h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

On the theme of ample ladies...

A 50DD gal from Pitts-
Burgh, fell down a mineshaft, and it's
Thought she survived
Just because she contrived
To hit the ground first with her tits.

Yay. A minor classic. Maybe even a miner classic

I see that it's just about time
For a loftier sort of a rhyme
Rising above
On the wings of a dove
Verse nothing short of sublime





(where the h*ll is the "humility" smiley?)

Composers will scribble a tune
About flying your heart to the moon
But it takes a Debussy
To dream up a juicy
Prelude to a faun's afternoon

Said this gal (who was ever so sweet),
"Now your crane can rise hundreds of feet;
And a trip in a hoist
Makes me ever so moist,
If you will, then I'll give you a treat."

Music they say has charms
Can soothe the savage beast's qualms
Now well that may hap,
but listening to rap
Is enough to drive to arms.

The person you wish to review
Is currently off in Peru,
Research for his entry
On flux (elementary
Molecular drift) to pursue.

The economy here has been trashed
The last of my bonds have been cashed
All was going well
No real worries until
The whole damn thing suddenly crashed

My pension belongs to my boss
Surprisingly I'm at a loss,
They all reassured me,
And took quite a large fee,
And told me boss money was dross.

Now I don't give a fig or a pickle
That the market is ticklish and fickle,
Cos it don't intersect
Or have any effect
On a guy without even a nickle

I, too, see no reason to fuss
My spending is getting furi-us
Fate might play a prank
While I've money in the bank
And have me knocked down by a bus

If love is the only thing needed
To keep me all warm, dry and feeded
Then I have to say
After this holiday
That I unquestionably have succeeded

"The Good Life" is on DVD
I've watched it all on my TV
A blast from the past
With such a nice cast
To watch with a hot cup of tea

Here . . . there . . . just about everywhere
There is music enough and to spare
And while some of it's cool
As a general rule
It's a mindnumbing cloud of hot air

Today is another Budget Day
"Why does he bother?" they say
With the election looming
And flowers a blooming
He'd be better off making Hay

Recumbentman said a while ago
"It ain't necessarily so"
Has the right melody
For limericks - yippee!
I think I might give it a go

While drinking my afternoon gimlet
I noticed a crack in the rimlet.
Averting my lips
I took circumspect sips;
I'm not one to risk life and limblet.

http://cocktails.about.com/od/atozcocktailrecipes/r/gnlt_cktl.htm

Remember when washing your feet
To dry them off well with a sheet
For untidy hair
A half-can of Nair
And your grooming will then be complete

Elections and Gimlets and hair,
What an interesting life over there,
I started today,
In a worrisome way,
And finished with nary a care.