h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*doesn't seem to care*

*gets control of self*
*bursts into manical laughter again*
i am really sorry about this outburst. are we still in colorado or have we gone to florida, or are we going to some other state that someone will hate because they live there?




andit's the one on the left ya gotta worry about...
and everything else

Oh we're still in Colorado and still in front of your house presumably.

*stops laughing and glances around to see if neighbors have noticed anything*
*presses a BIG RED BUTTON*
*world shimmers and xanthipi is now dressed in an altogether more stylish ensemble, house is also replaced by an indestructable fort with guards dressed in similar attires patroling the battlements. people (presumably the neighbors) are chained together and performing manual labor*


andit's the one on the left ya gotta worry about...
and everything else

I knew it! I knew Colorado was a Third World dictatorship being propped up by the US! So how much for cheap name brand shoes?

$300 and servitude for nine years oh and if you want name brands i'll need your left leg.


andit's the one on the left ya gotta worry about...
and everything else

... no thanks...

are you sure, it's a bargain today. Usually you have to pay $500 and 12 years of servitude. Name brands cost that and both arms usually.


andit's the one on the left ya gotta worry about...
and everything else

... I'll go with my regular shoes thanks...

but you don't have any shoes, you have nothing now. it is one of our laws, everything you bring to colorado becomes property of the government....ME!
hey look there's the bad buy who never wins. she was one of the neighbors at one time, now she's just a minion.


andit's the one on the left ya gotta worry about...
and everything else

Really? Okay. *takes off pants, shirt, underthingies, shoes, socks, accesories,ect.* Here you go.

*minion wearing gas mask and rubber gloves comes to take posession of evilclaw's posessions*
thank you. anything you buy here can leave the state and country with you.


andit's the one on the left ya gotta worry about...
and everything else

Really? I'd assume that you would make me leave everything and confiscate it.

well we're not evil
*grabs arm of passing minion*
*whispers to minion* have my last remark stripped from the record to be replaced with 'we're evil but we aren't that evil to other people'


andit's the one on the left ya gotta worry about...
and everything else

right... *is naked*

*notices that evilclaw is naked*
we can lend you a burlap bag if you want. but it must be returned at the border.


andit's the one on the left ya gotta worry about...
and everything else

Rightio. Oh do i have to hand over my weapons? And if so can i have them back at the border? They're kind of legendary swords.

all weapons brough into colorado are immediately taken by the govenment. you will get them back when you leave (if you want them)but we will not likely let you leave. most people eventually decide they don't want the weapons just so they can escape from here.
legendary you say. put on this uniform and chain yourself to this line of people(formerly neighbors)
*hands over bright blue uniform*
it may not seem ugly but we have to wear them in gym class and believe me they aren't flattering on anybody.


andit's the one on the left ya gotta worry about...
and everything else

Do you treat all tourists this way? No wonder nobody ever visits the People's Democratic Republic of Colorado.

yes but tourism has been up since we changed the name to that. and since we gave game shows monsy to give away prizes to the "snowy paradise of the people's democratic republic of colorado's mountain"


andit's the one on the left ya gotta worry about...
and everything else