expensive double ovens like Julia Childs has so there is no need to disturb the babotie. It's good BB spared no expense in setting up the house.

Takes fish out of the oven, and places on a serving tray with collard greens on the side, ready to serve.*/

/* Runs back into the kitchen, puts the soup in the microwave, runs out. */