The Stretcher

4 Conversations

The Stretcher blob, as designed by Malabarista

You'll be glad to know that there are only two sets of reviews for each of your pieces this week. By the time you read this, I'll be sipping several cold beers out in The Gambia, but as I write this I'm in the throes of a pre-holiday mania that's slowly driving me mad. I just haven't had time to review this week, although I have read most of your pieces and have to say that the quality of what I've read has been excellent.

The judges raved about Beatrice's piece last time, and the public have agreed, with an enthusiastic vote propelling her to the top of the table. Good to know we get some things right... However, we have shed another competitor, with minichessemouse dropping out this week, leaving 11 of our original 14 still in the running. We're having one final round of votes this week before we 'evict' our first two, so I'm really hoping that you'll all take part in the voting so we get the crème de la crème going through to the next round.



Here are this issue's pieces and the scores the two remaining judges (it's catching, this dropping-out malarky) gave.

'Denial of Service Attacks'
by
Alex 'Tufty' Ashman

Galaxy Babe

Another one that doesn't read like it's been written in a set format for a writing competition, which was my bar-setting. I noticed one slip-up but it was changed before the deadline.

7/10

Pinniped

This is definitely better than ordinary, because it's authoritative and it's also nearly free of contrivance. (By contrivance in this context, I mean forced-sounding sentence construction to win the double letters). You could certainly read this in ignorance of the double-letter rule without any impression of an affected style.

Once again, the subject matter isn't greatly to my taste, but it will surely have an interested audience. I can accept that this Entry needed writing, quite apart from the challenge, and that helps put it above the bar for me. Plus I've learned how to spell Kyrgyzstan, mused idly on an eerie subtitle precursor of an actress' death and felt the urge to tell a story of my own computing past that echoes the 'lace card' notion. Maybe I'm weird (and unfit to judge?), but I do tend to rate EG Entries proportionately to the number of mental tangents they invite.

8/10

'The Dry Stone Wall'
by
Beatrice

Galaxy Babe

This is quite evocative, and touchingly sweet. I wondered if it was a dream, a half-remembered snatch - just a flicker, but written down it flows well. It is a testimony to the love of a Mammy.

7/10

Pinniped

Strong idea for the story, nicely told. There's a slight monotony about the phrasing, particularly the prevalence of short sentences. The resulting feel of the piece works in this context of a careworn monologue, though I'm not sure that it's wholly deliberate.

I've got a Rain Song ringtone, so that was a judge-pleaser.

6/10

'A Devillish Affair'
by
Danny B

Galaxy Babe

Brilliant. You get a bonus point for "I looked it up on hootoo". I swear reading that line gave me a right boost. And thank you also for the nod to Bels, he is still thought about and very much missed.

9/10

Pinniped

What to say? Only that this best Entry of the challenge is in a different league to the rest. In terms of work content alone, it eclipses the opposition, but this isn't just substantial. It's sustained in its quality, and it's genuinely clever at more than one level. I love the characters, particularly McArthur, who manages to be a loser-squared by failing to be Philip Marlowe, who was a loser already. I also love the play on the challenge theme itself. The narrative is balanced and the piece is beautifully structured. It has stageable credentials, and let's hope Rich commissions an Aviator treatment. The nod to Bels and the week-after-week commitment of the author, though neither gets judging credit, are to be applauded too. Best of all, it's very funny.

Sooner or later there had to be a Ten. I couldn't see a weakness here (having missed one instance of a false end that h5ringer spotted), so how could I judge it otherwise? The two provisos are a retrospective correction to the rogue sentence and more important that this ISN'T removed from AWW, as the author threatens. This is hootoo gold.

I'm sure there must be another station with none of the letters of Mackrell in it, though. I'm going to keep looking for one till a gazelle-legged broad comes through that door.

10/10

'Achilles' Heel'
by
David B, Singing Librarian Owl

Galaxy Babe

Very funny - and I feel really mean marking it down for the last sentence error. I can't work out whether it was deliberate or not and I don't have time to debate it with the others as I missed my deadline due to the late submittance. Sorry!

6/10

Pinniped

Another nicely conceived and well-rounded double-play on the challenge theme. There are a couple of flaws (eg repetition of 'sole') that are surely the result of a rushed submission. Please, please give yourselves time and apply yourselves as writers to some self-editing, because it really does often make the difference between a raw piece and a polished one.

Oh, and that ending. The deliberate breaking of rules is a very naughty thing to do. This time, you get one extra mark for good-humoured initiative. If there should be a next time, you will have one mark docked for insubordination.

7/10

'Parallax'
by
dmitrigheorgheni

Galaxy Babe

When I was reading this, I rather thought I was re-reading one of my favourite books. 100 Great Science Fiction Short Short Stories, each chapter has around the same length and similar quality hook. I can't think of higher praise than to team dmitri in my mind with Asimov and Niven (there's more authors in that book, but none with double letters).

9/10

Pinniped

There are different ways to get variety into your writing. dmg has a recognisable style, but his subjects and structures are consistently surprising. This one is a little elaborate for my taste, but it's clever and funny and full of allusion.

I wonder if our little group of alien beings really does have the power to drive people mad?

7/10

'The New Organic: Eating Locally'
by
Frenchbean

Galaxy Babe

I am a dedicated foodie. And a closet greenie. For me, this rang every bell. I couldn't resist commenting in the thread in my capacity as Scout, and fervently hope that FB enjoys her time in PR so much that it won't be another four years before we get another submission!

8/10

Pinniped

Another good Entry, again coming close to seamlessness in construction and with a worthwhile and considered message. The correlation between obesity and unseasonal eating is something I've resolved to read up on further*, and that probably proves that we have EG-validity here.

The Entry might be improved by escaping its 'stay-home' feel, perhaps by adding thoughts about eating local fare when travelling, but maybe that observation belongs more to PR than Stretcher judging.

*Oh wow. Three successive prepositions at the end of a clause without actually trying to do it. And you lot think you're clever just throwing in a few double letters.

7/10

'The End of the SS Canberra?'
by
LLWaz

Galaxy Babe

I got the real haunting quality although it felt odd reading a eulogy about a vessel. However, I know some ships, trains, etc. spark an emotional response - the only time I've ever seen Princess Anne weep was when the Royal Yacht Britannia was being mothballed. I'm sure many shed tears over the demise of the Canberra. I like your use of the three tolls of the bell. Now I'm looking forward to reading your updated version after you've added some comments. The ending is quite powerful and adequately portrays the loss. This is indeed worthy of the EG and I wonder if anyone using the IID (sorry, the RandomEditedEntry) link will even notice the double-lettering? (Later) please do remember to write the ghost story version of this for the AWW!

8/10

Pinniped

We were owed something different from Waz, and this is different. It's also another respectable Entry in EG terms. The ghost story alluded to in the PR thread would have been interesting, but the EG choice is no easy option in this challenge, because it disqualifies verbal gymnastics.

The most contrived sentence in the whole piece is the first one, with its sore-thumb 72. The beginning is never a good place for weakness. There's also a surfeit of statistics in that early part, at least for my liking. Once the writer is into her stride, it gets better, pretty good in fact, with a seriously pithy ending. A busy life might be offered as an excuse, but nonetheless a few minutes of diligent self-editing might have delivered a significant improvement.

7/10

'The Prunes of Lot-et-Garonne'
by
MinorVogonPoet

Galaxy Babe

History, a compelling tale and food. Doesn't get much better.

8/10

Pinniped

A seamless EG-piece in this challenge is a significant achievement. This one's solid, with at least as much to interest a reader as the forum's standard fare, and enough of an engaging and chatty style to enliven it. I guess it's a little harsh to say I can't get excited about prunes, but at least it's honest.

Worthy rather than inspired, then. Rises to the challenge, but doesn't rise much above it.

6/10

'Nervousness'
by
Psycorp603

Galaxy Babe

It does feel like weeks when you're waiting for something, bad or good. I like the open ending too. However, the suggestion about the sperm deposit in the convo thread had me giggling.

7/10

Pinniped

Well, this is OK, but that's all. There's not much evidence of effort, and it's not strong or distinctive enough to reward the reader in compensation.

The writer has style and ability, though. Pretty well everybody who started the Stretcher is/was capable of winning it. It's down to a question of who wants to, and the more who really try, the better for those who read and for hootoo. With that in mind, and at the stage of the competition we've reached, I think it's time to get a bit tougher on those who seem to be coasting.

5/10

'Gene-Stacking Oilseed Volunteers'
by
Tibley Bobley

Galaxy Babe

Quite effective. I would also have given the same mark to TB's tentative non-submission The Remarkable Shrinking Book.

7/10

Pinniped

Some of the remarks made about Fb's local food offering apply again here: in fact the pieces have distinct similarities.

I guess this is AWW'd rather than PR'd because it's an opinion piece. I applaud anyone who pitches themself into essay writing, not least because it's a shamefully under appreciated h2g2 genre. That said, though, this doesn't read to me like TB's natural territory. Her writing is distinguished by its light and dark, in uplifting imagery counterpointed by often unsettling shadows. There isn't much room for that in this format, and I do feel that (so far) her writing is ordinary without it. She shouldn't stop trying though, because finding the spark in a difficult genre is one thing well worth Stretching for.

7/10

'Trout Grilled (a Screenplay)'
by
Trout Montague

Galaxy Babe

This is so true-to-life it's brilliant. Except for the bit where I stormed off. Bit unrealistic, really. While you three were still there I'd have stayed until doomsday. So do I lop off a point for a minor inaccuracy? I'd have to replace it though, for how you've helped the other contestants this time - it's not gone unnoticed.

8/10

Pinniped

Left field or what? The Stretcher perpetually turns up what you don't expect along with quite a lot of what you do. The elements of the Stretch include novelty of concept and quality of execution. The former I grant unreservedly in this case. In respect of the latter, I've struggled to decide whether this is good or merely clever writing, and I've finally given up. I will say that it's refreshing in a way that parts of my anatomy apparently aren't.

One annoyance with judging this stuff is that I can almost hear that damned piscid sniggering about the nonsense I'm spouting. I suppose a writer deserves credit if his writing is at least more agreeable than his person. I'm very tempted to give him a three, on the grounds that it's a number with a double letter in it.

7/10

Have Your Say!

With just one round of public votes to go, here are the positions as they stand:

Position Researcher
1 Beatrice
2 Danny B
3 Tibley Bobley
4 Psycorp603
5 dmitrigheorgheni
6 MinorVogonPoet
7 Alex Ashman
8 Trout Montague
9 LLWaz
10 David B
11 Frenchbean

Despite Frenchbean missing the last-but-one round, the scores at the bottom are very, very close, so please get involved with the voting – your votes will almost certainly determine which nine we are left with.

  1. You may vote once, and once only. Please email your votes to The Stretchers. If you can't use this direct link, hovering your mouse over the link should reveal our email address. If you cannot get the link to work, simply post below and we'll try to help you. You must quote your username and h2g2 Researcher number (U-number) with your vote; votes without these will be rejected without query.

  2. Votes received after the deadline or cast onsite will not be counted.

  3. If you're taking part, do not ask other people to vote for you. This is not a popularity contest, and we hope that everyone will vote for the piece they genuinely feel is best each issue. We reserve the right to discount votes if we feel that contestants are canvassing, votes are being traded or unusual voting patterns are developing.

  4. Contestants are perfectly entitled to vote for their own pieces if they feel their writing is the best submitted; however, please note that we will be on the look-out for dodgy voting patterns, and that includes contestants who consistently vote for themselves.

  5. Votes will be tallied using a formula that normalises the votes cast and scores given, then returns a number between 0 and 2. We will publish the rankings, but not the actual scores as they are rather undramatic, relative rather than absolute, and fairly meaningless to look at. In the event of a tie, whichever piece is scored highest by Skankyrich is ranked highest. If there is still a tie, Skankyrich will decide who is placed higher.

The Next Challenge

...won't be for another fortnight, so take it easy! We'll set a new one for the remaining nine contestants in a fortnight's time.

The Stretcher Archive

Galaxy Babe, Pinniped and Skankyrich

05.03.09 Front Page

Back Issue Page


Bookmark on your Personal Space


Entry

A48082719

Infinite Improbability Drive

Infinite Improbability Drive

Read a random Edited Entry


Disclaimer

h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the Not Panicking Ltd. Unlike Edited Entries, Entries have not been checked by an Editor. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more