h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Wounds heal*

Hey this is my best shirt dammit

found another pogo stick in the evil armoury!

*s to the Evil Armoury and shoots an anti-pogo ray into it, then deals with Ferret*

* arrives just in time to set fire to all evil armory pogosticks *

*pulls out another pogo-stick*

* gives a and removes last without notice *

*shakes head...*
out of all of the weapons of mass destruction...the only thing you could thing to distroy is a POGOSTICK THAT I CREATED AS A MEANS OF EXAPE...?...I mean...I don't even remember where it was I was escaping from...although I do remember that the aronym was kinda cool...or really lame...one of the two...

*Super-Duper-Mega-Secret Thingite Agent Double-Oh-Six-And-A-Half Zeek - who's so secret nobody knows he exists - sneaks into a derelict Soviet base, accompanied by two Generic Thingite Mechanics and a Generic Thingite Spy*

*stops suddenly, then looks at his buddies*

Zeek: Wait a minute . . . why are we sneaking? There's nobody here!

Generic Thingite Mechanic #1: No idea, Super-Duper-Mega-Secret Thingite Agent 006-1/2, who's so secret nobody knows you exist.

Zeek: Well, let's stop sneaking then and steal some of these Soviet vehicles. Generic Thingite Mechanic #1, you and Generic Thingite Mechanic #2 get those Soviet Mammoth Tanks up and running. Generic Thingite Spy, you grab those plans for the Soviet Iron curtain and steal the Mobile Radar Jammer over there. I'll hotwore this convenient Soviet Mobile Construction Vehicle.

Generic Thingites: Aye, sir!

*whistles a jaunty tune as he walks boldly over to a Soviet Mobile Construction Vehicle, hotwires it, and drives off to where a bunch of beleagured Thingites are making a desperate last stand against several platoons of Evil Army infantry*

Electronic Video Agent: Reinforcements have arrived!

Zeek/Generic Thingites: Oh, shut up!

Zeek: Mechanics, open fire!

*Stolen Mammoth Tanks begin shelling the Evil Army troops from afar - as a result, the Evil Army troops break and run right towards the stolen vehicles - whoch promptly run them over*

GTM #2: . . . Well, that's one way to save ammunition!

GTS: You got that straight!

*Zeek deploys the Soviet MCV and starts building a base, while the Spy parks the Radar Jammer next to the Construction Yard and the stolen tanks start patrolling the area*

*the smoushed EVILMINIONS simply reform and resume their previous shapes*
you'll have to do better to take down our cannon fodder...

*has just built a whole bunch of Soviet Tesla Coils - which begin charging up and sending bolts of high-voltage electricity spearing out at the Evil Army troops*

Zeek: If only I could find an Allied MCV, I could build Prism Towers, too. Generic Thingite Spy!

GTS: Aye, sir?

*Mission: Impossible theme starts playing*

Zeek: Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find a derelict Allied base with a handy Allied Mobile Construction Vehicle, steal the MCV, and bring it here.

GTS: I accept!

Zeek: Good man. Take this leather rifle with steam-propelled plastic bullets, this orange-peel camera with leather film, and these rubber picklocks. You'll need them.

GTS: For what, sir?

*Zeek shrugs*

Zeek: Beats me. Just take them.

GTS: Uh, okay, sir.

*the IGMPD floats back overhead*
*the massive Thor's Hammer (how ironically appropriate) electrical discharge units are charging up for a massive targeted discharge that will leave a smouldering creater behind where there once stood a target...it'll be massive...did I mention the size of it being massive...?*

Zeek: H'm, time to activate the Iron Curtain I think, Generic Thingite Engineer.

Generic Thingite Engineer: Indeed, sir.

*Zeek walks over to a large control panel labeled IRON CURTAIN CONTROL PANEL, and flips the large lever from OFF to ON*

*outside the Mobile Construction Yard, a shimmering red-and-black energy field surrounds the buildings, vehicles, and a few unlucky Thingite soldiers. The field contracts, causing the vehicles and buildings to shimmer with an eerie red-and-black glow - and rendering them invulnerable to just about any attack. The Thingite Soldiers who are exposed to the Iron Curtain Field, however, die a horrible death.*

Zeek/Unaffected Generic Thingites: Eeeeuw!

*one Generic Thingite faints*

Zeek: And that, ladies and gentlethings, is why you should always wear deodorant.

all the pogosticks destroyed and vapourized?

*pops over to the craft guild tea-room and borrows some knitting needles*

*Maliciously knits a striaght jackect around the dragon, rendering it imobile*

*pokes dragon*

* streches out and newly knitted sweater falls apart. Gives ferret *

Go play with the kitties. This is no place for a cute little furball.

*gives ferret a yellow ball to play with*

a y-y-y-yellow ? ball?

*luckily is still wearing tinted blue glases and sees a great green ball*

*waves fist angrily at dragon's escape*

* is thinking about setting up a kennel for kitties, ferrets and other furballs. Maybe combined with barn for MooMoos, so that furballs can have fresh *

*flies away to catch to feed furballs*

*16 harriers swoop in and destroy the Iron Curtain, shortly afterwards a lightning storm destroys the Construction Yard*

how do you stop a dragon then?