h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In response to your post, pailaway,
In shadow of yester-Paddy-day,
My head is just sore,
Don't know any more,
I think I should just go away.

See? A limerick's best writ when hungover
After all of the songs are sung over
Confined to your bed
With a desperate head
Then with fur is your tongue covered over

I mean

Tis then that your words smell of clover

No, I meant

Then the muse has you over a bung

(ach)

Anyway -

Thank-you for the loo brush my friend,
My time zone you just may have kenned,
For the evening is here,
And I'll have just one beer,
That's one rule this time I'll not bend.

Each lunch time it's becoming my custom
to get out the grey cells and dust 'em
And write poems while I munch
And enjoy my packed lunch
Chatty colleagues - so often I've cuss'd 'em.

(3 mins 8 sex)

Eight sex in three minutes seems rushed,
I'm certain you're feeling quite bushed,
If you just take some time,
Like you do with your rhyme,
Libido will end up well hushed.

Forgetting why every he came
To find himself broken and lame
He called for a taxi,
Went over the facts he
Remembered, and filed a claim

The insurance man said "Just the same"
"You'll have to come up with a name,"
"The date and the time"
"Of this heinous crime"
"We have to have someone to blame"

Thinking to himself "What a shame"
His anger began to inflame
"If I ever get"
"The one who did it"
"I'll curse and I'll pummel and maim"

This is all I could do in four minutes:

I never tried timing creation
For fear it would block imagination.
They say the whole world
In six days was unfurled
But that's got to be exaggeration.

Hate that! Needs a total overhaul. Tempted to suppress it, but there you are, TC, you've got us started again

Supposing one had only a second
to say ones last words, then I'd reckon
a limerick would do
to round up the few
unspoken words be they unfecund.

(hmm... a great deal does get sacrificed for haste - sense, for example)

It's years since I last had a go
My brain cells are feeling quite low
I've spent too long lurking
My car has stopped working
Its outside in need of a tow.


(Approx 3 mins, not bad after such a long lay off..)

MC

Not bad!

Having slept on post 2148 I would make it go

I never tried timing creation;
It stults the imagification.
They say the whole world
In six days was unfurled--
That's exaggeri-faburication.

Trouble is, neither "imagination" nor "exxageration" fits into limerick metre. So we fabricate.

OK lets have another go.

My car was towed off down the street
For an engine stripdown, now complete.
With much hissing of breath
they've pronounced a near death.
or could fix - if we don't want to eat...


MC

Three quarters short of a dollar
A case of ring-around-the collar
There's dandruff, of course
And I'm far too hoarse
Even, to save my life, let out a holler

Mr Jones drowned his wife in the bath,
Which he did for a bit of a laugh.
She had asked if he'd care
Help to shampoo her hair
But he never could do things by half.

Three quarters short of a dollar
A case of ring-around-the collar
There's dandruff, of course
And I'm far too hoarse
To save my life, let out a holler


Familiar, I know. It just reads better this way.

Suddenly an old stalwart arises
without explanation of whyses
He takes the time
To throw us a rhyme
then leaves us all to our crisisies.

2:45

I would wish for an eyebrow or two
The last that I had were like new
Till I peeked in the oven
To see why it wasn't
Lit, then I struck a match too.

(3-1/2)

No, 4-1/2 if you count time coming up with the idea.

(oh, dadgummit)

ok

I can count on my fingers and toes
The number of times that I chose
to clock what I write
now my knuckles are white
and there's sweat all over my clothes

There was a young man from Nepal
Who was hit by a flying snowball
Though it wasn't warm
It did him no harm
So this poem's about nothing at all.

I wanted a rhyme that used 'limerick',
Could only rhyme one word, that's 'tumeric',
It's really a shame,
There's no one to blame,
This limerick remains asymetric.