h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*checks the systems*

yes, but it is getting very very hot in the ladies shower

*checks thermos flask*

*it is half full of lukewarm coffee*

*sends it up to the pelicans nest anyway*

*wonders if wagbark has a microwave up there...*

alec.

knocks over lukewarm coffee, mops it up then looks for yet another thing that needs doing,

cleans the mould of the top of the pie shagbark left in the microwave

Thje intercom crackles and delivers the following message.
shagbark to Alec
now that we are in the Pacific I wondered if you used your EHD
ie Experimental Hurricane Destabilizer on flossie. message ends.

Already done shagsy...if you check with noaa you will find that flossie has been declawed...it might still rain a bit though.

*disables intercom thingy by throwing 18mm spanner at it*

alecout

<.......>

! Captain Pinzgauer !

*salutes smartly*

It looks like you need to trim your moustache a bit there sir...


er doing? Capting...? I'm just trying to work out how much reverse force we need to apply through the boats bow thrusters to counteract the spinning effect that unspinning hurricane flossie had on us as we landed in the middle of the pacific.
http://www.glenbrook.k12.il.us/gbssci/phys/class/newtlaws/u2l4a.html

now, if it's Newtons 3rd law, then we need to apply three times the thrust...right?
And if we're north of the equator then flossie was spinning er anticlockwise...that means that we must be rotating clockwise...yes
If the storm was, say 100miles across, that means we must be spinning at the same speed multiplied by the ratio of 100miles to the length of this mighty vessel that we call 'The Blood'
But we must be spinning er CLOCKWISE...

*looks at the generator room clock for a full minute to decide which way is clockwise*

alec.

i'm afraid i can't solve this puzzle, alec

a piece of advice, though:

whatever you do - don't ask the navigator to help you!!!

()

Well...that was easy.

Problem solved, and it's all thanks to the science of Procrastination.

...and a bit to do with Physics...friction just slowed us down.

Bright idea of mine to do nothing huh?

We might have caused a minor little tsunamette when we splashed down, but i don't think anyone will know it was us.

erm...talking of *whispers* tsunamis *coughs* it might be a good idea to kindly ask the lookout person to lookout, just on the offchance that a gigantic seething monstrous rogue wave comes rushing towards us.

Perhaps we should turn the radar whizzer thingy back on as well, just as an extra precaution.

alec.

Good idea ... but should we set it turning clockwise, or anticlockwise?

we have anticlocks

Doesn't really matter much to me Kes, I'm ambidextrous.

I've seen anticlocks Captain Petersilie Sir...where the hands turn left at 12 instead of right...Didn't make much sense to me.

Now, if the hands were contrarotating, that would be much better :

What if the hour hand moved clockwise and the minute hand counted DOWN the hour, ie: anticlockwise...much more sensible.

*removes engine room clock from wall and starts to make appropriate modifications*

erm...perhaps we should check the radar whizzer thingy for birdsnests, washing lines and sleeping before we start it whizzing

alec.

hm, a -carousel?

*Alec polishes the chrome cylinder head covers as if he's been here all the time*

shagbark wanders in and spills cappochino on the Crhrome cylinder head.

* ...using an adjacent can of WD-40, alec squirts a little onto a clean rag and repolishes the gleaming chrome cylinder head covers...*

*...with a smile, alec also applies a little of the lube to shagbarks Mcappucino, and then, for good measure, squirts some more into shagbarks nasal and auricular orifices.*

Betcha glad i'm back on board eh Snackbeard ??

How are fings wiv you old friend?
Have you been travelling recently or are you sitting in one of those little shacks out on the lake, contemplating your own icehole?

alec.

good to have you back, trician

your timing is impeccable as per usual. we have a navigator to party for today

*lines up 42 sets of a nip and a pint *

that wd-40 is doing wonders for my hearing. I actually heard that the Captain wants t5o celebrate. Now if I could just figure out where

!!! !!!

Captain Pasternak !!

*salutes smartly*

A party Sir?....for the Nagivator??

I'm right there

*rolls out the rollaway 'Slap-On' Steel Punch Cabinet, restocks the Shackleton Compartment, and rolls it towards the open mouth of the waiting dumb waiter*

Er...which deck is the party on Sir?


*applies some Teflon NevaSeize to the soles of Shagbarks boots*

Over Here Shagsworth! Come and help me push the Emergency Punch Revival Crash Cart into the lift !.....

alec.

shagbark hangs boots on side of cart and walks in stocking feet.
Lucky alec always keeps his floors immaculate. there is nothing to step on here.